For the Love of Bella
by Ivy Kelley
Summary: *NewCon 2009 fanfic contest winner* Author Isabella Cullen likes to write about the unattainable, a vampire romance. After years of being alone, can a handsome human man show her that truth is better than fiction? AU, OOC, B
1. Chapter 1: Death by Stereo

****For the Love of Bella won the NewCon 2009 Fanfiction Contest!! I am so excited!!****

**A/N: **First and for most, this story would not be if it weren't for my lovely beta and my muse, my darling Nicky (a.k.a n7of9)! She has been my driving force, my support and she designed the banner for the story. She is my catalyst, I merely brought the tools.

**Disclaimer: Nicky and I do not own Twilight or any of its characters, we just like to play with them!  
**

"I'm gonna have a good time tonight  
Rock and roll music gonna play all night  
Come on, baby, it won't take long  
Only take a minute just to sing my song"  
~Jimmy Barnes

* * *

"Death By Stereo"

**~*~**

**-:BPOV:-**

I sat in my chair staring across the empty bookstore. It was quiet now but I knew soon it would be teeming with readers who loved my books. Writing was my life and though it took a while to get here, all I really had was time. I couldn't help thinking about what brought me to this point in my life. It was a night that I would never be able to forget, one that changed my life forever, and when I say forever, I meant for all eternity. I could remember it all as if it just happened yesterday. Nothing could have prepared me for this or for all the pain that went along with what I had become. That stupid party, I should have never attended! I shook my head as I recollected the life altering events that made me what I am today.

I was only twenty, too young to drink and too stupid to think not to walk home at night alone. I really should have known better. My father was the Chief of Police back in my hometown of Forks, Washington. It was a little town but, nonetheless, I was forever being lectured about safety from my father. Alas, I was naive and always thought of the world as a good place. I was so wrong! Who would have thought monsters really existed.

I was in college at the University of Washington and I wanted to be a writer. It was my sophomore year and I had my whole life ahead of me. I let out a sigh as I recollected everything, the sights of the college campus, the smells of fall, and the beautiful colors of the red and orange leaves on the trees swaying in the breeze. I closed my eyes as everything came into view.

I was walking from my Creative Writing class on that Friday afternoon. It was October 31st of 1989. Halloween was one of my favorite times of the year and I was really excited about going to my first college party. I had managed to make friends with Jessica Stanley who belonged to one of the campus sororities. Our personalities were the complete opposite however we got along really well. There was a big Halloween party on Greek Row where all the sorority and fraternity houses were. I normally wouldn't have been invited but because of my friendship with Jessica, not going wasn't an option.

I was walking across the courtyard heading for my dormitory when I heard Jessica's voice call out among the crowd. "Bella!" I turned around but couldn't find her in the sea of students. "Bella…Isabella Swan!" Jessica's voice boomed. I finally saw her standing on a park bench waving her arms at me as if she were trying to flag down a ship. I couldn't help but smile as I walked over to her. She was so loud and boisterous. She was also a little too friendly with the guys but I didn't let that stand in the way of our friendship. Where I was shy, quiet, and plain, she was outgoing, loud, and pretty.

"Hey Jess. What's up?" I asked as she jumped down from the bench.

"You haven't forgotten about the party have you? You didn't change your mind did you?" She looked eager for my answer and I could tell she feared I wouldn't show.

I shook my head no as I replied, "No, I'll be there, costume and all."

"Awesome! Everyone will totally be there! I'm so excited!!" Jessica's voice went up a few octaves as she jumped around like a cheerleader. "It's about time you got out and had some fun! That new guy Mike Newton who transferred from Stanford is supposed to be there too! He's totally hot! I'd give it to him in a heartbeat!" Jessica flashed a bright smile and gave me a wink.

I couldn't help but blush as I looked down at my shoes and snickered. Jessica was always so brash and was liable to say anything. It was embarrassing but part of me wished I could be as outgoing as she was. If anyone could help me out of my shell, I was sure she could do it. I was really tired of being alone.

"I'm gonna go back to the dorm and get ready." I said as I glanced up at Jessica.

"Cool. See ya then!" Jessica quickly hugged me. My body went rigid as she embraced me, my arms were pinned to my side and I really didn't know how to react to her. It was over in seconds and she was off after another student. I stood there motionless for a moment as I watched her run off then shook my head as I heard her calling out to Angela. Tonight, I needed to try to be more open to people. I was never going to come out of my shell if I didn't at least try. _Being in disguise is the best way to let go of your inhibitions,_ I reasoned with myself as I turned and made my way back to my dorm thinking about the costume I was going to wear to the party. It may be a little silly but I had always had a thing for vampires. There was something mysteriously romantic about them. I loved the old Dracula movies, especially the one with Bela Logusi. I always thought that I wanted to be a vampire. They were so beautiful and graceful, who needs sunlight anyway! The new vampires that Hollywood gave us were younger and sexier. Who wouldn't want to be bitten by them! "The Lost Boys" was on my current list of top favorites. Jason Patric made one hot vampire!

My roommate was never home and today was no different. I was happy that I had the room to myself as I showered and dressed. I had purchased a cheap vampire cape, some fake teeth, and some Halloween face paint. I dressed in black boots, black tights, black denim mini skirt, and white shirt with a red cummerbund. It took me nearly an hour to get my makeup just right. I generally hated makeup but I felt it was required for effect. I was pale but not vampire pale.

Once I was done with the makeup, I put in my fake vampire teeth and tied on my cape. I took a long look in the mirror. I bared my fangs and hissed at myself a few times for affect before I giggled at how silly I looked. I picked up a tube of fake blood and dripped a little down the corner of my mouth. I then put on some jewelry and stood back to survey my finished look. "Bela Logusi would have been proud," I smiled as I tugged on my skirt. Satisfied with the job I had done, I grabbed my student ID and slid it in my back pocket. I didn't want to be caught walking around campus without it. Sometimes the security patrol could be difficult if you were caught without your ID and I was sure tonight they would be in full force.

I made my way across campus to Greek row. There were people running around everywhere dressed as everything from fairy princesses to zombies. I could hear the party that was underway at Alpha Kappa Gamma. The music was loud and I was nervous but excited at the same time. _You can do this, _I told myself.

As I entered the sorority house, I found Jessica right away. She was at the door handing out candy and beer to all of the party goers. She was dressed in a sleeveless tight red satin mini dress with red fishnet stockings, a devil's tail and had light-up devil horns on her head. I would never have the nerve or the body to pull something like that off.

"Bella!!" She screamed as she came running to me in her red high heeled shoes. It amazed me how she could run and not fall. I would have been face down on the floor already. She hugged me tightly as she shoved a wine cooler in my hand. "I was afraid you wouldn't show up!"

I wasn't much of a drinker but I didn't want to offend her. Besides, it's a party, right? I shrugged and took the bottle from Jessica. "I told you I would be here," I said as I took out my vampire teeth and took a sip of the wine cooler.

"Don't sip it silly, slam it!" Jessica yelled above the crowd and it instantly felt as if all eyes were on me. I felt the heat of my blush working its way up my neck as I swallowed hard.

"OK…OK," I smiled as I chugged the whole wine cooler down my throat.

"Whoooo!!" Jessica screamed as several party goers hooped and yelled at my downing the wine cooler. Jessica quickly replaced my empty bottle with a new one. "That's my girl!" she beamed as she ushered me into the house.

A couple of hours and many wine coolers later, I was completely intoxicated and was starting to get sleepy. I had danced around a little and talked to a few people but I wouldn't have called the night a success. I really just wanted to go back to the dorms. I stumbled around the house looking for Jessica and I finally found her in the kitchen. She was sitting on the kitchen counter with her legs wrapped around a tall blond haired guy that she was deeply kissing. Despite my drunken stupor, I was still shocked to see that Jessica would openly let this guy grab her breasts with all of the other people standing around. I closed my gaping mouth and started to walk away when I heard Jessica's voice.

"Oh…hey Bella," she said as I turned back toward her and the guy she was with. "This is Mike Newton." She winked at me, "Mike, this is my friend, Bella."

"Nice to meet you Bella," he smiled at me as he looked me up and down. I smiled back at him sheepishly as I darted my eyes to the ground feeling uncomfortable at the way Mike was looking at me. He was definitely a player and I made a mental note to talk to Jessica about it in the morning, if I even remembered.

"You too," I nodded at him and then looked back up at Jessica. "Um, Jess, I'm gonna go back to the dorm. If I don't go now, I'll end up passed out on the front lawn."

"OK hon, be careful and I will talk to you later." She winked at me again as she grinned. I smiled back and waved goodbye as I turned to leave.

I slowly made my way to the front of the house. There were people dancing and making out everywhere. The place was packed causing me to bump into people as I staggered out the front door. Part of me wanted to sit down and rest, the other part of me wanted my own bed. That part won out as I stumbled across the front lawn.

Somehow, I managed to wonder off of campus but hadn't realized I was lost until I looked up and saw I was no longer on the college grounds. I didn't recognize the neighborhood or the streets and I couldn't figure out how I had gotten so turned around. I began to feel a little panicked as I continued walking, trying to get my bearings straight. I heard some loud music a few streets over and decided to turn and head toward the sound. _It has to be the party,_ I thought to myself, but to my dismay, the more I walked, the further away music seemed to get. I stopped walking once it occurred to me that I was following a car radio. "Idiot," I mumbled as I took another look at my surroundings.

I decided to turn left because it seemed to make sense to me at the time. My sense of direction was off due to my inebriation but I felt as though another left turn would take me back to where I came. When the road dead-ended, I decided it was time to turn around and try to retrace my steps. As I slowly turned and started walking back the way I came, I saw two people, one male, one female coming towards me. The male was tall with blond hair, wearing a leather biker jacket, dirty jeans and no shoes. The female had wild wavy strawberry blond hair with leaves and twigs stuck in it. She had on a shaggy fur wrap that was dirty with holey jeans and she, too, wore no shoes. Fear gripped my heart when I saw them but I couldn't figure out why. Something about them just seemed off. I could hear their laughter and it seemed to echo all around me, giving me chills down my spine.

My instincts told me to run so I ducked down a narrow alleyway and once they were out of my sight, I frantically took off running. I looked back and saw the male enter the opening of the alley. He stopped and just stood there watching me run. Waves of terror started to flood my body as I turned back toward the direction I was running. I could hear my boots hitting the pavement of the narrow alleyway. My heart raced and my breathing became heavy as I pushed myself to go faster. There was a faint swooshing sound that broke my concentration and made me look up. Just ahead of me, there stood the wild haired woman. I gasped as I nearly tripped trying to a stop. I frantically looked around, desperately trying to find a path of escape when I heard the male's laughter closing in behind me. I jumped toward the back of one of the abandoned buildings. There was nowhere else to run.

I saw a door that was padlocked but the wood appeared to be old and dry rotted. I ran to it, jerking furiously on the door. I was able to pull the door open just enough to squeeze through the opening. I scurried behind a wall and crouched in the corner trying to quiet my breathing. All traces of my early drunkenness had vanished as the prickling fear taunted my body. I closed my eyes and said a quick prayer, hoping that if there truly was a God, he would somehow save me. As I opened my eyes again, I let out a blood curdling scream. There, standing before me, were the man and the woman who had been chasing me.

"Look what we have here Victoria," the male's voice hissed. "A midnight snack!"

"No, please…don't hurt me." I pleaded. Something about the look in their eyes and the way they held their bodies reminded me of feral animals. Adrenaline and the terrorizing fear made my body shake as my eyes searched for an escape. My head began to swim as I felt faint and fought against the urge to vomit. I cold sweat broke across my forehead as my eyes moved wildly between the two people in front of me. I was so scared I couldn't believe this was really happening to me. I wanted my dad, I wanted to be back at that party, and I wanted to be back in my dorm room, anywhere but here.

"Did you hear that James?" Victoria asked as she crouched down in front of me. "The little tart is begging for you not to hurt her."

"I love it when they beg," James mused as he knelt down next to Victoria. I drew in a sharp breath as he finished his sentence, "It makes the blood that much sweeter."

_What? Blood? Did he say blood? _My mind continued to race as James leaned into me. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply through his nose as if he smelled the sweet fragrance of a rose. When his eyes opened, I sucked in a quick breath to scream but no sound came - his eyes were the color of blood!

I started to shake my head in disbelief as I tried to force my body further into the wall behind me. "No, no, please…no." I pleaded again as the tears began to spill over onto my cheeks.

James snatched up my arm so harshly I fell over to the ground. My head sharply hit the floor, shooting pain through my head and briefly stunning me. His hands were freezing cold and felt hard as they clasped my wrist. He was holding my arm out as a child would who was dragging a rag doll behind them.

"Ladies first," he hissed as he offered my arm to Victoria, pulling me across the hard concrete floor. I tried to struggle as I felt my arm being passed off to Victoria. She grabbed my arm with a quick snap.

"Thank you my sweet," her voice seethed between her teeth as she smiled at him but, once she turned to look at me, her smile turned into a snarl as her teeth clamped down on my wrist. Hard.

I screamed as the pain instantly shot up my arm and at the shock of what was happening to me held me in panic. The pain melted into an intense burning that began radiating from my wrist and up my arm as Victoria's teeth sunk deep into my flesh. James wrapped his hands across my face and grabbed my mouth, trying to hush my screams. He forced my face to the side as his teeth bit through the skin on my neck. I felt the same searing heat begin to scorch through my veins. The pain was quickly becoming unbearable as the liquid fire began weaving its way through my body. My veins felt as if they were splitting open, each passing second became more excruciating than the last. Eventually, my screaming stopped and my mind began to slip into darkness as the devouring inferno began to consume my body.

I heard some scuffling as my body was jerked up and then dropped. My head hit the floor again and I faded in and out of consciousness feeling like I was walking a thin line between life and death but the fiery attack on my body never ceased. When I would surface, I thought I could hear whispers, but the agony of the torment and pain that dominated my existence, would always pull me back under. I felt as if my body was drifting through a sea of flames and yet it didn't feel as though my skin was burning. I couldn't scream, I couldn't move, I was just silently suffering, burning. My mind began to believe that I had died and I was descending into a lake of fire but, I couldn't image or remember what I would have done to land myself in Hell. Maybe my sins were too great. Maybe it was because I didn't ask for forgiveness before I died. I tried to think of something else but I had been burning too long. If it were a physical burn my body would have gone numb by now and I would be nothing but ash. Hell was the only thing I could come up with. It was the only thing that made sense. I felt paralyzed. I was alone in my darkness and the only constant was the intensity of the burning flames. Even though I never saw the fire, I could feel it blazing just under my skin; it was all inside of me.

I was frightened but somehow calm. I couldn't make a sound and yet in my mind I was screaming. I could still hear the whispering of voices and I could feel a presence around me but I was unable to open my eyes to see who it was. Maybe I was at my funeral and the presence I felt were the mourners paying their last respects. I pushed that thought away because I was still burning so my soul couldn't be with my body, could it? And, why was my mind still thinking?

At some point I felt my thoughts began to get clearer. Though I hadn't made a single sound, it seemed as if I had been screaming in Hell forever. I began to realize that the pain was fading from my fingers and toes. The fire continued to fade slowly up my lower legs and arms but where I felt relief, the pain concentrated in the center of my body. I no longer felt my brain was on fire and I could hear everything around me. There was a soft sound I imagined to be the air blowing through a vent, it was the only way I could describe it and a hum, some kind of hum…the hum of…electricity? Maybe I was still more confused than I thought, but I could definitely make out the shuffle of feet, and I could still hear the whispering, always the whispering.

The pain continually faded from my extremities but pulled inwardly toward my chest. There were parts of my body that felt completely free from the fire and the relief felt so good, but other parts that had not passed through to the relief and were still burning with a white hot intensity. I could feel my heart beating loudly in my ears and the pain there was like a red hot poker impaling my chest cavity. I started gasping for air as my heart pounded hard against my ribcage and my chest felt as if it were going to combust.

"It won't be long now," I heard the tinkling little voice of a female. "I can't wait for her to wake up."

"Shhh!" I heard a male voice whisper. My mind flashed to my last memories of being awake. What if I was hearing James and Victoria? What if they brought me back to a dungeon and planned on torturing me some more? What had they done to me to cause me to burn? My heart was straining against my chest as the pain sucked closer to it.

"She's panicking." The little voice warned.

My heart was racing so fast it sounded like the thundering of a thousand horses' hooves as my lungs continued to gasp for air. The pain was stabbing all around it. If I wasn't dead, I was definitely going into cardiac arrest. My heart was going to explode! The squeezing pain suddenly shot through my heart as I drew in one last fighting breath. There were two loud thuds and then it was silent. I felt all the air collapse out of my lungs as a single tear escaped out of the corner of my eye. I knew that I was finally dead.

"Why isn't she waking up?" the little voice asked impatiently.

"Give her time," I heard a soothing male voice say. I was confused. I wasn't burning any more so I couldn't be in Hell, I was hyper aware of everything around me, and I couldn't be dead because I could hear people talking. Maybe I went to Heaven after all and everything I had felt was my body dying. I could try to open my eyes but I couldn't deny that I was still scared. I finally made the decision to try and began to blink as my eyes fluttered open. I saw that I wasn't in Heaven; I was in a room, just a plain old room like any other. Relief flood over me as I began to realize that I wasn't in Hell. I squinted as I looked at the ceiling and moved my head to look around the room. There were books lined up on the wall next to me. My fear had somehow left me when I saw the books. I turned my head in the other direction and saw a tall, attractive, blond haired man in a lab coat and a short dark haired girl standing next to him. They both were smiling at me. If this was Heaven, they could be angels, but why the lab coat? I didn't feel threatened and somehow I knew that they were not going to hurt me. I smiled back but grimaced quickly as the tension in my face felt strange. I sat up and swung my legs around as I hooped off the table. I half expected my legs to buckle but I felt light as a feather and stood quite easily.

I tried to speak but there was a burning in my throat. I brought my hand up to feel the fire but all I felt was my cool skin. My throat felt as if I had been without water for days. "Thirsty." I whispered.

"We'll take care of that in a minute. There are some things we need to discuss. What do you remember?" The man in the lab coat asked. He was a stunningly handsome man. His face was pale and his eyes were a golden brown. He looked like a god and I felt reassured as he smiled at me.

"I…I remember," I paused and tried to swallow to relieve the burn. "I remember being attacked but that's all. Please, may I have some water?"

"Hi Bella! I'm Alice!" The little dark hair girl beamed as she burst forward and gave me a hug. She was beyond beautiful! She had creamy white skin and the same golden brown eyes as the man with her did. Maybe I was in Heaven after all and she was an angel. She certainly looked and sounded like one, so much so that I thought about looking behind her for her wings as she hugged me.

I smiled at her as she broke away from me and then my smile faded. "How did you know my name?"

"We found the student ID in your pocket," the man spoke as he came close to me. "I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen," he smiled as he extended a hand to me. _Doctor?_ It was time to drop the Heaven and Angels dream, I didn't think they would have doctors and ID cards in Heaven. So I tried to gather my senses and looked at the gorgeous blond man directly.

"Dr. Cullen." I nodded as I shook his hand. "Am I going to be OK?"

"You're going to be fine, and please, call me Carlisle," he smiled and then a more professional look fell across his face as he led me to the couch in the corner. "Bella, I need to tell you some things and I need you to keep an open mind."

Alice walked over to me and placed a hand on my arm. "It'll be OK Bella. I promise. We are here to help you and we won't leave you alone. The people that hurt you are gone." She smiled at me but the smile didn't meet her eyes.

I listened in disbelief as Carlisle began to tell me what had happened to me. He had tried to say it in 5 different ways but they all ended up with the same outcome, I was now a vampire. I actually laughed after the first time he said it and started to recite my favorite lines from "The Lost Boys". I sat up all serious and said in a deep voice, "'Now you know what we are; now you know what you are. You'll never grow old, Michael, and you'll never die. But you must feed!' " I noticed the serious look that passed between Carlisle and Alice. I quickly apologized as I tried to stop my nonsense. I started to chuckle again as I waved my hands around, "No…wait, I've got it!" I paused to get the giggling under control and poise a more serious look, "'Death by stereo!'" I burst out laughing. Even Alice and Carlisle chuckled with me.

"I think she's going into hysterics. I'll go get Jasper." I heard Alice whisper to Carlisle as she disappeared out the door.

"'Vampires my friend, vampires,'" I giggled to myself as I watched Alice leave the room. "I was just kidding," I called after her. She returned quickly with a tall slender blond man who looked slightly younger than Carlisle but was every bit as handsome. What was with all the gorgeous people?

"Bella, this is my husband, Jasper." Alice said as she introduced us.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Jasper said and suddenly, I felt relaxed.

"You too," I smiled as waves of soothing calm flooded over me.

I knew I was ready to listen now. I no longer found the situation funny as I realized that what Carlisle was trying to tell me was the truth. We talked for what seemed like hours and I asked every question I could think of, sometimes twice. He showed me the scar on my wrist and proved to me that I no longer had a heart beat. That was a little hard to take to say the least! He opened the blinds in his office and showed me that sunlight wouldn't hurt me but explained to me that I still had to steer clear of walking in its rays. He put his hand in the light and I almost expected to see it burst into flames. Instead I saw the rays reflect off his skin and a multitude of colors dance across the ceiling and walls. It was more beautiful in that little room for those 10 seconds than anything I had ever seen. It was as if a rainbow had landed on us and was filling the room with sunshine and brightness. He explained to me about being a "newborn" and my need for human blood. Unfortunately, that was the one vampire myth that was true. I tried as hard as I could to show him and Alice that I wasn't a coward when they mentioned killing. I was more than a little relieved when Carlisle told me about the alternate lifestyle that he and his family lived, feasting only on animal blood and calling themselves "vegetarians". I giggled at this and this time they both joined me. We had been talking for quite some time and we had all started to relax.

Carlisle explained to me about the night I was attacked and how he and his family had found me. I listened intently and after he explained everything to me, he opened the door to our little room, and I met the rest of his family.

They pretty much took me in, no questions asked, that is no questions from them! I had a million questions and asked each and every one of them. Everyone was kind to me, for the most part, and went out of their way to make sure I was comfortable. Carlisle, who I found acted as the patriarch of the family, had a deep compassion for saving lives. His wife Esme was very loving and motherly. Alice could see the future and her husband Jasper could control emotions. Rosalie had the gift of beauty and her husband Emmett had the most strength out of all of us, well except for me because I was a newborn. They all assume the role of Carlisle and Esme's adopted children when they are in the human eye and even though they were married to their mates, they often claimed to be only dating because they were usually enrolled in school. I usually didn't participate in the high school façade. I took college courses and worked on my writing.

It took little effort to adapt to the Cullen family lifestyle. Carlisle thought it was because I was already a vegetarian in my human life. One thing I was happy to see fade were my dreadful red eyes. Every time I looked in the mirror I was reminded of James and Victoria. But thankfully within a year I had the same golden eyes as the rest of the family and I was once again 100% _bona fide_ vegetarian. My looks had changed too. When I looked at my reflection, I saw a beautiful image, not the plain girl I used to be.

Alice and I quickly became the best of friends whereas Rosalie and I barely tolerated each other. I didn't mind her really but, it seemed that she didn't like me much so I made sure I left her alone. Emmett and Jasper were the perfect big brothers and Carlisle and his wife Esme became my "adopted" parents as well. I eventually even took on their last name as the years passed. It was just easier for every reason to become a Cullen especially once I started going out in public. It made sense. I was now a part of their family, their coven. They all helped me through grieving for my human family and the life I left behind, the boys enjoyed showing me how to hunt for food, and it didn't take long to settle into my new life. I felt resentment at first, resentment for all the things I had lost, but now I couldn't imagine being any other way or living without a single one of them. Even Rose would be missed. Her snide remarks to me over the years had dissipated, but she was always up for a fight when she was bored.

Now, as I sat in the bookstore, it didn't surprise me that all these memories came flooding back to me. Being in the same town where it all began was sure to spark old memories. I had already ventured on to the college campus. It hadn't changed much in 20 years. I even found the alleyway where my life had changed forever. Seattle definitely held some bittersweet memories for me.

"Are you ready Ms. Cullen?" the owner of the bookstore asked me.

"Yes," I nodded and focused my eyes on the door as the manager made her way to open up. It was my first book signing and I felt a little nervous. Alice had already told me everything would be OK. Her ability to see the future really came in handy. Still, there was something odd by the way she said it today and I replayed her words from this morning in my mind.

"Everything will be wonderful. Don't worry, it will all work out." Alice was smiling when she said it and she seemed overly cheerful. I thought it was odd at first but after all, this was Alice, so I quickly dismissed it as me being nervous and tried to push it out of my mind.

I heard the locks turn on the door and I snapped to attention. The doors opened, and people started flooding in.

"Moment of truth," I whispered under my breath as I picked up the black sharpie and forced a smile on my face.


	2. Chapter 2: They Pulled a Mind Scramble

**A/N: **Thanks to my beautiful goddess Nicky who is not only my beta but is also my muse! I love her hard for helping me make _For the Love of _Bella possible. I write the lyrics but she sets it to music!

Don't forget to check out the Live Journal page that my darling Nicky put together! She rocks it hard! You can find the link on the profile page for this fanfic.

I hope the glorious Edward in my mind comes out properly in my words. I am really enjoying bringing him to life

**Disclaimer: Nicky and I do not own Twilight or any of its characters, we just like to play with them!**

"I'm searching for a light  
To kill my sense of fear  
To break through darkened nights  
And take me through the years"  
~INXS/Jimmy Barnes

* * *

"It's not our fault; they pulled a mind scramble on us..."

**~*~**

**-:BPOV:-**

All of my fears of interacting with so many humans at one time passed within the first thirty minutes of the book signing. I was so busy answering questions and interacting with my readers, I didn't have time to think about anything else. It almost felt…human. Alice and Jasper showed up in the beginning for moral support. I was thankful they were both there to calm my nerves. Alice kept her hand on my shoulder for awhile which kept me grounded and Jasper sent soothing waves of happiness and serenity over my body. I had never been tempted by humans but I had also not been around so many at once. It took me several years and a lot of encouragement from Alice to venture back into society. I didn't want to take any chances that I would make a mistake that would expose my family. It would only take one moment of indiscretion to erase everything they had accomplished.

Once the first line formed in front of me, I felt a little venom and a slight burn in my throat. I was able to swallow back the venom as I began to concentrate on the bigger picture. I was actually here, at my own book signing! This was something I had always dreamed about when I was still human. After I began to grasp the surrealism, the burning ebbed as my happiness took over. I started greeting readers with a smile as my confidence in my resolve grew.

Alice and Jasper left once they knew I was alright. Alice wanted to do some shopping and I giggled as I saw Jasper's face, but couldn't feel sorry for him as I really didn't think he minded spending the day with her alone. It amazed me that after so many decades together their love never faded. Just like Carlisle and Esme, Jasper and Alice were soul mates. Emmett and Rosalie had a torrid love affair that never ended. Sometimes it was difficult to be around them, especially when their animalistic nature took over. They fought and made up constantly, but I never doubted their love for each other; I think they just really enjoyed make-up sex. Rosalie thought I was a prude, of course, but I happened to enjoy my life. My writing always made up for the lack of an intimate relationship, without all the drama that went along with it. If I got frustrated, I could just walk away without an explanation. I was happy in the world I had created. Other than seeing the loving interactions of the couples in my family, I really didn't have much of a basis from own personal life to draw on anyway. Rosalie had no idea how close to the mark she was with her taunting however, I would never admit it. Besides, how can you miss something if you don't know what it is you are missing?

"How did you know you wanted to become a writer?" I looked up from the table into the bright blue eyes of a young girl. She couldn't have been older than fifteen, and was smiling at me as she handed me her copy of my book to sign.

"What's your name sweetheart?" I asked as I smiled back, taking the book out of her hands.

"Carol," she answered as she looked down bashfully.

"Well Carol," I smiled back at her as I uncapped my pen. "I've always had a passion for reading. I've read everything from romance to Sci-fi." I paused as I began to write in the front pages of her book. "Writing just made sense."

"You sure do know a lot about vampires," Carol said as I handed the signed book back to her.

"Years of research," I chuckled.

"Are you a vampire?" she asked me point blank. I was not prepared for that question. The feelings her silly question evoked were certainly strange to me, it almost felt as if the blood was draining from my face. Yes, my book was about vampires and romance, but it was based off the more traditional folklore than the facts I knew to be true. It just never occurred to me that someone would think I was a vampire.

"I…I'm not," I started to shake my head as I shifted my eyes away from the girl in front of me.

"Come on Carol, it's time to go." An older woman stepped up and took the young girl's arm. "I'm sorry," the woman said, "Carol has such a vivid imagination."

"It's OK," I smiled back. "Carol, the book is fiction. The characters are not based on anything real, but thanks for enjoying it." I hoped that was enough of an answer to convince her. Carol turned to wave as she walked away with her mother and the smile on her face told me that she was fine with her conclusion.

Alice and Jasper came back in time for my break and I was relieved to see them. Jasper was carrying several bags as he came walking up with a big grin on his face however his smile fell as he sensed my tension and quickly began to work at calming me again. It was time for my break so I got up and walked with them out to the car to unload the bags just so we could have some time alone. I tried to talk to Alice about my exchange with the teenager but she seemed too preoccupied. It had really disturbed me that the girl had been so perceptive.

"Alice, are you listening to a word I am saying?" I placed both my hands on her shoulders trying to snap her back into reality.

"Bella, chill out will you! That girl still believes in fairies! Quit worrying about it." She said, stepping out of my hands.

"Are you alright?" I asked. Alice was still acting strangely. Usually shopping made her happy. I shot a cautioned look to Jasper then back to Alice.

"I'm fine but we need to go back. Now!" Alice turned on her heel and grabbed my arm as she pulled me back toward the mall entrance. I glanced over my shoulder at Jasper again who just shrugged as he smiled and followed us. I couldn't figure out why she was in such a hurry, we still had time left.

Within seconds of walking through the automatic doors, Alice became the last thing on my mind. I was captured up by a delicious and alluring smell. It was like fresh coffee, vanilla, and caramel with a hint of spice but there was something else I couldn't put my finger on. Coffee was one the human memories I still cherished and I often found myself still enjoying its heavenly aroma. I took a deep breath through my nose savoring the ambrosial scent. It felt warm and invigorating setting my whole body ablaze.

"Oh my God! What is that aroma, it's divine?" I exclaimed as I started to slow down.

Alice continued to pull on my arm, "Not now Bella, you have to get back." I inhaled deeply again as I closed my eyes letting Alice pull me in the direction of the bookstore. That scent was pure heaven to my senses. The burning in my throat became uncomfortable again as I felt the venom pooling in my mouth. I swallowed quickly so I could take another deep breath. I was practically salivating at the delicious aroma while the flames flicked again inside my throat. _Where was that smell coming from?_ I wondered to myself just as my eyes popped open and I stopped by my chair. I suddenly understood what was going on. If my venom was salivating, it had to be blood, and the only blood around here was human blood! I started to panic as Alice sat me down in my chair and I felt Jasper's hand on my shoulder, calming me. I was frantically looking between the two of them. I knew my bloodlust and the horror of it surfacing would be evident on my face.

"Everything is going to work out, don't worry," Alice whispered in my ear as my worst fears were suddenly realized. It had never happened to me but it was so obvious what was happening. Someone's blood was calling to me. I remembered a story Emmett had told me about his moment of weakness where he had killed an innocent woman. He said the scent of her blood was so overpowering that it literally sang to him. This was not good! This could not be happening to me. This especially could not be happening to me in a MALL! I started to shift in my seat to stand; I needed to get away from the situation. I felt a smooth wave of tranquility move through me again.

I glanced up at Jasper as he smiled and whispered, "You can do this." I took a deep breath and in that moment, I believed him. I could do this, I was strong! I swallowed back the venom and focused on the person in front of me. If I were in true danger of hurting anyone, Alice wouldn't have brought me back here. She must have seen this happening as I remembered her odd behavior earlier this morning. She said everything would be wonderful and not to worry. Right?

A few more people came and went as I noticed my sharpie was running out of ink. As I started digging in my bag on the floor for another one, I caught the scent again and I froze. It was getting stronger with each of my breaths. I heard Alice tell someone I would be with them in a minute. The scent was almost overpowering as I sat straight up in my chair with the new sharpie in my hand. I looked up at Alice who was beaming with excitement. What was wrong with her! Did she want me to expose us through my loss of control? Jasper sent another calming wave through me but this time I saw the worry in his eyes too as I turned to face the person attached to the scent.

My mouth hung open as my eyes fell upon the most gorgeous man I had ever seen. He was standing before me with his glorious scent swirling in the air. His brown hair was a tussled mess on his head and yet it looked perfect. His eyes were a beautiful shade of green that smiled when he did and his smile was warm, inviting, and mesmerizing, absolutely, mind numbingly mesmerizing. His lips were full and his bottom lip was just a little bigger than his top lip. As his smile widened, I saw small dimples form on the right side of his mouth. _Dimples…dimples, oh God help me those dimples!_ His face was slightly tan and unshaven. I wanted to touch him to see if he was real. There was a slight shift in the atmosphere, a shift in the _universe_, as I felt myself being drawn to this man in every possible way. He just stood there looking at me and I was powerless to look away. His smile wavered as confusion crossed his face and he shot a questioning glance at Alice. I could feel him all around me; feel him in every particle in the air as time stood still for me. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to break his spell on me. Everything about him captivated me, his eyes, his smile, and especially his blood.

I sat very still as I calculated my options. I had to concentrate. One slip and it would all be over. I couldn't risk anything going wrong, but he was so tempting! I truly didn't know if I wanted to bite him or kiss him. Both seemed equally appealing to me. I watched as he lifted his hand and dragged it nervously through his hair sending a new wave of his scent directly at me. How could one move be so glorious? How could one _man _be so glorious? I could do this, I could be strong. I could…

"Bella," Alice whispered as she elbowed me, breaking my concentration and his spell.

"Huh?" I looked at her and then I realized where I was. "Oh…yeah, I'm sorry. Hi, I'm Bella." Without thinking, I shot my hand straight out toward him.

"Edward," he chuckled as the look of confusion crossed his face again. He reached out and took my hand in his. Once our hands connected I felt a gentle tingling of electricity sparking between them. I didn't want to move or let go. His spell had begun to entrap me once again, until I felt Alice elbow me once more and I realized that I had held his hand too long. I released it and looked up at him sheepishly as I bit my lip. He was looking at his hand and then back at me as a crooked grin eased across his lips. I started to smile back but the complexity of the situation and the renewed burning in my throat immediately reminded me of _who_ I was and _what_ I wasn't. I couldn't be friendly towards him, it was too dangerous. What was I thinking? I had to make quick work of this.

"You have a copy of the book for me to sign?" I asked, as my body straightened and I regained my composure. I knew I was acting like an idiot. He was human, he was technically my prey. If I didn't reign myself in, I could risk exposing everything. The scent of his blood still inebriated my senses. It was taunting the killer that was buried deep inside me. My instincts screamed at me for his blood and my throat was on fire, the burning made worse by the lingering sense of his spell which was still present in the air between us.

"Uhhhh, yeah, one of my co-workers couldn't be here today. She really wanted to meet you and have her book signed." Edward paused and ran his hand nervously through his hair again. His eyes kept darting to mine but he would quickly look away, "I offered to come down here and have it signed for her."

"What's her name?" I asked as I felt my control returning. He held out the book to me and I took it, making sure I didn't touch him again. I could do this!

"Erin," he answered as he spelled the name out for me. I wrote a quick inscription and snapped the book closed.

"There you go," I smiled politely as I handed him the book. I titled my head to the side and looked directly at him, forcing him to keep his gaze on me. "It was nice to meet you Edward." He smiled back at me with a curious look in his lingering gaze and then he turned to leave. I looked down at the sharpie I held in my hand, fighting the smile that was threatening to expose me. If I were still human I'm sure I would have been blushing beet-red. _Stupid, stupid, stupid! _I thought repeatedly. _But you want him_, the monster taunted. I looked back up to see his retreating form just as he turned to look back at me. He gave me another smile before disappearing out the door. I could feel his pull on my body loosening the further away he went and I wanted to reach out to him. Actually, I wanted to get up and run after him, but I knew that would be a foolish thing to do. He was safer the further he got from me, we all were. I felt Alice's hand on my shoulder and stole a glance at her smiling at me. I scowled back at her as I turned to sign a few more books.

Once the book signing was over and I had somehow managed to clear my head of him and the muddle of thoughts going through my brain, my agent Lauren Mallory asked if I would have coffee with her to discuss a change in my travel plans. She'd been on the phone throughout the entirety of the signing trying to finalize my short trip. Seattle was the first of five cities on the book tour. I was glad to be starting out at a local spot. Our family had settled on Fox Island which was only an hour from downtown Seattle. Starting close to home had made me feel a little more at ease at the time, but that was before I met Edward!

We all agreed to meet her at a coffee shop that was down the street from the mall. Once Lauren left, I grabbed Alice's arm. "You knew that was going to happen didn't you?" I asked

"What?" Alice grinned

"Don't 'what' me; you know exactly what I am talking about. How could you not warn me?" I spat as I released her arm.

"If I would have told you, you would have ditched," She smiled as she straightened her shoulders with a dignified air.

"It would have been nice to have had some warning Alice. I would like to hold on to my human free status, thank you." I growled under my breath.

"It's about time you had some spice in your life, Bella" she stated as she looped her arm through Jasper's. "Besides, I'm tired of seeing you lonely all the time."

I grabbed my bag off the floor as I stood up. Alice and I were definitely not talking about the same thing. "I was afraid I was going to kill him!" I said through gritted teeth as we walked out into the cool Seattle air.

"Bella!" Alice gasped as she stopped on the sidewalk. "Do you honestly think I would let you near him if I saw you were going to kill him?" she quietly asked.

"But his blood, it was so overpowering. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I had to fight to resist him." I said, still whispering as we walked to put my things in the car. I glanced at Alice as Jasper shut the trunk. She looked perplexed as she was staring off in space. I knew what she was doing; she was checking her visions again to see if she missed something.

"Nope," she paused and then looked at me with a wicked smile. "But you like, him don't you?"

"That's beside the point Alice." I tried to hide my smile as I thought about Edward. _Edward_. I liked the name Edward.

"No, it is exactly the point," she pouted as we began to walk toward the coffee shop.

"You're impossible!" I huffed as I folded my hands across my chest. I could appreciate what Alice was trying to do. I'll admit, it did get a little lonesome at times, but I always had my writing, at least that's what I always told myself and my family. Maybe in my next book Edward could be the new love interest. If I couldn't have him in real life, I could have him in my world of fiction. I could just write him out of my system and be done with it. I smiled as I began plotting my next literary adventure with Edward.

We reached a coffee shop called "The Roasted Seed" where we were to meet Lauren. Jasper pulled the door open as he grinned, allowing Alice and I to walk in before him. As soon as the heated air from inside hit me, I stopped. I thought I could smell Edward's scent again. I started to dismiss it as just the normal aroma of all the coffee brewing but there was something different too. I could smell the bitter sweet mixture of the coffee, vanilla and caramel with the hint of spice, but there was also the distinct smell of his blood that made it unique. Everyone's blood smelled different, I knew that. It was kind of like no two thumb prints are the same, no two blood signatures were the same. No one else's blood had called to me like Edward's did. I started to panic as I quickly wheeled around on my heel and ran into Alice.

"I can't do this again," I whispered as Alice grabbed me by my arms.

"Yes you can. We will be right here." She smiled as she turned me back around, forcing me into the coffee shop. "Remember, you will be fine. You are in control. You are not going to hurt anyone." Alice was certainly tempting fate, and the wench was doing it with a smile on her face.

I looked up as I saw Lauren waving at me. Too late, I was caught; I had to go in now. I forced a smile as I walked up to her table.

"I was afraid you didn't see me," Lauren said as she stood up to hug me. I pulled away and smiled as I sat down.

"What do you need to talk to me about?" I asked, as Jasper and Alice sat down with us.

"So, ladies, sir, what can I get for you?" I recognized the voice and the delicious smell circling around me that went with it. I shook my head in defeat as my shoulders slumped forward. I looked up through my lashes at Edward who was standing beside me with a white chef's apron wrapped around his waist. _Could this get any worse?_ I wondered as I swallowed back the venom and tried to forget the burning in my throat.

"Oh, I think I will have your Café Mocha Latte," Lauren beamed as I watched her bat her lashes at Edward. I suddenly felt very territorial over him as Lauren flirted shamelessly. My jaw clenched as I felt Alice's hand touch my leg reminding me that I needed to stay focused. I looked back up at Edward who was turning to take my order.

"Bella?" he asked as he looked into my eyes. I fought the urge to touch him again. I wanted to see if the electricity was still there. I wanted to feel the warmth of his skin. I felt myself going into sensory overload.

"Oh!" Lauren squealed, snapping me out of my trance, "You two know each other?" I suddenly felt very annoyed at Lauren's intrusion. She may be my agent, but right now, she was a pain in my ass.

"Actually, we just met," Edward stated as he smiled at me, his eyes still on my own.

"Well, I'm Lauren Mallory, Bella's agent." Edward shifted his gaze to Lauren as she extended her hand to him.

"Edward Masen," he answered as he shook Lauren's hand. "I'm the owner of The Roasted Seed."

"Hi Edward! I'm Alice and this is my boyfriend Jasper!" I could hear the excitement in Alice's voice as she gave her introductions and I was thankful for the few extra seconds I had to just stare at him unbidden. It wasn't unusual for Alice to introduce Jasper as her boyfriend. It was all part of the role we all played as humans.

"Alice, Jasper" Edward nodded and smiled at each of them as he said their names.

"Well, I think I have just found my new coffee spot." Lauren laughed out loud as she touched Edward's arm. My eyes shot to her and I felt the rage beginning to boil in me as Lauren continued her flirting. I was losing my control. I couldn't listen to Lauren throwing herself at Edward any longer so, I did the only thing I could think of to remove myself from the situation and not raise suspicion.

"Where's the bathroom?" I blurted as I shot up out of my seat causing both Lauren and Edward to jump.

"Just to the left of the bar," Edward started to answer as he pointed toward the back of the coffee shop but I was up and gone before he could finish. I would have run if I wasn't in the public eye. I shoved open the door of the bathroom and locked myself in the large stall. My mind and my senses were reeling as I paced back and forth in the small space. I knew I was angry at Lauren, but why? I had no claim on Edward. I could _never_ have a claim on him. I didn't even know him. He was human and could very well be my undoing, judging by my atrocious behavior this morning. My first mistake was allowing myself to be attracted to him. I knew better! There was no possible way this could end up as anything less than disastrous. If I could just get through this quick meeting, I could have Alice and Jasper take me home. I could grab my suitcase and go straight to the airport. Maybe I could get an earlier flight? If I could just make it until then I could get over it and get on with my life. I closed my eyes for a brief moment to calm myself further but all I saw was Edward's smiling face with dimples intact.

"Ugh!" I whined in frustration as I put my fists to my temples.

"Bella?" I heard Alice's quiet voice call to me as the door to the bathroom opened.

"Yes," I answered as I felt the frustration and turmoil brimming over the edges of my sanity.

"Are you alright?" she asked as I opened up the stall door.

"Yes…no…I don't know," I said as my hand flew up to my temple. "I just don't know, Alice." I returned to my pacing and I could feel Alice's eyes watching me. "What?" I asked stopping in front of her as I threw my hands up in the air.

"This can work," she said as she touched my arm.

I shook my head as I replied, "No, it can't."

"Do you not trust me? Bella, you don't see what I see. You are happy in my visions." She whispered.

"Yeah… probably because I just killed him and drained him dry!" I quipped.

Alice folded her arms as she huffed, "Stop being ridiculous!"

"I'm not being ridiculous. Alice, don't you get it? I can't do it. To be with him would destroy everything. I don't know if I could control myself. I can't do that to you, Carlisle, or any of the family. Sure I am attracted to him but I am attracted to him in _every_ way, good and bad. It could never work out." I was trying to be gentle as I tried to make her understand.

"But I saw you, you were with him and you were both happy." She frowned. "I refuse to believe it means nothing."

I couldn't help but smile at her and knew I just had to give up. She was always so optimistic. She was my best friend and I loved her. I gave her a big hug. "Come on, let's go back out there before someone else comes and looks for us." Alice nodded and we headed back to our table.

"Everything OK?" Lauren asked as we got back to the table.

"Yeah, just nerves," I smiled weakly as I took a quick sweep of the room with my eyes. Edward's scent still lingered but I didn't see him anywhere in the crowd of people. I took my seat then looked back at Lauren. I could hear Alice whispering to Jasper as I spoke. "What are the changes because I need to get home?"

"Oh, well, your trip to Chicago was delayed so you will go to San Francisco first, then to San Diego, a quick stop in New York, then Chicago. You fly out first thing in the morning and return in 10 days." Lauren smiled as she handed me several folders in a plastic binder. "All the signings are in the evening per your request and everything you need is in the binder."

"Great." I looked over at Jasper and Alice as I nodded. We all three stood up. "I'll call you if I have any problems." I smiled widely at her as I started to turn, bag and binder under my arm, and ran right into Edward. Edward and his beautiful eyes. Edward and his beautiful smile. I could only imagine how glorious the rest of him was. I really needed to stop this nonsense.

"Leaving already?" His smooth velvety voice had a dramatic impact on my body as my knees felt weak. His hands were on my arms steadying me as my knees wobbled. In all of my years as a vampire or human, this has never happened to me. The feel of him touching me practically took my breath away. I could feel the steady pull his body had on mine. My mind was instantly a jumbled mess and his scent was taking its toll on my instincts. My eyes slowly trailed from his grey t-shirt, up his neck, over his lips, and into his beautiful green eyes. His smile broadened as he leaned closer to me casting his spell over me again. I was brought back to reality as his slight movement stirred his scent in the air. I smiled politely as I gently shrugged out of his grip realizing that I was too dangerous to be this close.

"Yes, we have to leave." I said as I backed up against the table, thankful I could back away and was able to put a sentence together.

"Will I see you around?" he asked as he handed Lauren her change.

"Um," I paused for a brief moment to take in his beautiful face once more, my gaze lingering on his for the last time. A monster like me could destroy him. I forced my eyes to the floor as I shook my head. I was trapped by my circumstance and I knew there was no way this could ever work out. "Gotta go," I whispered as I turned, willing my feet to move. Within a few seconds I was out the door with Alice and Jasper close behind me, running from his pull and running from his eyes.

**A/N: **Reviews are better than coffee in bed with Edward (Rob), Okay…that's a lie. Nothing beats coffee in bed with Edward (Rob). The point is, we love the review and the people that make the reviews. Let us know that we are making people happy!!

Next up: EPOV (with some possible smuttage) YAY!


	3. Chapter 3 It's better if you don't fight

**A/N: **PHEW! Here it is! Chapter 3 in all of its glory! I have to say that this chapter would not be possible if it were not for my Darling Nicky! She talked me down off my ledge so she gets the credit for this one!

**Disclaimer: Nicky and I do not own Twilight or any of its characters, we just like to play with them!**

"Where all wishes twist  
And bitter they kiss  
Everything to you  
In doorways and dreams  
I run to you"  
~_Beauty Has Her Way _by Mummy Calls

* * *

"It's so much better if you don't fight"

~*~

**-:EPOV:-**

_Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella…_

I was on my way back to Bella's table when she and her friends stood up. I quickened my pace because I couldn't just let her leave without saying anything. I needed to be calm and smooth. I wanted to see her again and I wanted to know, needed to know that she wanted to see me too. Something happened between us at the bookstore that I couldn't quite explain. I felt something, a spark, a deep connection when our hands touched and time kind of stopped, the world fell away and all I could see were her eyes…and her lips…_oh God her lips!_

That shit just didn't happen to me. I was always in control of my emotions and never had trouble when it came to women… God that makes me sound like a dick, even to myself. My father always showered my mother with attention, was always aware of her presence and her needs, and I think it rubbed off on me. I just found it a normal thing to do when I was with a woman, to tend to her needs. How could I not? Women always _fascinated_ me, enthralled me with their femininity, but this woman, this woman was something above and beyond anything I had ever laid eyes on.

Bella certainly was different and I didn't quite know how to handle myself. My confident exterior melted away as soon as I saw her walk into the bookstore. I couldn't explain it exactly, but the feeling shook me to my very core; either that or I was out of my fucking mind. It was like I had known her forever, wanted her forever, every fiber of my being called to her. Even now, I had to fight back the urge to wrap my arms around her waist as I snuck up beside her. To touch her again in any way at all would be just divine. Her hair smelled like warm mocha cream, spicy cinnamon and honeysuckles. I breathed her in deep as she began to turn around. _Keep it cool Masen!_

"Leaving already?" I asked as she started to stumble. I put my hands on her arms to keep her from falling (or so I told myself). I was once again overcome by the strangest sensation when I touched her, like I was being pulled to her. Bella was beautiful; there was no doubt about that, but when I looked at her, I felt more than just a physical attraction. This was something that had never happened to me before and I didn't know how to process it. I did know that I didn't want to let her go. I watched as her eyes slowly lifted to mine and the world seemed to fall away again in that moment. I smiled at her as I gazed into her warm, golden brown eyes. My heart sank as she barely smiled back and gently shrugged out of my grip. It was definitely not the reaction I had hoped for.

"Yes, we have to leave." Bella said as she backed up against the table. She seemed to be struggling with our closeness. Maybe I embarrassed her? Maybe I was leering? _God I hope I wasn't that obvious!_

"Will I see you around?" I asked as I handed Lauren her change.

"Um," Bella paused for a brief moment as she glanced up at me again. I felt that my very breath was hanging on her response as my eyes watched her lips, as if I were trying to will the words I wanted hear come out of her beautiful mouth. She seemed to struggle with her answer as she shook her head and her eyes fell to the floor. "Gotta go," she whispered as she turned and headed out the door, her friends close behind her.

I just stood there, the blood draining from my face. It was so hard to watch her walk away and yet I knew there was nothing I could do to stop her in front of all these people. I wanted to go after her but how could I? I didn't know her and if I chased her now I was sure to scare her off. There _had_ to be another way!

"Well, I guess that just leaves you and me." I had forgotten there was someone left at the table. I turned around and saw Lauren still sitting there. She smiled and winked at me. _Fuck me running!_ I thought as I forced a smile back. There was no reason to be rude to her but I was in no mood to deal with this, I knew what that wink entailed. I thought about walking away but then a thought occurred to me - Lauren was Bella's agent, of course! If anyone would have any information about Bella, she would.

"Care for some company?" I asked as I pulled out the chair Bella had been sitting in.

"Absolutely!" Lauren beamed as her lips curled up into a wicked smile. I sat down trying to get in the right mindset. I had to play this right without getting in too deep.

"What gives?" I asked as I nodded my head toward the door where Bella just exited.

"Who knows?" Lauren rolled her eyes. "Bella is always business. I was surprised to see her friends with her, she's usually alone."

"All work and no play, huh?" That was pretty much my life too.

Lauren nodded as she sipped her coffee. "She is a wonderful author though. She has sold a ton of books and has a very large fan base."

"What's the book about?" I asked as I pushed my finger along the grain of wood on the tabletop.

"Vampires and romance," her smile this time was nothing if not suggestive.

"Vampires…really?" I was shocked. I couldn't imagine that stunning woman writing about anything dark and evil and, well, silly really. Romance? I definitely needed to check that book out. Hell, if she wrote a thesis on an impending alien invasion and the subsequent enslaving of the human race, I'd still read it!

"So, Edward, tell me a little bit about yourself," Lauren said as she touched my arm. I looked up at her and noticed the hopeful look in her eyes. I suddenly felt a little bad that I was leading her on. She seemed lonely, a little desperate, and I had no intensions of taking on that venture. She wasn't bad looking and she was very friendly. I had to admit it had been a while since I had been out with anyone at all, let alone had sex. I was sure that she could probably be a little fun, a good distraction maybe.

But she wasn't who I wanted.

"There isn't much to tell really." I smiled at her as I shrugged. Her hand moved off of my arm and wrapped around her coffee cup.

"Well, you obviously make a kick-ass cup of coffee." She chuckled as she took another sip of her latte.

"Yeah, I pretty much live, work, and breathe this coffee shop." I answered as I nervously ran my hand through my hair looking around my store.

"No time for fun?" Lauren mused as she winked at me again.

I shook my head and laughed, "Not much. The Roasted Seed takes up most of my time."

"Too bad," she pouted as she leaned back in her chair. "With Bella gone for a while, I have a little spare time." She looked at me again and I could tell she wanted me to take the bait. I didn't.

"Gone?" I questioned as I looked down again at my hands.

"Yeah, she leaves for the rest of her book tour tomorrow. She'll be gone for ten days." Lauren finished her coffee and scooted the cup to the side.

"Ten days, that's a nice little vacation," I said as I smiled back at Lauren. _That's a long fucking time to have to wait to see Bella again,_ I thought to myself.

"Poor thing," Lauren turned to pull her purse into her lap. "It'll do her some good to get away for a while." She paused for a moment while she pulled out her billfold, "I offered to go with her but she insisted that she wanted to go by herself. I should have known really, she always seems to prefer being alone. I arranged for some of our partner offices to take care of her while she is out of town."

I shifted in my seat as I turned toward her, "So, where is Bella going?"

"There are two stops in California, one in New York and one in Chicago."

"Chicago? When, that's my home town?" I asked, hoping Lauren would give up the dates Bella would be there.

"Really," she said as she smiled at me. I decided to tell her a little more to see if she would give anything thing up.

"I grew up in the Gold Coast neighborhood. I leave for Chicago in about a week." My thoughts immediately focused on my trip to Chicago. I would be going to visit some old friends I had known growing up and I wondered if Bella would be there when I would be.

"That's the rich side of town isn't?" she asked as she leaned toward me resting her arms on the table. "You have family there?"

"No, I don't have any family," I said flatly as I stared at Lauren's coffee cup. She wasn't giving up anything and I began to get frustrated. I had to keep trying, but how?

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." Lauren touched my arm again but this time it made me feel uncomfortable. I didn't like talking about my family and I was getting tired of this game. My arm flinched as she gave it a squeeze. I sat straight up in my chair as she pulled her hand away and opened her billfold to pull out a business card. As she slid it across the table toward me she leaned forward, "If you change your mind about the fun, give me a call."

I picked up the card knowing that I would never call her. "Thanks," I said as I slipped her card in my back pocket without looking at it. A pained look crossed Lauren's face as she sat there staring at me. I'm sure that look mirrored my own as I realized this conversation was over and I had nothing further to go on. I knew what she wanted but I wasn't interested. If I wanted meaningless and empty I could just go home and jerk off. I would rather have instant gratification without the need for all the clingy morning-after bullshit. I glanced over my shoulder at the line of people that were starting to form at the counter and then back at Lauren as I was about to tell her I needed to get back to work. She sighed as she stuffed her billfold back in her purse and shifted in her seat to stand. I stood up with her, thankful that I didn't have to tell her I had to go, and reached across the table to take her empty coffee cup.

"Are you sure you don't want to go grab some dinner?" Lauren asked as she slid her purse strap up her shoulder, "My treat."

This was getting embarrassing. This woman wasn't fucking giving up. I almost felt bad for her. She must be really lonely to keep pushing like she was. I shook my head as I answered, motioning to the people lined up at the counter, "No, I really can't get away."

"Shame…oh well," she shrugged and then extended her hand to me. "It was awfully nice to have met you Edward." She smiled brightly at me as she shook my hand. Again with the touching!

"You too," I agreed as she turned to leave, relief filling me that the pushing was over. As Lauren walked out the door I let out a ragged breath as I rubbed my forehead.

I got back to work in the kitchen and after I helped take care of some orders, I headed to my office. I needed to think. I needed a plan. I sat down at my desk and thought about everything that happened today.

I had woken up, gone for my morning run, showered, and come to work as usual. It was no different from any other day and yet it amazed me how one side-step of my daily routine left me in a wake of wonderment and utter confusion. _What's Bella's deal?_ I wondered as I reached for her book. There was no picture of her on the back cover and the author profile was vague. I flipped the book over and read the cover. "Pieces of Moonlight by Isabella Cullen," I said reading the title and her name out loud. I gently ran my fingers over the silver print of her name on the black cover sleeve of the book. "Bella," I whispered and smiled as I recalled our exchanges.

I had agreed to get Erin's copy of her book signed while she was out of town. She was an old friend of mine and had worked with me since I opened the coffee shop a few years ago. We were never romantically involved though sometimes I got the feeling that she wished we were more than just friends. Erin was like a sister to me and I just didn't think of her in that way. I really didn't mind getting the book signed for her; she was the closest thing to family I had left.

I had arrived at the bookstore while Bella was on a break. I was looking around at some of the bestsellers when I saw her walk in with her friends. I was instantly taken aback by her beauty. I laughed as I thought about how ridiculous I must have looked as I ducked behind a tower of books to spy on her. _Fucking dumbass,_ I chuckled to myself as I thought about how I watched her, slipping between racks of books trying to be inconspicuous. It took me a couple of minutes to work up the courage to go over to her table once I realized that she was the author I was there to see. I don't know why I had been so nervous. It's not like I had never been around a pretty woman before. I had certainly dated my fair share, but I knew there was something different about her already. Even after I met her and saw her again that afternoon in my shop, I couldn't get a feel for her and it was clearly frustrating me. I knew what I felt when I looked into her eyes and touched her, but I was getting nothing from her.

I opened the front cover of the book to the inscription to see what Bella had written. I expected to see something like "Best of Luck" or "Warm Regards" like most authors' inscriptions. I was shocked to find quite the opposite.

_Edward,_

"_By that sin fell the angels" ~Shakespeare_

_~Bella_

"She wrote my name," I whispered as I smiled and touched her handwriting. _By that sin fell the angels. _I sat in silence for a moment as I stared at the script. A million things were running through my mind as I ran my hand over my face and through my hair. I had given her Erin's name but she wrote mine instead. What did it mean? Had I infiltrated her mind like she had mine? When we touched, did she feel something too? What the hell was I feeling? I closed my eyes and I could see her beautiful eyes again. I sighed as I looked back down at her book in my lap. It was merely by chance that I met her, but it was fate that brought her back to me, I just knew it. Fate and I had never really been on good terms but maybe it was payback time. I had to see her again.

_Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella…_

I suddenly remembered Lauren's business card in my back pocket. I didn't want to stoop to calling her but I would if it gave me what I wanted to know about Bella. I pulled the card out and looked at it. There, at the bottom, was a website. A smile crossed my lips as I turned to the computer on my desk. Maybe Bella's book signings would be listed on the agency's website. If she were in Chicago when I was, maybe getting another book signed for Erin would be the perfect excuse to see her again. She might think I was crazy but I didn't care. I typed in the agency's web address and the page pulled up. I did a search on Isabella Cullen and found her book as well as the dates of her book tour. I looked at the Chicago dates and then to the calendar on my wall that had my trip dates on it.

"Hot damn!" I yelled as I realized that her dates overlapped my own, which is a good thing because now I wouldn't have to go to the trouble of rearranging my trip. I had no doubt in my mind that I would have. I clicked on the link and wrote the name of the bookstore with the date and time of the signing on the back of Lauren's business card. "Thank you Lauren," I said feeling smug. I pulled out my wallet and carefully stuffed the card behind my driver's license. I felt better about my plan just for the simple fact that I would see her again.

I looked at Bella's book again and decided it was time to go home. I picked up my backpack and slid the book inside it. Erin wasn't going to be back for another week and I would be out of town when she returned. There was no way I was giving up this copy anyway. Bella wrote that inscription to me. This book was mine.

I stopped off and ate some Chinese food on the way home. My fortune cookie read _Good Luck bestows upon you. You will get what your heart desires_. I knew it was generic as hell but I couldn't help but smile when I read it. I knew I was being fucking stupid but it still made me feel good. Now that I was home, all I wanted to do was read Bella's book. I got undressed down to my boxers and slipped into the cool cotton sheets. I flipped open the book to read the inscription once more. It was like my own piece of happiness.

I read for several hours. Bella's book was very well written and intense. It was the classic vampire tale of dark nights, no sun, crosses, holy water, and lust. The book always took the characters to the brink of sex but never crossed the line. It was like continuous foreplay but with blood involved. I had never read books like this and always considered them 'chick books' so I had no idea of the intensity of emotions that would fill me. I had never been so turned on by a book! I continued to force myself to read despite my exhaustion. Not only was I tired, I was fucking horny as hell thanks to Bella and her book…and her eyes….and her lips. I really didn't feel like getting out of bed so I tried to ignore the monster growing in my boxers. I placed the book on my chest and closed my eyes trying to think about something else to calm myself. I could see Bella's face just beyond the darkness of my eyelids. I knew it wasn't helping my present situation but I didn't want to open my eyes and loose the image. Before I knew what happened, I was out cold.

In the darkness of my sleep, I could see flashes of images from my life. Nothing really stood out until the images fell away and I began to focus in on a large stone mansion. I made my way up through its darkened gates to the front door. The door itself was twice my height and had massive iron gargoyle faces with large rings in their mouths. I lifted my hand to grasp the ring and firmly knocked it against the wooden door. Lightning flashed all around me as the ring banged against the door. The door slowly creaked open but there was no one there.

"Hello" I called out in the darkness as I looked through the door's opening. I saw nothing but the flicker of a candle's flame. I slipped through the door and it slammed loudly behind me, its loud boom masked by the thunder which roared outside. The flicker of the candle pulled my attention again as I slowly made my way towards it and saw that it began to float through the air. There was no one around it; I couldn't even make out the candle itself really, only the flame. I was entranced by its shimmering glow. I felt the need to continue to follow it through the darkness as it led me up the stairs and down a blackened hallway.

_Edward_, I heard a soft whispering hiss coming from the stills of the murky shadows. _Come to me Edward_, the voice hissed again. It surrounded me, echoing off the walls of the long corridor. I felt the fear reasoning with my brain that I needed to turn and run but I continued forward, intrigued by the floating flame and the whispering feminine voice. The flame turned and led me up a spiraling stair case. _Edward_, the sighing voice called to me once again as I paused at the top of the stairwell.

The light was leading me down another passageway. In the gloomy halls I could just barely make out another door in the distance. The light passed right through it leaving me in the darkness but I could faintly see its glow under the edges of the door frame. I placed my hands on the cold wood and pushed it open. The room was empty except for a long stone bench where a woman lay across it in a white gown. Her arms were folded across her waist and her dark silky hair cascaded off the stone and hung in loose curls off its edge. I thought I could hear more whispering but as I entered the room, it stopped. Several candles around the stone bench suddenly lit on their own as I walked forward to the woman lying on the slab of stone. It was Bella, looking ever more beautiful and breathtakingly stunning in the candlelight.

"Bella?" I whispered as I looked upon her seemingly lifeless body. I reached out to touch her hand with a tremble in my own. It was cold and as hard as the stone she laid upon. I dropped down to my knees as I put my ear to her heart. There was nothing. I sat up and looked at her serene face. I ran my fingers across the smooth cool skin of her cheek. Lightning flashed again outside pulling my attention from Bella's body. As the thunder rolled, I looked back down at Bella. She looked so peaceful laying there but I refused to believe she was dead. "Bella!" I yelled as I gently shook her. I dropped my head back to her chest feeling despair. I glanced back up to her face knowing I had lost her as my panic rose.

Her eyes snapped open. I felt confused as I stared down at her; my hand was still holding hers. She suddenly thrust her upper body forward as she hissed. Her eyes were black and full of hunger. Her lips curled back to reveal her fangs.

Fear jerked me to my feet as Bella swung around to a sitting position and faced me, her arms now stretched out in front of her. She was off the bench and stalking towards me as I was backing up to the door. I glanced behind me to gage how far I was from it when I felt cool fingers grabbing me. I jerked my head back around as Bella's iron grip turned my face sideways. I was sure my chilling fear would be evident on my face. _Edward_, she whispered as I looked into her dark ravenous eyes and my fear gripped me tighter as I realized her lips hadn't actually moved to form the word. She looked sad for a moment as a single tear fell down her check. Her eyes then rolled back into her head leaving only the whites showing and with a deep growl, she sank her teeth into my neck.

"Jesus!" I yelled as I woke with a start feeling the cold sweat on my body. I was gasping for air as I propped myself up sideways on my elbow. "What the fuck!" I instantly grabbed at my neck expecting to feel blood as I caught sight of Bella's book on the ground out of the corner of my eye. I sharply exhaled as I fell back against the bed. "Just a dream," I mumbled as I rubbed my eyes. I turned over and cut the bedside lamp off as I took a deep breath and dropped my arm back down on the bed. I rolled over on my side pulling the blankets up around me as I closed my eyes again.

I felt myself slowly beginning to drift back to sleep as my breathing became slow and even and my mind relaxed. I wasn't a child for fuck's sake, I could handle scary dreams! Everything was calm in the darkness of my apartment when I heard my bedroom floor creak and I cannot deny that in the darkness, on this particular night, it freaked me out. I lifted my head up only to see Bella standing in my bedroom. Bella! She was wearing a short white satin nightgown that looked lovely against her creamy alabaster skin. She was standing next to my open bedroom window. The curtains were blowing gently in the wind causing Bella's nightgown to flutter against her legs and stomach. Her long brown hair gently swayed in the breeze just above her waist.

"Bella?" I asked, "What the hell…how did you get in here?" I tried not to sound angry, which I wasn't of course, I was dumbfounded and speechless and quite fucking turned on! Part of me didn't care one bit for the why's or the how's, I was more concerned as to why I was still so far away from her after she'd been standing in front of me for at least a full 4 seconds now. I propped myself back up on my elbow as I rubbed my eyes trying to focus on her better. I saw her smile and then turn toward my open window indicating that she had entered through it, which made no sense because my apartment was on the third floor, but my mind didn't want to process anything rational, Bella was here and that was all that mattered. She looked back at me like she was waiting for something and I was still immovable, my heart pounding so loud I was glad she couldn't hear it. She brought her hand up to her face and gently touched her lips as they parted. Fuck! That is so sexy. I felt my dick stir and I tried to settle myself. Bella rolled her head to the side spilling her silky hair softly over her shoulder as she trailed her fingers down her exposed neck. She continued to run her hand down between her breast and across her abdomen. My eyes followed her movements, powerless to look away, my breathing coming quicker and my body infinitesimally leaning towards her. I wanted her. I became even more aroused as I watched her hand move just under her breast. The sheer fabric clung to her and I saw her hardened nipples. Her movements sent another wave of desire through my body. Her hand slid down her hip as she raised the edge of her nightgown over her thigh. She was looking directly into my eyes but I couldn't take mine off her hands which were making their way to between her legs. Seeing her like this was wrecking my mind and my body ached to feel her, to touch her, to kiss her, to follow her hand movements with my tongue.

"Oh Bella," I whispered, as I licked my lips and finally looked into her eyes to find them lust filled. I lifted my hand calling her body to me and slowly she began walking toward me, every soft step making me more excited. As she neared I rolled onto my back, supporting my upper body by my elbows. Once she reached the bed she bent over and grabbed the covers, gently pulling them down. A smile crossed my lips as I felt the sheet and blankets fall away from my skin leaving me only covered by my boxers. I had not yet looked away from her haunting, mesmerizing eyes but knew I was fully aroused and my erection would be straining against the cotton of my boxers. Bella knelt down on the bed and began to crawl up beside my legs, a low moan escaping her as she slipped her fingers under the waistband of my boxers and I did nothing to stop her. I lifted my hips as she slid them off my body, feeling the feather light touches of her fingers against my skin.

Bella smiled but never said a word as she began gently kissing and biting the inside of my thigh. "Fuck," I hissed and laid my head back down on the pillow as she worked her way up my body. Her tongue licked up my hip as my body shook with pleasure. "Bella," I moaned feeling her wet and soft kisses grazing my stomach. She continued to lick and kiss her way up my chest to my neck. I reached my hand up and plunged it into her silky hair as I felt her lick from my neck all the way to my ear. My body felt like it was on fire, like it was alive for the first time. I had no idea why she was here or what was happening but I knew it was the first thing that had made sense to me in a long time. The feel of her in my hands, the feel of her tongue on my body filled me with a peace that enveloped my mind while my soul joined my body in the fire that was consuming me. _She_ was consuming me and I knew I never wanted to let her go.

She threw her leg over my waist straddling me. I could feel the heat from her arousal and I realized she wasn't wearing any underwear as she held herself over me. She smiled as my dick involuntarily twitched underneath her. Upon seeing her smile I was done for, I reached out and pulled her forward, crushing her lips to mine. My lips parted and I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth. A moan escaped me as my tongue ran across her bottom lip. She opened her mouth to me and our tongues touched, hard at first and then more gently. Her hair fell across my face as both my hands now entangled themselves in her silky locks. I could kiss her for hours, she tasted like ambrosia.

Bella broke away from our kiss as she looked deep into my lust filled eyes. Her mouth opened as she angled her hips and I felt the tip of my cock slide into her hot wetness. She licked her lips as she slowly slid herself down and took all of me inside of her. She sat up on my hips and my hands gripped her thighs not wanting to let go of her skin. As incredible as she looked with her knees on either side of my body, the feeling of my cock deep inside her was unbelievable. I closed my eyes as I felt them rolling back into my head and let out a sigh of pleasure, but thought I heard an echoed _Nooo _as she lightly caressed my face and I snapped them open once more.

The strap of her nightgown slid off her shoulder baring her breast as she began to rock her hips against mine. I groaned as I reached up and squeezed her breast, running my thumb over her exposed nipple and seeing her hand come up to cover my own. Her head fell back as both our hands covered her breast. I felt my pleasure building as she continued to rock against my hips and heard her breathing heavier and faster. She leaned forward and gently licked my lips and then moved back down to my neck. I closed my eyes as I felt her gently sucking on the skin just above my collarbone, still riding me in a slow rhythm. I felt her teeth softly tug at my skin as warmth began to trickle over my shoulder and she sat up with her head tilted up towards the ceiling. I opened my eyes wanting to reach up and touch her again but my hand stopped short when I saw blood trailing from the corner of her lips. I quickly reached up to my neck and felt a warm sticky substance. I brought my hand in front of my face and it was covered in blood.

"Holy fuck!" I yelled as I sat straight up in bed gasping for air and still looking at my hand. I turned toward the window which now had the light of the morning shining through and the blood which was there a moment ago was gone. So was Bella. I looked wildly around the room and realized that I was alone.

"Bella!" I called out to her in my confusion. Was she gone….or never there?

It was indeed daylight outside. I was still covered with blankets, the window was closed, and there was no blood on my hands. I lifted both my hands to my face and though at first I could smell the scent of her hair on them, I knew what had just happened. I threw the covers back and found my boxers still on, and my arousal still hard, unsatisfied. I felt devastated, like I had lost something precious and I wanted her back – NOW!

I looked at Bella's book lying open on the floor and shook my head. I knew that as soon as I possibly could I would be back here in this bed reading that book, reading her thoughts and feeling like I was connected at least with that small part of her. A sick part of me hoped that when I read more tonight she would come to me again in my dreams, only this time I'd be ready for her. _Oh please come to me again!_ I hadn't had an erotic dream since I was a teenager but the intensity of what I had just felt couldn't be called merely a dream. I still felt the ache of loss on my fingertips; my skin could still feel the tingling her tongue left over it.

I started to laugh nervously as I got up out of bed. I was done sleeping for now, even though I was still exhausted. I decided to forgo my morning run. I needed coffee, and I _really_ needed some extra time in my shower, alone.

_Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella Bella…_


	4. Chapter 4 Not the only one who got lucky

**A/N: **Just a quick note - our goal is to update at least once a week but it usually ends up being once every 4 1/2 days. We can't help it! We are just as excited about writing the story as people are about reading it. The last chapter was Edward's POV from the time Bella left The Roasted Seed until the next morning, this chapter is Bella's POV that begins in the same spot where she leaves The Roasted Seed and ends around the same time Edward's POV ended. We hope you enjoy it! Oh, and we do love the reviews!! Thanks to everyone who has read the story and a special thanks to those of you who took the time to leave a review or comment! You guys rock! :)

_**Disclaimer: Nicky and I do not own Twilight or any of its characters, we just like to play with them!**_

"Here comes the night  
The bedroom in shadows  
Candlelights  
I don't know where it's coming from  
But I, I keep moving on  
Till the darkest thought makes me want to try these wings"

~ Lost in the Shadows by Lou Gramm

* * *

"Looks like I wasn't the only one who got lucky last night"

~*~

**-:BPOV:-**

Walking away from Edward at the coffee shop was one of the hardest things I had ever done. Everything in me screamed for him, everything I was as a vampire and everything I was as a woman; his scent, his eyes, his lips, his smile, his lips, his dimples, his lips, his lips… I had to force myself to keep walking. Even though every step away from him ensured his safety for me, every step became more grueling, every step became loss. I could feel his pull on me weakening and by the time we had reached the car I couldn't feel him at all. I pulled the car door open and glanced once more back toward the coffee shop. My mind battled with my body about getting in the car. _It's for the best Isabella, walk away_.

I finally took a deep breath and forced myself into the back seat knowing I had done the right thing but hating having to do it. I had come to terms with what I had become a long time ago and had gotten over all of my regret…until now. I looked at Alice in the passenger seat quietly talking with Jasper as he was driving us further away from Edward. She was holding his hand and I felt a tinge of sadness - sadness and longing. I had never missed having that type of a relationship…until now.

I loved being a part of the Cullen family. I could not have chosen a better family to live with and I was lucky they had found me the night I almost died, well, the night I _did_ die. I thought about James and Victoria now and shuddered. They had hunted me, hunted me in the very streets of this town, and had stolen my human life from me, the life I thought I was just starting out in, and the life that I had taken for granted. I didn't want to be that to Edward, his destroyer. I didn't want him to feel disgust when he thought of me, even if it was only for his last dying breath. The idea of hunting him down and taking his life sickened me. A world without Edward, a world where I extinguished his light and epitomized the depths of the monster I had the capacity to be, was not a world worth living in. _He has to live!_

It was in that moment, feeling both desire for him and disgust in myself, in seeing the love emanating from Alice and Jasper in the front seat and knowing I wanted little more than to feel that myself, that I knew I could never see him again. After this tour I would have to leave Seattle and never come back. Edward would not suffer by my hand. It was done.

_Edward would NOT suffer by my hand!_

I was relieved and yet saddened by my resolve. I was not human. Edward deserved to be happy and he deserved to live out his human life. If my family wouldn't come with me, then I would have to go alone even though being alone terrified me. When I was human I enjoyed the silence that came from being alone but now that I was immortal, the silence was deafening. I can't pinpoint how or why that changed, but I felt as if the silence would swallow me if I sat in it too long. Human traits like fidgeting or shifting your weight when you stood too long were not necessary and yet I did them anyway just so I wouldn't lose that part of my humanity. I have seen members of my family sit for many hours and never move an inch, not even blinking. Did it bother me because I was the youngest of the family and had not fully adapted to the immortal lifestyle? Did it bother me because it was so…inhuman? No. Either way, I always made sure to keep myself distracted with music and books. Silence made the reality of my immortality too absolute and I tried to avoid it as much as possible. Reading and writing helped me hold onto my human emotions, and music was the glue that held it all together. I didn't want to stop feeling human emotions like some vampires have been known to do, so I reveled in the life and love of my characters, I wrote a life for them that I could have no more. I knew I was living through them, expressing and experiencing my desires through my writing, and I'm sure my family did as well, but I was grateful no one brought it up. What good would it do? They were all paired up and I wasn't, talking about it wasn't going to make a difference.

I gazed out the window at the passing scenery and realized we weren't headed home. Just as I was about to ask, Alice stopped talking with Jasper and looked back at me with a pained looked on her face that worried me.

"We need to hunt before we leave," she said. I had been so wrapped up in thinking about Edward that the basic need of feeding had completely slipped my mind. _Hmmph, that's certainly a first, I wish I could laugh about it. Wait, what did she say? _

"We leave?" I questioned

"Yes, I'm going with you to California." Alice's face melted into a bright smile but there was no point in questioning her because Alice was…Alice. There was _always_ a reason behind what she did and if she didn't want you to know that reason, there was no way to get it out of her. My only thought was if she was leaving Jasper to come with me, she had to have seen me doing something bad. That was the only reason I could think of for her to come with me. But truth be known, I was thankful she was going with me and I wondered if she somehow knew that too.

It didn't take us long to find our prey. We came across a herd of elk after the first hour of hunting. Elk weren't my favorite, but at this point, I would take what I could get. After we feed our bodies always feel warmer and our skin becomes softer. It always makes me feel more human than inhuman. Feeding also gives our skin a more fleshy pink tone and my cheeks would appear to have a natural blush that lasts a few days. In reverse, the longer we went without feeding, the further away from anything resembling human we would get. Go more than two weeks and our skin would turn cold and hard like stone or marble. I tried not to let it get that far because the thirst almost becomes insatiable and you start to lose your focus on not feeding on humans. Yet another reminder of what I was.

On our way home I pulled out my iPod and as the music filtered through my ear buds my thoughts drifted back to Edward. My need for his blood was not as strong now that I had fed but _because_ I had just fed, the need for _him_ hit me full force. I had only dated a few guys when I was human and had only slept with one guy during my first year of college. I cared about that guy but it was awkward and even though we had still remained friends, I decided it would be better to wait until I was in love before I would sleep with anyone else. Thinking about it now almost made me wish that I had not experienced it at all. But even though my first time wasn't what I thought it would be, I still craved to be that close to someone again. _If that someone could be Edward_, I thought as I felt the pain of yearning in my stomach.

If I were still human I would have been old enough to be Edward's mother! I decided not to follow that line of thinking. I was, after all, forever trapped at the age of twenty. I would never grow old and I would never die. That was the price of my immortality. That was just another reason why a vampire should never fall in love with a human unless the human was eventually turned. Every emotion that a human felt was amplified one hundred fold when you were a vampire and the loss of a loved one would be devastating. Loving Edward and then losing him would be absolutely catastrophic.

I glanced up at Alice and Jasper's hands intertwined on the console between the front seats. Alice was lucky, fifty-one years ago she knew she would meet Jasper in that diner in Philadelphia and she set out to find him. Even though she waited a long time, she never gave up because she knew that fate would bring him to her. They were destined to be together, true soul mates and both vampires. That day in the diner where she found him, Jasper took Alice's hand without question and they have never looked back. I've never wanted a 'special power' like seeing into the future like Alice had, but sometimes I almost wished I could have that one little question answered. What is to become of me?

We drove across the Fox Island Bridge around three in the morning and I looked out across the black water thinking about the next ten days. The sooner I got on that plane, the better. Edward wouldn't be safe until I was gone. Even though I kept telling myself it was the right thing for Edward it was still hard for me to instantly let go of all the thoughts and emotions that had been flooding my mind since yesterday. Was it really only yesterday? How can everything be turned upside down, how can everything get so convoluted in such a short time? I had lived like this for two decades and in one afternoon it all came crashing down around me and I simply…fell. Fell into the scent of fresh coffee, vanilla, caramel and spice. And now I knew my only course was to run away, run from him rather than what I really wanted. But the monster would always be with me and the instrument of Edward's inevitable demise would live within me and follow me wherever I went, just waiting for the chance to take him. _Edward would NOT suffer by my hand!_

I ran my hands through my hair and laid my head back, trying to clear my mind of the deluge of misery and confused emotions which were overtaking me, and like a glutton for punishment as I closed my eyes my thoughts went straight to Edward, imagining him in his home lying in his bed. I could see him laying there on his back with the blankets pulled across his waist, his chest bare and his breathing shallow. His eyes were closed but were fluttering like he was about to wake and I held my breath for the moment when he would open them and his emerald embrace would assault my mind. The moonlight caressed his exposed skin…

"Bella!" Alice tapped my leg and I jumped. I pulled the ear buds out of my ears as I opened my eyes to look at her. I am sure she saw the confusion on my face as I realized I was still in the car. I looked around to see the lights of our home shining through the trees. "We're home." She said as I nodded a slow response. "I'll need a few hours to get myself packed and umm…," Alice paused as she shot a knowing look at Jasper and then finished her sentence, "anyway, I'll be ready around six." She said not being able to keep herself from smiling.

"OK," I nodded again in agreement as I bit my lip and looked down at my hands. We got out of the car in front of the house. The house sat on the highest hill on Fox Island with panoramic views that were breathtakingly beautiful. The house itself was made of stone, stucco, and wood with a cedar shake roof. It was modeled after a European French Country home. The wood and glass double French front doors opened and I saw Esme step out onto the front porch. I walked up to her feeling the need for her motherly love as her arms wrapped around me. When Esme hugged me, it made me feel like everything would be alright. All the stress of the day just melted away.

"Oh, honey, are you OK?" She asked as she stroked the back of my head. She needed no special powers to see right through me.

"I'm fine," I answered hugging her back suddenly feeling much better about my situation.

"Uh, we're going to go upstairs." Alice announced as she grabbed Jasper's hand tugging him up the partially winding staircase that was built into the curve of the wall across from the living room.

Esme let me go and turned to toward Alice and Jasper, "I must warn you," she called after the two going up the stairs, "Rosalie and Emmett are making up."

"Great," I mumbled under my breath as I glanced up the now empty staircase envisioning the other loved-up couple of the family. Out of all the houses we had lived in, this house was my favorite! I looked around the empty living area at the beautiful high lofted ceilings and the huge fireplace. There was a rod iron chandelier that hung in the living area and hardwood floors with an exquisite light colored oriental rug under the furniture. There were wood columns that ran across the living room and up along the ceilings. Every room had a breathtaking view during the day and there was a pool and Jacuzzi area outside that overlooked Hale's Passage. The Jacuzzi was one of my favorite features. If I sat in it long enough, my skin would become warm and soft again, just like a human's, but it didn't last long once I got out. Feeding was the only thing that gave me the closest thing to human skin that lasted nearly a week. A good hunt every five to seven days would keep me from turning gray and hardening like marble.

"You can stay down here with me sweetheart," Esme smiled as she turned to me.

"Actually, I think I need to freshen up. I feel a little gamey." I said as I dusted some dirt off my pants.

"Well, I'm here if you need me." Esme patted my shoulder and then turned toward the brightly lit kitchen. The brightly lit but _unused_ kitchen was Emse's favorite part of the house.

I began to ascend the staircase wishing I didn't have to walk by Rosalie and Emmett's room on the way to mine. Sure enough, as I rounded the corner heading toward my room, I could hear the muffled sound of Emmett calling Rosalie's name as I passed their door. I rolled my eyes as I slipped into my room. I locked my door, quietly undressed, and walked into my bathroom to take a shower. Even though showering wasn't really necessary, it was still a human trait I couldn't let go of.

After I was finished, I wrapped myself in a towel and stepped back in my room putting on the stereo as I closed the bathroom door. Sarah McLachlan's acoustic version of _Possession_ came on as I lied down on my bed and let Edward permeate my mind once more. I closed my eyes and went back to my earlier thoughts of Edward sleeping in his bed. In my mind, his beautiful body lay before me now completely uncovered and unclothed. I envisioned him looking at me and beckoning to me like a lover would. I touched my lips as I pretended it was his lips on mine. I then trailed my hand down my neck and undid my towel as my mind visualized him being the one to pull the towel off of me. I lifted one hand to my breast, teasing my nipple with it as the other started it's a path down my stomach still fantasizing that it was Edward touching me. My hand slipped between my legs feeling the wetness of the tender skin. A small moan escaped my lips and I whispered Edward's name in the dark and was rewarded by the memory of his sweet caramel smell. One hand slowly moved in small circles between my legs as the other gently rubbed and pulled at my breasts. I could see Edward smiling at me in my mind as the intensity of my desire began to build in my body. It didn't take long for the rapture to explode as the waves of my orgasm over took me.

Afterward, I rolled over to my side and pulled the towel over me wishing that I could really feel Edward's warm arms around me. I opened my eyes to the darkness of my room and instantly felt alone and hollow. My fantasy only momentarily filled the void and I realized it was stupid of me to allow myself to entertain any thoughts of being with Edward. It would only make staying away that much harder. I wanted him, but I knew I couldn't have him. It just wasn't possible. I didn't feel the need for his blood now but I was sure it was only because I had fed. I was also fully aware that the waning need for his _blood_ didn't mean I didn't want to taste him, taste his skin, taste his tongue on mine while he breathed into me.

Reluctantly, I pulled myself off my bed and began to get dressed. I could tell that dawn was approaching because the sky was getting lighter outside. Alice would be banging on my door if I wasn't downstairs soon. I turned off my stereo, grabbed my bags, and stepped out of my room thankful that the hallway was now quiet. I moved down the stairs and into the kitchen where I found Esme going over some building plans. I knew she had been planning an addition to the house. Esme liked architecture and interior design. She did a lot of remodeling to occupy her time.

"All packed?" she asked looking up from her papers.

"I think so," I answered as I set my bags down on the kitchen floor.

"Carlisle sends his love and said he was sorry he couldn't be here to say goodbye himself," Esme stood up and walked over to me.

"It's OK," I answered as she took my hands in hers.

"I'm so proud of you," she whispered as she pulled me closer to hug me. "And whatever this is that is bothering you, it will work out."

It amazed me how she always knew when something was bothering me. I hugged her back as Alice came bounding into the kitchen.

"Ready to go?" Alice asked as she set her bags down.

"Finally rid of you huh?" I looked up to see Rosalie walk in behind Alice with Emmett close behind her.

"Aw, Rosie, lay off," Emmett said as he walked over to me and scooped me up in a big bear hug. "I'm gonna miss my little sister," He grunted as he swung me around the kitchen.

"Put me down Em!" I half laughed, half yelled. Emmett dropped me to my feet as his big hand ruffled the hair on top of my head.

"You know you love me!" He laughed as I punched him in the shoulder.

"You guys ready to head out?" Jasper appeared behind Alice as he kissed her on the cheek.

"Yup, we're ready!" Alice said as Jasper picked up her bags. I started to grab mine but Emmett grabbed them before I did.

"Let me help you with that kid," Emmett grabbed both suitcases in one hand as Rosalie gave a disapproving look.

"Bye sweetie," Esme leaned in to kiss me on the cheek. "Good luck."

"And good riddance," Rosalie mumbled under her breath. I cast a wary glance at Rosalie and then smiled at Esme as we said out final goodbyes and headed out the front door. Emmett gave me another hug before I got in the car and made sure that I knew if I needed him, all I had to do was call and he would be on his way. I loved Emmett, he and Alice were my favorites. Jasper was cool but he was really quiet. When Jasper looked at you, you could tell he was studying you, feeling out your emotions. He was great to have around when you were stressed or upset.

We chatted a little on the way to the airport. I tried not to think of Edward but blocking him out was nearly impossible. It was even harder as we drove by the interstate exit that would have taken us back to The Roasted Seed. It was a good thing I wasn't driving or I would have taken the exit that would take me to Edward, accidentally of course.

Once we were at the airport Jasper dropped us off at area two. I went in to check my bags and print my ticket just to give Alice and Jasper a few minutes alone. We had some time before our flight took off but I felt more secure knowing that Edward was safer now that I was at the airport and on my way to leaving.

As soon as my bags were checked I saw Alice a few counters down checking her bags. When she was finished we went through security and then we stopped off at a newsstand so Alice could pick up the latest fashion magazines for our trip. I knew Alice had checked a nearly empty suitcase just so she could fill it full of new purchases and souvenirs. Alice loved to shop and even though I didn't, I knew it made her happy so I wouldn't fight her about it. She kept the family up to date in all of the latest fashions. To me, a pair of jeans and a t-shirt was the perfect outfit but to Alice, that was blasphemy. Over time, I had learned to put up and shut up when it came to clothes.

Alice and I talked while we waited to board our flight. We talked about the book tour and what she wanted to do and see while we were in California. She was excited about going and I was just happy to have the company. Never once did she mention Edward and neither did I. Part of me was relieved that it didn't come up and yet part of me wanted to get it off my chest. I decided the best way to get over it was to get it out on paper.

They called for boarding and once we were on the plane I felt even better. I was proud of myself. It had almost been sixteen hours since I last saw Edward and now that I was on the plane, he was safe and I could relax. As we taxied down the runway and took off, I was able to relax even further. Alice was settled in with her magazine and I had in my ear buds with a fresh notebook on the pull down tray and a pen in hand. I tapped my pen mindlessly on the blank paper as I tried to figure out where to begin my new story.

My mind kept reflecting back to yesterday. All I could think about was Edward's smile. No matter how much I wanted to make him mine, the classic tale of love didn't work when you were a vampire and your love interest was a human. I laughed to myself; that would be like the lion falling in love with the lamb. Could the lion get beyond the carnal need to feed? Could the lamb ever feel anything but fear while in the arms of the lion? Would the lion loose all self control in the heat of passion and destroy everything? Could the lamb truly love the lion knowing that the lion was a natural born killer? Why am I comparing Edward to a farm animal?

Could predator and prey ever exist together without it ending in death? _Hmmph, that's healthier!_

Alice's hand fell upon my hand to stop my pen from tapping the paper. I turned to her and popped out my ear buds. "Sorry," I said apologizing for my annoyance.

"Bella, stop worrying," she whispered.

"I'm not worrying," I lied. Alice knew I was lying and gave me a grim look.

"Yes, you are," she huffed as she folded her arms across her chest.

"Well…maybe just a little," I admitted as I shrugged.

"Maybe a lot," she said as she closed her magazine.

"Alice, it's complicated," I signed as I turned off my iPod knowing that this conversation was unavoidable.

"It's only as complicated as you make it," she said as she turned in her seat to face me.

"I just can't risk it," I said, knowing there was no logical outcome that ended in happiness for me or Edward if I attempted a relationship with him.

_Edward would NOT suffer by my hand!_

"Don't you trust me?" Alice looked hurt as she looked down at her hands.

"Yes, I trust you Alice," I paused, "I just don't trust myself." I bit my lip as I looked down at the blank notebook page.

"I know it's tough now but you will be happy. I've seen it. You and Edward will be happy…together." There it was, she said it, out loud and to the point. _Edward and I will be happy together_. Alice was so certain in what she saw sometimes that it was easy to get caught up in her predictions. The truth of it was, the visions were only based off what people had decided but if they changed their minds the visions changed also, thus making the visions flawed and unstable.

_Edward and I will be happy together_.

_Edward would NOT suffer by my hand!_

"Thanks Alice," I smiled half heartedly hoping she would just let it go. I already felt like crap about all this I didn't want to have to argue with her as well.

"He's good for you," she said and she looked as if she totally believed it. "Human or not," she whispered, getting my full attention as she implored me with her gaze "You will be in love with him." My eyes held hers for too long, my thoughts a mixture of surprise and…hope? _No Alice, don't do this to me! _I didn't say anything back to her as I let her words sink in.

_Love._ That wasn't possible for me was it?

_Love._ I glanced across the aisle at the couple sitting across from us.

_Edward and I will be happy together_. They looked happy as they whispered and kissed each other quietly.

_In love with him._ I wanted to feel love.

_Edward. _I wanted what every member of my family had.

_Edward would NOT suffer by my hand!_

I was now more confused as I felt my resolve to be away from Edward slipping. There was definitely something there, _wasn't there?_ I could tell by the way he looked at me that he was interested, _couldn't I?_ Could he be? Would he be?

I thought about my self-gratification indulgence earlier that morning. _Edward..._

I glanced at Alice who was back to reading her magazine. I wondered if she knew what I had done. If she did, I doubt that she would ever say anything. It wasn't like I didn't know that she and Jasper had sex once when we got back to the house. The only difference was that Alice might have actually seen me doing it in her mind. Hopefully she was so involved with Jasper she didn't focus on anything else.

I looked back down at my notebook page, no longer blank but with a line of 'Edward Edward Edward Edward' written across the bottom which I hoped Alice hadn't seen. I closed my eyes and saw his piercing green eyes staring down at me; I could stare into those beautiful emerald eyes for the rest of my long life. I let myself imagine a life with Edward. I thought about him working at The Roasted Seed. I could see him running around with the white apron tied around his waist. I could picture myself working there with him, side by side, making coffee and giving each other knowing looks. How he would walk by me and let his hand gently touch me as he went by, or kiss me in the back room when no one was around. I could see it all and it suddenly felt…right? I could smell the aroma of the coffee around us, I could hear the buzz of the customers, I imagined his soft voice whispering to me, _Good morning love_, his hand in the small of my back, his lingering smile as he looked me up and down, the slight peek of his tongue as he licked his lips, his breath caressing my neck as he leaned in to rub his cheek on mine, so tender, so soft, so warm…

It was in that moment that I realized that my want for Edward superseded my want for his blood. My eyes flew open.

I could do this.

I looked over at Alice who was now smiling at me knowing that she was right all along. I smiled back at her as I gently bumped her shoulder with my own. "See! I told you!" she beamed.

"Yeah…you did." I smiled back at her and for the first time in twenty years, I felt hope, I almost felt truly happy.

_Edward Edward Edward Edward Edward Edward Edward Edward…_

**A/N:** See my profile for a link to Sarah McLachlan's Possession, and a picture of the Cullen House


	5. Chapter 5 How could Chinese be wrong?

**A/N:** Hello all! Nicky and I would like to welcome you back to our wonderful little world where Edward totally rules and Jacob isn't even a figment of either or our imaginations!

**Story note:** Edward's thoughts on the Shakespeare inscription are to let everyone to know that Edward can accept 'sin' and fallen angels, whether (eventually) he is the angel falling into vampirism, or Bella is the angel falling when she takes his life, or just them falling in love. We want you all to know that "falling" is inevitable in this story, as it should always be with Edward & Bella. For those of you who didn't catch it, the main character in Bella's book is Maria which is in relation to Bella's middle name "Marie". Bella isn't writing from personal experience because she has never known love but she does feel that she has lost love itself because she thinks she can never have it.

**Reminder:** Oh, and don't forget to check out the fan-tab-u-lous live journal page that Nicky has created. She did a rockin' awesome job and deserves a round of applause! Go to 4theloveofbella(dot)livejournal(dot)com and remember, don't forget to replace the (dot) with a . and please, feel free to leave some love!

**Disclaimer: **Nicky and I do not own Twilight or any of its characters, we just like to play with them!

"I can't find the right romantic line  
But see me once and see the way I feel  
Don't discard me just because you think I mean you harm  
But these cuts I have they need love to help them heal"

~Roger Daltrey - Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me

* * *

"How could a billion Chinese people be wrong?"

~*~

**-:EPOV:-**

"Damn it!" I growled into my pillow as I awoke from another restless night of sleep, or lack thereof. Two nights had passed since I had dreamt of Bella, dreamt of her coming into my room at night like a majestic spirit, a silent siren of seduction. Every time I woke during the night I would read more of Bella's book hoping she would come back to me in my dreams. I wanted to feel her again, to look into her eyes and touch her soft skin. I wanted her lips on me. Even as an apparition, a figment my imagination, I couldn't shake the feeling of erotic pleasure, of pure wanting and lust I had felt and which had stayed with me for two days. It felt more intense than any real experience I had ever had and even though I was not oblivious to the probable utter insanity of my thoughts, I was still consumed by them.

Now I was exhausted, I was almost finished reading the book, and there was still no Bella. I knew there was no way to force myself to dream but I needed this, badly. I needed it for my own peace of mind. I needed to know that I could have an erotic dream without losing my mind; I needed to know that it wasn't a onetime thing. Sex cannot be better in your dreams than it is in reality, even though it was with the most wondrously divine creature I had ever looked upon and touched; and smelled; and kissed; and tasted…who cares if it wasn't real. I did need to ask her why she bit me.

Why am I contemplating having a conversation with a dream? I needed to rid myself of this raging erection. If this woman had such an effect on my body purely as an apparition, what could she do to me in the light of day? My eyes rolled back into my head as the images flooded my mind and I growled as my dick twitched. I am _not_ going to touch myself again. _Fuck!_

I pulled myself out of bed. I needed to think, and I needed to run. Within ten minutes I was out the door and on my morning run. As my feet pounded the pavement, I tried to think of anything I hadn't already tried to get myself to dream about Bella again. I couldn't actually see her so that was out. That could be the one factor that was missing and, if it was, I was screwed for another seven days. There was also the Lauren factor, but do I want to talk to her again? Ugh, not going there. I had already tried sleeping in the same position, rereading what I had read that first night, I'd gone back to the bookstore; and I'd even tried sleeping in the same pair of boxers I wore the night of the dream. Nothing! It was very frustrating. I started to wonder if I had screwed myself over and ruined the illusion by jerking off in the shower that morning.

I rounded the corner and heard some Asian women arguing with someone over a produce delivery_. Chinese! Fuck, I had Chinese that night, of course!_ Suddenly I was anxious for the day to be over. Tonight I would stop off at that same Chinese takeout restaurant and order the General Tso chicken with rice, just like I did the first night I read Bella's book. I'd heard that if you eat certain things before you sleep, like chocolate for instance, it can cause you to have strange dreams. Maybe the Chinese food was the key! Besides, how can a billion Chinese people be wrong, right? I looked at my watch and realized that I needed to get home and cleaned up before I left for the coffee shop. I was going to be short staffed this morning because Robbie, one of my staff members, needed to come in later than usual which meant I would be working the counter. So with a smile on my face spurred on by my new plan of action, I turned around and headed back towards the apartment to get ready for the day.

Once I hit the door of The Roasted Seed, I was running again. We were very busy. I was thinking about Bella and remembering her smell while I was making a Caramel Macchiato and a Mocha Cream Breva when an idea hit me. Bella! She smelled deliciously like warm mocha cream, cinnamon and honeysuckles. I can make a divine coffee concoction that smells just like her, and the taste, I don't doubt she would taste heavenly. IT! It would taste heavenly, the coffee! If I can't get her out of my mind or back into my dreams, I might as well be creative with all the extra Bella-inspired energy I seemed to have. I'd make a special coffee of the month and name it something like Bella's Café or no, better yet, Bella's Dream!

"Yes" I smiled triumphantly, but then saw the confused looks on the customers' faces as I realized I had just said that out loud. "Oh, I beg your pardon Ma'am, that'll be $6.50."

I remembered that I had invested in some special European honey for teas and there were a few bottles of some monofloral honey that came from the nectar of honeysuckles. If I took that, mocha, and sweet cream with a dash of cinnamon, BINGO! Brilliant!!

After the morning rush, I began working on my Bella's Dream. My mother would have gotten a kick out of this! I remembered her teaching me about all the different kinds of coffee blends and flavors during our many years of java experimentation and smiled at the memory, keenly aware of how much I missed her. I would definitely call Bella's Dream a Melya because it would have sweet cream and unsweetened mocha with the honeysuckle honey, but I would add a dash of cinnamon to give it a hint of something different. I madly started making it but once it was complete, I wasn't completely satisfied, it seemed to be missing something, it just wasn't…perfect, it wasn't Bella. The aroma was incredible but the flavor needed something more. I tried whipped cream and that helped a little but it still needed to be smoother.

I stood there for a moment looking over all the ingredients I had used. Feeling like a mad scientist obsessed with splitting the atom, I mentally went over different mixtures and blends when finally, the answer hit me. If I made the Melya upside down with the whipped cream first it would give me exactly what I needed! As soon as I was finished and satisfied with my creation, I had the staff try it. They seemed to be as excited as I was after having watched me go through the kitchen gathering everything while I made a mess and poured cup after cup down the sink, but in the end everyone agreed that it was incredible. And it was, I had no doubt it would be a hit.

I explained to the staff that this would be the coffee of the month and showed them all how to make it. I then took some chalk and an eraser outside to the chalkboard on the sidewalk. I knew this coffee would be unique; no one else would have anything like it so I couldn't give too much away in my description.

I erased everything on the chalkboard and wrote:

Coffee of the month:

Bella's Dream ~ An upside down Café Melya

made with mocha, cream, and a few secret ingredients

to tempt your senses and inspire your dreams!

Satisfied with what I had written, I opened the doors to the coffee shop. _Upside down,_ I chuckled to myself as I walked back to the counter. Upside down was perfect because that was exactly what Bella had done to me. She had turned my life upside down before I knew what had hit me. I began to clean up my mess behind the counter as I inhaled deeply through my nose taking in the closest thing to Bella I could get, _Bella's Dream._ I closed my eyes and envisioned her before me in the white satin night gown she wore that night in my dream. _Tonight,_ I thought to myself as a faint smile crossed my lips. I felt the excitement rise in my body as I thought of my plans to make her appear to me. It had to happen, it just had to!

"Boy, you sure do look happy." I opened my eyes to see Lizzie's smiling face staring at me. She had worked for me for nearly a year. She was a college student and was the most dependable employee I had besides Erin. She was a young girl, about seventeen with dark hair pulled into two small pigtails on either side of her neck. She also sang and played guitar and was really good at it. She had played a few times at the shop when we had "aspiring artist" night. Her enthusiasm reminded me of myself when I had my band in high school.

"Huh… Yeah, I guess I am," I smiled back at her. I was happy. The thought of Bella made me that way.

"Well, that's a good thing because it looks like we are starting to get the lunch rush," Lizzie stated as she looked behind me to the front doors and I turned to see several people coming in. I started making orders as they came, and then someone ordered my new creation, my Bella's Dream. I made it to perfection, taking in the sweet honey aroma as I capped the lid on it. I was really going to enjoy this!

A few more orders in and I made another one, and then another one after that. Each time I made one the scent was even sweeter than the last. My mind drifted to her, to Bella that day she was in here standing in front of me at her table, unaware that I was behind her, enjoying every last fiber of her being. Even then I wanted to feel her hair in my hands, to taste her kiss on my lips, to feel her skin against my own. I wanted it all. I smiled as I shook my head. I had to quit thinking like this while I worked. I had never been so distracted in my life yet how sweet of a distraction she was!

"I have to go grab some more milk," Lizzie announced breaking my train of thought. I nodded as she walked to the kitchen. I had to get Bella out of my head or this would certainly get embarrassing for me. My mind tried to process the orders but I was failing miserably. I felt like I was losing my mind trying to keep my body from betraying me to everyone around me. I was never so relieved to see Robbie walk through the front doors followed by Cassie, another employee who was scheduled to work during lunch.

I looked back down at the orders in front of me but the images of Bella kept running through my head. _Fuck! Why can't I get her out of my head? Concentrate...right! Lady with the red shirt wants two skim lattes to go and two cheese bagels. Guy with the dog wants a toasted ham on rye. I want Bella to lick me while I....no, stop…wait a minute._ I shook my head,_ Work…focus! What was I thinking? Oh right, two skim bagels and two cheese lattes…wait, that's not right. God! No, you dumbass! Get it straight! I want to take Bella from behind….fuck! What the hell is wrong with me? It's like...it's like...she's a drug to me…or my own personal flavor of COFFEE! OK, fucktard, again...THINK! The dog wants a toasted ham on rye…no wait, not the dog…huh? Damn it!! That fucking water was hot! _I looked down at my reddened hand that I just burned under the hot water tap._ This is nuts! I have to see her again, I have to touch her, I'm going crazy being away from her! _

"Lizzie!!" I yelled toward the kitchen as I turned and watched her come through the doors with a pitcher of milk. "Take over for me!" I stuffed some orders in her hand and headed back to my office to regroup. I turned my computer on the minute I closed my office door and paced impatiently in the cramped space. I looked at my hand once more as I continued my pacing around my office. The redness was beginning to fade and the pain had nearly subsided. I was mad at myself for letting it get that far. I have never let a woman overpower me like this. I didn't even know her and yet I already couldn't get enough of her.

I fell back into my office chair trying to make sense of it all. How did I let this happen? It was like I had no control, no regard to my self-preservation. I never allowed anyone to get close to me like that. Matters of the heart were best kept contained. You get swept away; bare your feelings and you _will_ get hurt. I could never let myself feel that level of devastation again. Even though I was trying to rationalize my need to keep it together, my mind kept drifting back to Bella. I glanced at the calendar again. It was Saturday and I didn't leave until Thursday night. Bella wouldn't be at her signing until next Saturday. As I stared at the wall, I thought about leaving early and maybe showing up in New York. I looked up Bella's tour dates again. She had a signing in New York on Thursday.

"Go to New York and then follow her to Chicago?" I mumbled, "You're an idiot, a stalking, dream obsessed, horny idiot!" I leaned back in the chair again staring at the computer screen. _You just need to stick to the original plan, Masen, and don't go overboard! Searching for her in Chicago is a big step. _Still, the thought of seeing her a few days earlier appealed to me even though it was a ludicrous idea. I shouldn't even be seeking her out in Chicago but I told myself I had a good reason. Erin really wanted a signed copy of Bella's book, actually made out _to her_. I couldn't let Erin down again so therefore I had to go. Of course, I knew it wasn't the only reason but my loyalty to Erin would at least keep me from backing out.

I thought of Bella's inscription again, memorized now after all the times I had read it over and over. _By that sin fell the angels_, she had written in her perfect cursive script. Shakespeare. I googled the phrase for context, it was from Henry VIII:

"I charge thee, fling away ambition  
By that sin fell the angels. How can man then,  
The image of his maker hope to win by it?"

I certainly intended to win. Whether I actually would or not remained to be seen, but ambition was certainly not something I shied away from. And _sin_? I chuckled at that, I had certainly envisaged plenty of sinful acts we would both thoroughly enjoy. My mind had already seen my angel fall as we both reveled in our ecstasy, and my Bella remained ever divine and graceful in her heavenly demise.

As I came back to reality I looked around my desk realizing that I had a lot of paperwork that I needed to get done before I left for the day. I had to finish payroll and place a few orders. I wanted everything to run smoothly for Erin while I was gone so I had to pull myself together and get busy. I had a plan for tonight but I was never going to be able to put that plan in motion unless I got some shit done. Reluctantly, I closed out of the web browser with Shakespeare and Bella's book touring dates and began working on payroll.

The afternoon was very productive for me eventually and before I knew it, it was after six. I shut down my computer, locked my office, and went to check on everyone in the shop. I was pleased to learn that Bella's Dream was as big a hit with the customers as dreaming of Bella had been with me. _Ah…Bella._ I smiled as I said my goodnights and I walked out of my shop. _Tonight is going to be a good night,_ I thought as I got in my car and made my way to the Chinese restaurant. It was tempting to get it to go but I wanted to take my time like I did that first night.

Once I finished my meal I picked up the fortune cookie. My last fortune was a good one, so I thought, and I was almost afraid to read this one but I knew I had to repeat the same steps from the other night. I pulled the fortune cookie from its wrapper and sighed before I cracked it open. As I pulled the thin piece of paper from the shell, I was literally holding my breath as I read: _A dream is a wish your heart makes_. I chuckled at the simplicity and pure irony of it. How fitting the words were. My dream, the dream of Bella, was truly a wish my heart made. I knew parts of that scared the hell out of me and yet, at the same time, I was oddly alright with it. _Ambition and sin, Bella and dreams, angels and wishes of the heart._ I placed the fortune in my wallet with the other one and went to pay my bill.

I tried to remain calm as I parked the car and made my way up the stairs to my apartment. This was it, if this didn't work, nothing would and the week's wait would be a longer one than it was already turning out to be. I got undressed and snuggled under the blankets with Bella's book. I had already begun to mentally prepare myself because no matter what I saw in the dream, if Bella came to me as a vampire or a zombie or as the goddess that she is, I had to remain in the dream to be with her. I took several deep breaths to further calm myself before I started to read.

Within a few hours I finished her book. The end was sad and it kind of got to me, and the feelings and thoughts I had were definitely not what I was prepared for. The main character, Maria, was a female vampire who had lost her one true love to another vampire. The story ended when Maria sealed herself in a crypt, damning herself to loneliness and solitude for eternity. I put the book down and let the magnitude of the circumstance wash over me. I knew that some writers wrote about things that happened in their lives and I wondered if Bella was really telling a story behind the scenes, not about being a vampire of course, but about love and ultimate unfathomable loss. Maybe someone had hurt her and she wrote about it in her book. Could one write of such love and loss if they haven't experienced it? The human mind is capable of imagining extreme heights of pleasure, but can it also imagine the depths of loss with such vivid imagery? The despair in her words touched me and reminded me of when I too had felt such destitution. This definitely was not what I was hoping were her motivations; however it did set Bella in a different light for me. She wasn't just an object of my lust and wanton desire; she was an incredibly talented human being full of feelings and life and the ability to touch many people with her thoughts and words.

I turned off the light by my bedside table and closed my eyes, wondering if I were given the chance to really get to know Bella, would I take it? Would I allow myself a deeper relationship with her instead of a purely physical one? I could see her smiling at me just beyond my closed lids and I felt a yearning to be with her, and felt the fear of what being with her completely might mean for me. I had purposely always steered clear of long term relationships because I knew losing someone you loved was the deepest kind of pain. Some say that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, but I say I don't _want_ to know love because the loss of it would be too great. Was Bella different? Could Bella be different? She wasn't like most women I had met. Most women were just like Lauren Mallory, always looking for a good time, a fresh piece of meat. I wasn't completely unaware of my physical attractiveness to women, but really, it was all so banal. Usually, it didn't bother me because I was satisfying my own needs, however with Bella, it didn't feel that way, she didn't make me feel like I could read her mind like so many other women did. Maybe that was the attraction? Bella the writer, Bella the angel, Bella the goddess seemed much more complex than the women I normally dated. I wanted to know the complexity that made up Bella, I wanted to know what her favorite flower was or her favorite color, what music she liked, where she grew up, why could she write about the height of romance and lust yet not let her characters be together? I wanted to give in, I wanted to give in to these feelings and normally, that would scare the hell out of me, but when I thought about giving in to Bella, I almost felt at peace with it. I wanted it. It was a strange feeling but I liked it. I only hoped that showing up in Chicago wouldn't scare her off. I really hoped that she was willing to give me a chance. I really hoped that she had noticed me _at all_.

I started to feel myself giving in to sleep. I saw Bella's beautiful face and her golden brown eyes drift before me and before long I could see her slowly walking in the meadow where I played as a child. She was running her hand along the tall grass as she moved barefoot and radiant in the morning sun. She looked back at me, giving me a seductive smiled as she continued to move forward, willing me toward her. I caught up to her and wrapped my arms around her waist, burying my nose into her hair, feeling the soft curls against my face as she giggled and melted back into me. She bared he neck to me and I gently kissed it as she slowly turned and put her arms around my neck, softly running her fingers through my hair.

_Good morning love_ I whispered as her smile lit up her face making the meadow more breathtaking than nature had intended. She sighed as she closed her eyes, readying her lips for my kiss. My lips gently brushed hers at first but, as she pulled me closer, I kissed her deeply and passionately, never breaking my hold on her body as it molded into mine and gave me a feeling of completeness. Bella pulled back from the kiss as both of her hands moved to either side of my face. Her eyes were searching mine as if she were looking for an answer to a question she had not yet asked. Her face lit up again as she smiled at me once more, seemingly finding that answer in my eyes. She began tenderly kissing my lips and down my neck. This felt too good to be true, my heart felt so much at one time I almost couldn't take it all in. I pulled back just a little to look at her again.

_Are you real?_ I asked and I watched her bite her lip and look up at me through her lashes. She turned, took my hand, and began to pull me toward the edge of the tree line. _Bella, where are we going?_ I laughed as she looked back at me, the wind blowing her hair all around her. After a few more steps she suddenly stopped and looked at me as she pointed towards to the tree line. I didn't want to take my eyes off of her but I felt compelled to look at what she was trying to show me. I finally turned my head to see my mother standing just within the trees. I instantly froze as waves of emotion slipped over me. My mother looked young and beautiful, like she did before she got sick. Bella began to pull my arm trying to get me to go to my mother. I was torn. I wanted to see my mother but I didn't want to leave Bella, afraid that if I wasn't looking at her she would disappear. I pulled her to me once again taking her in my arms. _I'm afraid_, I whispered as she ran her hand down my cheek and filled me with her loving gaze. She looked back towards my mother and then smiled at me. _I'm afraid to go…afraid that you won't be here, afraid you will leave._ As I touched my forehead to hers Bella tilted her head up and gently kissed me. She pulled away and reassuringly smiled at me one last time as she stepped back.

I hesitated for a moment and then walked over to where my mother was waiting for me. She was smiling with her hands stretched out to me and as she took me in her arms, I felt myself trying to cry. _Shhhh_, my mother whispered, _It's OK Edward, I'm OK. I'm happy and I am so proud of you._ I couldn't say anything as I felt her all around me and I didn't want to let go. I could feel her again, I could smell her. My chest was starting to heave into sobs as everything began to fade. I tried to hold on tighter but I felt myself drifting away and the meadow was fading as I was pulled back into conciseness.

I opened my eyes to find myself clutching my tear soaked pillow as my chest constricted with heavy sobs. I laid there and cried until I was finally able to control the tears. I sat up, resting my elbows on my bent knees as I put my head in my hands. It was too much to process, Bella, my mother, the meaning of it all. Seeing my mother in my dream brought back happy yet painful memories of living with her and then having to watch her die. She had passed away seven years ago and it was still too difficult for me to think of her. She had been my entire life for so long, and then she was just gone. She loved coffee and she was the main reason I had started the coffee shop. Where most children baked or cooked with their mothers, we used to mix different blends and flavors of coffee. Making my _Bella's Dream _coffee brought back memories of us working together in our kitchen with the elaborate coffee maker set up, complete with coffee grinder and espresso machine, trying different ideas and flavors.

I sighed as I dropped my head. I knew it would be tough going back to Chicago after all these years. I had not been back since I left for college. I rubbed the remaining tears from my eyes and decided to go ahead and get up for the day, too sad to stay in the silence any longer. It was early but I needed to figure things out and running was the only way I had found to do that. I knew something had changed for me last night and I wasn't sure what to make of it, but I knew it went way beyond seeing and remembering my mother. This had everything to do with Bella, me and Bella, my dreams of Bella, my thoughts of Bella, my Bella.

I suddenly had a lot of decisions to make and only a few days left to make them, yet somehow the choice had already been made for me and I was powerless to do anything about it as I realized I had just referred to her as _'my Bella'_.


	6. Chapter 6 Ask and then you get

**A/N:** This chapter is huge and took some drive to complete. I went all mushy and shit and Nicky had to drag me back out and slap me around a little to get my head on straight! She was right of course, I just get lost sometimes! So here we are again with another update. Special shout outs go to JasmineMarie84, nermalasu, Timmer, TriGemini, and Lisalove83! You guys rock!!

**Disclaimer: ****Nicky and I do not own Twilight or any of its characters, we just like to play with them!**

"For people like us  
In places like this  
We need all the hope  
That we can get"  
~Tim Capello - I Still Believe

* * *

"That's what I love about this place. You ask, and then you get."

~*~

**-:BPOV:-**

I was finally in Chicago sitting in a coffee shop located on the second floor of the bookstore where I would do the book signing tomorrow, thinking about the tour; the tour, the fans, my next book, Alice, my life, the world, the universe, the meaning of existence, creationism vs. Darwinism. I'm not thinking about Edward because I made a deal with myself that for _at least_ the time it would take an average human being to drink a cup of coffee, I would refrain from thinking about the gloriousness that is He. My daydreams were slowly molding him into a demigod and even my thoughts were capitalizing the pronouns referring to Him. Does everyone take note of the punctuation of their thoughts or does that oddity belong only to writers? I was using the Oprah-looking-wannabe with her designer dog sitting by the entrance as my egg timer so, effectively, the quicker she finished that damned coffee the quicker I could think about His Loveliness once again.

The last week had been difficult and I was ready to get back home. Five days alone with Alice can tax anybody's patience, five days alone with Alice _shopping_ in California was enough to kill any sentient being – except vampires, of course…and demigods! I now had enough clothes to never have to wear the same outfit twice for the next decade. Ever since Alice discovered Celebre, a theatrical makeup that, once applied, keeps our skin from sparkling in the sunlight, she had become an unstoppable force by day and by night. I lovingly refer to the Celebre as 'mortician's wax' and though I would never admit it to Alice for fear of her going overboard (again), I was secretly excited when I saw it would fool most humans and we could freely move among them during the day in any weather without suspicion. So long as no one touched us they wouldn't know we had makeup on our hands or palms, so it was very doable using only our standard rules and limitations when in public places – don't touch, don't bite.

Alice still continued to be pro-Edward and made me feel like nothing was impossible. She also reminded me about our 'cousins' in Denali who often took human lovers. I had yet to meet them myself; meeting the new Cullen member was always a visit they were planning on _soon_, but time passes differently for us than it does for humans. I had only been with the Cullen's twenty years and other than my family everyone else probably expected that I was just 'visiting' and would soon make my way alone in the world. Other than the fact I love my family eternally and don't ever want to be without them, _me_ and _alone_ don't go together all that well. But the Denalis really were proof enough that a relationship between Edward and me was possible.

Alice had excitedly repeated every girly conversation she had ever had with Tanya and Kate about their mortal-man-manipulations and we had giggled like school girls all night. In the end I had to admit that if they could do it, so could I. At that admission Alice was so excited, she demanded we run up to Big Sur at two o'clock in the morning to celebrate what she referred to as the beginning of "The Changing of Bella Cullen". Thinking back now I'm starting to feel guilty about my internal complaining on the days I spent alone with her. She's fantastic, fun to be around, and I wouldn't trade her in for the world.

Oprah still hasn't finished her coffee and her pooch was just cowering at her feet, too scared to growl at me and too scared to look away. If she isn't done soon I may just have to flinch and send the dog into a frenzy just so I could laugh while she tried to calm it.

The Denalis, of course, never fed from their amorous encounters but Alice was far more interested in relaying their sexual escapades than any slip-ups they may have had. I had never tasted human blood and had no intensions of changing that. The Denali Clan had converted over from human blood to animal blood a long time ago thus making the fact that vampires could have intimate relations with humans more fathomable to them – and me. Carlisle would have us all believe that they chose a vegetarian vampire lifestyle like his own because of their compassion, but after hearing about their incredibly sensual sounding sex life, I was beginning to think that Carlisle wasn't seeing the whole picture.

Alice took us on a small hunt just before we left for the airport to go our separate ways. Having fed, my fears of being alone around humans for the next five days eased somewhat, but my fears of five days of solitude would take more effort on my part. I just had to keep busy. New York is the city that never sleeps so I was sure I could find a bar with a band or something. I didn't have to remain alone in the hotel but I still couldn't help but feel nervous about it.

Alice had to purchase an extra suitcase to get all of her purchases home. She had already gone through my suitcase and replaced most of the things I had packed with the ones she purchased for me. I laughed as I helped her get her luggage to the ticket counter. The weight wasn't a problem for either of us, of course, it was all the luggage straps and rolling bags that gave her fits. Once we were both checked in, we hugged before we parted for separate gates.

"You got everything you need right?" Alice asked as she pulled away,

I looked down and started going through my carryon, "Yup, I have my iPod, cell phone, notebook, pens, and makeup for emergencies. I think that's everything."

Alice leaned forward to whisper in my ear, "I put some extra cash in the bottom of your purse for, you know, whatever."

"Thanks, mom." I giggled as I pretended to be a giddy school girl.

"Alright," Alice paused and began pulling my clothes and picking off lint. "You look cute and I want you to have a good time in Chicago."

"Alice? I am going to New York first." I corrected her.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, New York got it." Alice absentmindedly waved her arm in the air. She then bent over and grabbed her carryon. "Just promise me you will get out and enjoy yourself. Be open-minded to the possibilities". Her slip about my schedule didn't faze me nearly as much as the weight of her last sentence.

"I promise," I said as she hugged me once more before she turned to leave.

"See ya at home!" she waved back to me. I hated to see her leave but I knew she missed Jasper so there was no way I would ask her to stay. I also knew that I missed Edward, or at least the possibility of Edward, and I was hoping this trip would hurry and end so I could go see him again and try to figure out what any of this means. I had even contemplated cancelling Chicago but Alice wouldn't let me. She insisted that her visions of me and him together were solid and I didn't need to do anything to change that. I watched her until she disappeared in the crowd and I turned to head to my own gate.

I walked by a newsstand and thought about grabbing a magazine but changed my mind. I had a good start on my next novel and I didn't want to slow down my momentum. I passed by a gift shop and a bookstore and smiled when I saw my book displayed in the front window. Then, I walked by a coffee vender and everything stopped. The bustle of the busy airport, the drone of the humans' movements and conversations, the PA system announcing the departures, it all fell away. This wasn't merely a residual human memory of how much I used to love coffee, this was exponentially more.

This was consuming.

This was need.

This was awakening.

Want.

I found myself lingering outside the shop taking in the aroma. I closed my eyes as I inhaled deeply and thought of Edward. The aroma wasn't entirely Edward's scent but it was close enough to make me feel a pang of yearning. "Edward," I whispered to myself as I took in the aroma once more. I had made a habit of frequenting coffee shops since we left Seattle. I missed him, I desperately wanted to see him, and I knew that there was no going back to the way things were before Edward. Alice made sure of that. I wondered if he even noticed the inscription I left for him in his friend's copy of my book. If he didn't, I was sure his friend would say something about it. I probably shouldn't have done that but I just couldn't help myself. I made a mental note to sign another copy for Erin and take it to Edward when I returned. It was the perfect excuse to see him again. I opened my eyes and looked into the coffee shop once more. I forced myself to continue forward to my departure gate. Standing here wasn't going to do anything but make me miss my plane. The sooner this was all over with the sooner I could get home. Obsessing over Edward had to be easier when we were both in the same state!

Oprah took another sip. The dog was nearing cardiac arrest as I held its frightened stare. _C'mon lady!_ How long does it take these people to drink a cup of coffee for fuck's sake? Eight minutes we'd been sitting here. Emmett could drain a small herd of cows in six and a half! Oh cows, they're so cute.

Three and a half days in New York City weren't as bad as I thought they would be. Since it was the city that never sleeps and I never slept, I found plenty to do beyond amusing myself that New York and vampires are like two peas in a pod. I went to a few bars and jazz clubs and had my ego boosted by potential suitors (if only they knew); I even had a few shots of Vodka! Since alcohol went straight to the blood stream, there wasn't anything to digest. As vampires, we couldn't drink anything but hard liquor, or blood, or blood mixed with hard liquor. No mixers or frilly frozen drinks. The higher the proof of alcohol, the easier drinking alcohol is on a vampire's system. It even sometimes helped dull the burn in our throats as well as give us the usual high and a hangover headache if we weren't careful. And seeing as I hadn't partaken much in this heady exercise over the years, it didn't take much before I knew I had to go back to my hotel room and away from human contact. It also made me incredibly horny!

It didn't take me long to realize a coffee shop was the best place for me to spend my time while in New York City. I only went back to the hotel to shower and clean up and take care of my alcohol-induced personal needs. But I found that even the short time I spent alone in the hotel room was too much time alone. It made me feel uncomfortable in my own skin and I didn't like it one bit. If vampires had anxieties, being alone and in silence would be mine.

I bid goodbye to New York eventually, and my mind came back to the present where I bid a silent goodbye to Oprah and her ugly pooch. _I'd have to be starving a long time before you looked good to me, you ugly mutt. _

My thoughts now freely back on Edward and everything that entailed Him, I was excited not only by the memory of his lithe and tall form but also by the fact that my trip was almost over and I was that much closer to his Glorious Self. I took a deep breath and began writing again on my new novel. My writing had definitely taken a turn toward more amorous interactions after the many details Alice had given me about the Denali's lifestyle and my own thoughts over Edward's naked body.

A few hours had passed when I decided it was time to go back to the hotel before anyone noticed that I left cup after cup of coffee untouched. The sun had faded beyond the buildings so I felt comfortable being outside, not that anything would get through this horrid mortician's wax. I gathered my things and made my way to the main level of the bookstore. I was quite satisfied with my novel's progress and the bounce I had in my step – the bounce that came to an abrupt halt when I caught the hint of a distinct scent. A scent that made my venom pool and my body nearly shake from utter pleasure as I was drawn forward toward it. The smell of coffee at the San Diego Airport that I had thought, at the time, reminded me of Edward was nothing compared to the onslaught I was now surrounded with. I sought it out. This was more than a memory. This was real, here and now. This was a scent I knew well, a scent that had changed existence as I knew it, a scent that had consumed my every thought for the past eight days.

The pure scent of Edward.

No longer scared like the first time, but now driven by desire, I anxiously proceeded to the first floor, the scent becoming stronger with every step. I peered around a display of new releases not knowing how it was possible, but knowing exactly what I would find, and there he was, in all of his glory, standing in front of my display, staring at a picture of me.

Edward.

It felt like my cold dead heart would beat again.

I stood there for a moment not moving, just taking him in. Whoever said a vampire's memory is infallible was a fool. He was more glorious than any memory or fantasy I'd had. I think I was in shock that he was just a few feet away from me and not hundreds of miles away in Seattle. The most divine shock imaginable. I closed my mouth to swallow but also so no one would see me and think I needed medical attention. I gave myself a pep talk for courage, already going through all the different scenarios in my head that would have gotten him here as well as all the ones that could get him into my bed._ Get it together Isabella Marie Cullen!_ I watched him reach for one of the flyers that advertised the book signing tomorrow. Did he come here to see me? Why would he fly halfway across the continent to see me? That was ridiculous, but _please_ let it be so!

Seeing Edward standing there, smelling him all around me and being within touching distance of him so unexpectedly, I finally understood what Alice had been trying to tell me all along, what she said she saw, and what she said Jasper had felt from me the first time I had been this close to Edward in Seattle. It was all so clear to me now. This was not an animalistic and instinctual desire for his blood; this was a want and need to possess him only as a woman. The desire to know every inch of his body beyond my thoughts and fantasies was what I craved from him. Not his blood, but his body and his mind, his touch and his thoughts, to feel him all around me, for him to be a part of me and me a part of him.

I took another deep breath to take in his delicious scent and I was pleased as I once again felt the gentle pull of his body. I wanted to go to him. I straightened up and was getting ready to step around the display I was hiding behind to approach him with all my newfound strength and determination, when I felt someone slide up next to me. I quickly turned to see an employee of the bookstore standing there.

"Can I help you find something?" the worker asked with a blank look in her eyes and a frozen perpetual store clerk smile.

"No, no thank you. I'm fine." I said trying to dismiss her and trying to rid my mind of the knowledge that one fell swoop of my arm could have her flying clear across the room.

"You're that author that's coming tomorrow aren't you?" I glanced back toward Edward who was still in front of the display, and then back to the employee who was now a little more animated and excited.

"Yes, I am. I was…uh…just trying to make sure I knew where the bookstore was before tomorrow," I said, wishing this girl would just disappear. I turned back towards Edward again to find that this time he was gone. _Damn it!_ I stood on my tiptoes and looked through the store for him, nothing. _This can't be happening!_ I turned toward the other side of the store and out of the corner of my eye; I caught a glimpse of him going out the front doors.

"We are all very excited about you being here." I looked back at the employee who was beaming at me.

"Great, thanks, gotta run," and before she could say another word, I left her standing there as I ran toward the door.

Once outside, I was surrounded by the rushing street crowd and I couldn't see him, but I inhaled deeply and immediately caught his scent. I turned to follow it and within a few seconds I was just a few paces behind him. I couldn't just accost him in the street so I followed him until he reached a restaurant called the Grand Lux Café. I watched him go in and waited a few minutes before I entered and scanned the restaurant for him. I found him sitting with a group of people toward the back. I panicked and had to quickly come up with a course of action before he turned around and saw me standing there looking dumb. There were four crescent shaped couches pushed up back to back. Edward was seated on a green sectioned couch next to a man and a woman with a blue couch right behind him. I slipped the host a one hundred dollar bill to seat me on the blue couch behind Edward.

I slipped onto the blue couch unseen and regained my composure. I was seated directly behind Edward, so close that if I reached over I could run my fingers through his hair, and I so desperately wanted to. I could also hear everything everyone at the table was saying and at the sound of his velvet smooth voice I nearly moaned out loud. It didn't take me long to figure out that the two sitting with Edward were Maggie and Tyler, who were married and friends of Edward's from high school. A few minutes later I heard them greet Jared and Kim to their table. They were all discussing a BBQ that was to take place tomorrow night at Maggie and Tyler's house. I was hanging off their every word and trembling inside each time he spoke.

"And you better be ready to play!" I heard Tyler say.

"I don't know man; it's been a long time" Edward answered. The sound of his voice gave me tingles down to my toes. What if I pretended to lose my balance as I stood only to fall onto him carefully placing my lips on his?

"Maggie, you remember our band don't you?" I heard Tyler ask.

"Of course I remember! The band was still together when you and I started dating. It's too bad that you guys didn't go any further with your music, you were awesome!" Maggie said with excitement in her voice and they all separately agreed. There was a brief silence and then I heard someone ask another question. It had to be Jared.

"So, Edward, what are you going to do while you're here in town?"

"Are you ready to order?" I looked up and saw my waitress smiling down at me.

"Um, I'll take a shot of Blue Label Stolichnaya," I ordered in a whisper, a little agitated that the waitress had interrupted my attempts at spying and quite surprised that that was the first thing out of my mouth. I could tell the waitress was displeased that I was not ordering food and I also knew tips were important to people in the service industry. I looked up at her name badge and then gave her a smile. "Look, Dana is it?" the waitress nodded as she leaned in to hear me. "I'm going to make this simple. I am going to sit here for as long as I want and I don't want to be interrupted. The only thing I will need is possibly another drink later so when you see my money on the table you should bring me one." I then slipped her a fifty dollar bill and smiled, "Do we have an understanding?"

The waitress's eyes widened and she looked from my eyes to the money I was sliding across the table at her. I knew that her instincts told her to be afraid of me but I also knew she wouldn't know why she had that eerie feeling like something wasn't right. I removed my hand and nodded as she took the money and hurriedly left. I leaned back against the couch to listen again to their conversation. Now that I had reconciled my thoughts with my feelings, I didn't know how I was ever going to be away from his scent again. They sing about _what a difference a day makes_. How about what a different ten minutes makes!

"Yeah, she's beautiful and I can't wait to see her again" I heard Edward say. Who? WHO? What the hell did I miss?

"You're in love with her aren't you?" The girl across the table named Kim teased. I held my breath as I waited for his response. Now would be a good time for that vodka, Dana!

"Well, I…um, huh" I heard Edward pause as he gave a heavy sigh, "It's complicated."

"It's not complicated, either you are or you aren't." Maggie said.

"Yeah man, it's totally cool that you finally found someone. You deserve it." I heard Tyler chime in. I was completely frozen in place.

"What's the matter, does she have like three eyeballs or something?" I heard Jared tease from across the table. The whole group laughed as I sat there wanting to scream while my mind tried not to imagine all my hopes disappearing. Alice would have seen another woman, wouldn't she? She would have seen ALL of this; she wouldn't throw me into the lion's den alone?

"No it's nothing like that," Edward said and there was a pause which to me felt like forever. I almost turned to see what was going on and then I heard him, "Bella's just really complex and I haven't had a chance to really to know her yet."

_Bella?_

_Bella!_ My eyes widened and I almost thought that I imagined it but the sound of my name coming from his lips in that moment was unmistakable and something I would never forget. It echoed over and over in my mind and I knew that it wasn't our meeting in Seattle that would forever change me, it wasn't my admissions to Alice on the beach, it wasn't the realization that I was a woman first and a vampire second; it was my name coming from his lips. Nothing would be the same again.

The waitress delivered my shot finally and I slipped her a twenty for another one. To hear him say my name, to know that he was talking about me and that he might be feeling the same way I had been, I had never imagined a greater gift. It was surreal and I was so ecstatic I found it difficult to remain seated or to keep a straight face. But I drank my vodka and I waited and listened to every word the group spoke. They didn't ask him any more about it, about _me_, but I did find out that Edward was staying with his friends and that he was leaving on Monday.

They stayed for a couple of hours drinking and talking, and I stayed right along with them, developing quite the silent relationship with Dana. I heard a lot of funny stories about Edward and I devoured them all. My favorite was one was where Edward had lost a bet with his friends and the consequence of losing was that he had to step outside completely naked. Once he stepped out on the front porch, his friends locked him out. He had to wrap himself in the welcome mat and go all the way around the house to come in the back door but not before someone had spotted him and called the police.

Part of me felt guilty about eavesdropping, but the greater part was starved for more information. Tyler mentioned Edward's mother and the conversation fell silent. I could only guess that something bad had happened to her because no one else said anything more about her. I couldn't help but wonder what happened. My need to know more was cut short as the party decided it was time to leave. I left some more money on the table and slipped out the front door before they did without being seen.

It was dark outside so it was easy for me to hide. I didn't have to see the door to know when Edward and his friends came out of it. Edward's heavenly scent intensified and announced his presence. I heard he, Tyler, and Maggie say goodbye to Jared and Kim and then Tyler hailed a cab. As the three of them got in, I heard Tyler tell the driver, "35 West Elm Street, please."

I turned as they pulled away and waited a few minutes before hailing a cab myself. I repeated the address to the driver and within five minutes we reached a beautiful old stone mansion that had been converted into condominiums. I paid the driver and stepped out onto the curb, paying little heed to the creepiness of what I was doing. There was a small garden in the front of the building surrounded by a black iron fence. I paused for a moment before I walked closer to it. I looked into a bay window that was on the main floor and searched the lower level for signs of Edward. I could smell him but I couldn't see or hear anything other than a couple of televisions and soft music coming from within. I walked down the sidewalk to look into a few other houses but no lights were on. I turned around and went back to the iron fence and finally caught sight of Edward through the lower level windows. He was just standing there staring out into the darkness. I knew he couldn't see me in the dim light of the street lamps. I jumped over the rod iron fence into the small lawn area outside the window and slid between the stairs and the wall before I was sure it was safe to look inside. I saw Edward looking at a guitar before he picked it up and sat down on the couch. He thought for a moment, getting a feel of it in his hands, and then he began to play.

As I listened I thought there could be nothing sweeter to my ears than Edward playing the guitar, until I heard him begin to sing. I thought my heart would burst as I listened to the music and lyrics. I wished I could be the one he was playing for. "_When you are with me, I'm free"_. I leaned my head against the cool stone and closed my eyes, mesmerized by his talent and the passion behind his voice, and pretended that he really was playing for me. "_I'm careless, I believe above all others we'll fly"_. It was beautiful and heartbreaking to hear him singing such passionate words from Creed's "_My Sacrifice_" to an empty room. Abruptly the music stopped and my eyes shot open. The light in the room where Edward had been was now off and I saw him walking down the hallway with his head bent low and closing the door at the opposite end of the house.

I looked around before I got up to make sure that there was no one outside who could see me. I jumped back over the iron fence and ran to the corner so I could get to the back of the buildings. I had to jump a few walls but finally made it to the back of the condo where there was a large patio area with a sliding wood and glass door. The door was open and a soft light was spilling out onto the patio. I cautiously moved around to the back of the building and peered into the room. I saw Edward lying in bed looking over the flyer he had picked up from the bookstore and my heart soared as a smile crossed his lips as he placed the flyer on the night stand. He turned the light out and rolled over on his side with his back to me. I wanted to touch him, to caress his back, to run my finger through his hair as he slowly succumbed to the oblivion of sleep, to feel every curve of every muscle, to feel the warmth of his skin under my fingertips; but I remained still.

I listened until his breathing became a smooth and even rhythm signaling to me that he had fallen asleep. I gently eased through the sliding doors and stood motionless in his room, my eyes never leaving his body, his scent stronger inside the room he was sleeping in. It was quiet for a long time and I fought with myself about being in his room. I really should have gone back to the hotel because it didn't feel right stalking him, but I really didn't want to leave. Everything in me wanted to stay. I was afraid that he would wake up and find me standing there. How would I explain that to him? He would think I was a crazy, for sure. I thought about the first time I saw him, how his blood called to me. Now, as I looked upon him as he slept, I again realized how foolish I had been. I could never hurt him. Seeing him now and remembering his sweet song full of passion and wanting, I understood even more so that no matter how much I had wanted his blood, my feelings for him were now too deep and far greater. I would destroy myself before I would ever harm him.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply through my nose taking in his sweet alluring scent, making sure the monster inside of me would lay quiet. I felt a little flicker of burn in my throat but nothing unmanageable as I swallowed the small amount of venom that pooled in my mouth. The pull his body had on mine was stronger now than any thirst I had for his blood. I was so happy in that moment of confirmation that I almost squealed into the silence. My mind was flying, a million thoughts were running through it. I knew now that I had the power within me to overcome my fears of taking his life. Alice had been right all along.

"Bella," I froze as I opened my eyes. I could see him perfectly in the dark. He was still lying there in bed, eyes closed, and thankfully, still asleep.

_He's dreaming of me! Oh please say my name again. _I waited quietly in the dark but let myself take a couple of steps closer, hoping that he would speak my name once more. Even if he did not, twice in one night was enough to send me into a tailspin of my own dreams. Edward began to stir and slowly rolled over onto his back. He was lying there half covered with the blankets just like I had envisioned him just days before. To see him like this nearly took my breath away as I hungrily sucked in more of his scent. It was thick in the air now that his bare skin was not covered by clothes or blankets.

And he was the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on.

After a while, and as much as I hated to, I decided it was time for me to leave. I didn't want him to catch me here. I took one last long look at the angel still lying in the bed in front of me and reached my hand out in gesture only. I couldn't risk touching him. I forced myself to turn and slipped out of the house and over the garden wall without making a sound.

I decided to walk back to the hotel and let this incredible day play out again in my mind. I wasn't in any hurry to get back because I still had a long time to wait until the book signing. I started to wish I had not asked for the signing to be so late in the day. I just hated wearing that stupid makeup! I was pretty sure that Edward would show up at the book signing. Why else would he have come to the bookstore and taken a flyer? I wondered if he just happened into the bookstore and saw my display. That was a really big coincidence unless fate was truly on my side. I laughed at myself, fate was never on my side but maybe this once my life was taking a positive turn. I was giddy. Maybe I had been turned into what I was so that I could live long enough to meet Edward? _Edward,_ I smiled again as I thought of him still sleeping in his bed.

Once I reached my hotel room, I put my iPod in the docking station in my room and stood for hours staring out at the night sky over Lake Michigan listening to my music. With everything that had happened today having already replayed it in my mind over and over, I let the other thoughts in, the ones I hadn't let myself consider. My immortality, Edward's mortality and what it meant for us. I didn't want to change him, to take his human life, but once I gave myself to him, could I survive knowing that he would die before I was really able to live with him. Human life seemed so short to me now. I just didn't know what the answer was. I went over it a million times in my head and still couldn't reach a conclusion that didn't result in Edward's damnation.

Carlisle had tried over the years to help me reconcile what we were with the human beliefs of heaven and hell, souls and damnation, but I always thought I would have more time before I had to make a decision for myself.

What if he couldn't accept what I was and was repulsed by it. Even though I had never fed on human blood or taken a human life, it still didn't change what I was. How could I handle it if he rejected me? My heart ached at the very thought of it but there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted Edward to know all of me. It didn't escape my attention at how quickly I had accepted this, never having been the type to freely give everything of myself. But even now, the thought of living without Edward was unbearable. Everything that a human experienced was highly magnified and intensified for vampires. No matter if it were the simple senses of sight, sound or smell, or feelings of joy, sadness and love, vampires would feel it one-hundred fold to that of humans. What if he wanted children? I could never bare him a child. Would he resent me for that?

As the sun began to lighten the sky, my mind continued to wonder and I thought about a life where both of us were human. I could see us getting married and having children. I could see our children growing up and us growing old together, with our grandchildren laughing at us as we tried to chase them. I could see us sitting on a bench swing on the front porch of our house, our withered hands intertwined as we spent the twilight of our years together and still in love.

I shook my head as I scolded myself for entertaining thoughts like that. I knew that was a future I could never have with Edward. The most I could ever offer him was my love until the day that he died; hoping that alone would be enough to sustain him. What if it wasn't enough? What if he left me to seek out a human life with another woman? Just thinking about him being with someone else pained me. If he decided to leave, I would beg him to stay, but I knew I would not stop him. I would at least give him that much, to let him have a normal life, if that is what he wanted.

I continued staring out across the massive lake as I realized that the sun was dipping in the afternoon sky. The music had stopped and I had been standing for a while in the silence, losing myself in my thoughts. I hit the button to shuffle my songs and quickly went to take a shower. Again, I had let my immortality take me over and I hated how it made me feel. Standing motionless, lifeless and in silence was something I truly despised, especially when time got away from me. It was like sleeping with your eyes open and it disturbed me greatly.

Once I was out of the shower and dressed, I started the grueling process of putting on the theatrical makeup. I hated it but it was still light outside and I couldn't take the chance of being trapped in the sun. It would be beyond obvious that I was different and I could not risk the exposure. I took a final look in the mirror then walked over to the window to see if my skin reflected any light on the ceiling. Satisfied I was well covered, I grabbed my iPod and my cell phone, putting them both in my purse. I was surprised that Alice hadn't called but then again, it made perfect sense. She was trying not to interfere. Besides, she already knew what was going to happen. I would only get a call from her if I made a decision she didn't like. It suddenly occurred to me that Alice couldn't get beyond my trip to Chicago. Of course! Alice already knew Edward would be here! I wondered whether I should buy her an extravagant gift for making sure I came here, or whether I should bury her car keys somewhere she would never find them for not telling me what would happen.

I stopped one last time in front of the mirror to make sure I looked alright. Alice would kill me for wearing jeans but I didn't care. I was stressed and wanted to be comfortable. I went down to the lobby and asked the concierge for a cab. I was just a little over a mile from the bookstore but I was running late. I had the cab driver drop me off at the back of the bookstore where Betsy was waiting for me. She was a small woman with dark hair and dark eyes. She was my stand-in literary agent while I was in Chicago.

"Oh thank God you're here!" Betsy exclaimed as she let out a sigh of relief.

"Worried?" I smiled at her as she opened the back door of the bookstore.

"You have no idea! People are already lined up and we only have ten minutes." She seemed extremely nervous, I found it amusing.

"Oh dear! People? No one said anything about people!" I teased

"So not funny!" Betsy rolled her eyes as she led the way through the receiving area. She suddenly turned to me and pulled a copy of my book and a pen from her bag. "I know this is unorthodox but…"

"I'd be happy too!" I smiled as I wrote a quick inscription and handed it all back to her with a wink.

"OK, you go on for forty-five then take fifteen, and then back on for another forty-five." Betsy rattled out.

"You…need to breathe." I said as she handed me a few sharpies. She smiled at me and opened the door to the main floor of the bookstore. I heard them announcing my entrance and was surprised at the amount of cheers and clapping that came from the people standing in line. I smiled and waved, briefly scanning the crowd for Edward. I didn't see him anywhere. It is early yet, I told myself.

The first forty-five minutes and my break went by quickly. I answered a lot of questions and signed hundreds of books. Still, there was no Edward. I started to doubt that he would even show up. Maybe I was wrong? Maybe he wasn't coming? I inhaled deeply a few times for the first time in a while, trying to see if I could pick up his fresh scent, but still there was nothing. I couldn't believe I set myself up to fall like this.

Once time was up, Betsy leaned in to whisper something in my ear. I could hear her tell me the exit plan but my mind was somewhere else.

"By that sin fell the angels," I heard the words and my heart jumped as a smile crossed my lips. Edward was there and he had seen the inscription I had left him in his friend's book. I looked up at Betsy who was staring at the man behind me. I slowly turned in my seat trying to hide the smile on my lips and the happiness in my heart as my eyes gazed into the most gorgeous pair of green eyes.

"Yes I believe they did" I mused, as I took the book he was holding. I opened the front cover and poised my hand to write.

"Yeah, it seems that the last book you signed was to me so I had to come to Chicago to get another one signed for my friend," Edward smiled nervously as he ran his hand through his hair, completely oblivious that that simple action made every woman and vampire in the room swoon.

"Is that right?" I asked as I looked down, "And is that friend a girlfriend?" I asked, hoping he would say no and that the "complication" he mentioned to his friends was not of the female variety.

"Well no, I don't have a girlfriend," he paused and then he added, "Yet."

"Really…that's good." I looked up at him through my lashes with a mischievous grin, knowing that he had heard me, "Erin is it?"

Edward's face lit up and his mouth curled unevenly in the sexiest crooked smile I had ever seen. More swooning. I wrote a quick inscription, to Erin this time, and handed Edward the book. I capped my pen and handed it to Betsy.

"So…um, if you don't have anything else going on," he paused for a second as I stood up. He ran his hand through his hair again which caused his scent to swirl all around me, and I realized the hair touching was a sign of his nervousness.

"Yes?" I questioned as I stood, urging him to continue.

"Well, I was wondering if you might want to accompany me to a little get together at my friend's house."

"I don't know?" I teased as he looked down at me. "I might need to be careful because you might be one of those crazy stalker types." I do amuse myself.

Edward's face turned a little pale and I could tell he was starting to panic. "No, it's not like that really. I know it might look that way to you now but it really wasn't…," I crossed my arms as I shifted my weight from one foot too the other. Watching him scramble was so cute. "I mean, it really isn't like that," he continued. If he only knew that I was standing in his room last night while he slept, he might be even more uncomfortable than he is now trying to bumble his way through his excuses.

"I'd love too," I smiled as I watched relief flood over him. His face relaxed into a broad smile of his own. I turned to Betsy who was still staring at Edward. "Thanks for everything, Betsy."

"Oh...sure, no problem," Betsy took a few steps back stumbling on a chair, "I'll take care of everything here. You kids go on and have a good time."

I turned to Edward who was still smiling down at me, "Shall we?" he asked as he offered me his arm, which I took with pleasure. I nodded and walked along with him feeling the electric pull between our bodies. I was never so happy as to have that feeling again. Once we were outside, he hailed a cab to take us to his friend's house as we made small talk the whole way about the weather, the city, and our respective flights. All the while I looked at his moving lips as he spoke and marveled over the happenings of the last twenty-four hours as much as I marveled over the existence of him in his entire close-up splendor. I was surprised I could keep up the conversation while his body was so close to mine in the back of the cab that our knees were touching. He would sometimes lean his head toward me while talking and I fought the urge to lean in and lick his beautiful skin. At one point he turned his head to look out the window and I saw a freckled mole at the back of his neck just at his hairline. It was nearly my undoing and I'm glad I opted for an eye roll in appreciation rather than a moan I wouldn't have been able to keep him from hearing. I WILL taste that. It WILL be mine. I knew exactly where we were going, literally and metaphorically, and I was happy to be going with him as his guest instead of spying on him as an intruder.

"So, you're here…in Chicago," I turned to him, looking directly into his eyes as my I felt my fingers twitch in wanting. If I just reached out and touched his hand, it wouldn't be that bad would it?

"I know it looks like I am stalking you but it was just luck that we ended up here at the same time. I grew up here."

"Oh," I paused as I looked down and then back out the window. I was stupid to think that he flew all the way to Chicago just to see me. I glanced back at Edward who looked perplexed, like he was having an internal battle with himself.

"Well, that isn't entirely true." I watched as he raised his eyebrows and a smirk crossed his lips. "I was going to fly out to New York to see you there but then decided that would probably scare you off." He laughed nervously, but he had no idea how elated I was to know that. I couldn't control my smile anymore. I wanted him to know that was exactly what I wanted to hear.

"Really?" I paused grinning like an idiot as he nodded and smiled back at me. "Oh, and trust me, it wouldn't have scared me." I felt like I was glowing I was so happy. He did want to see me and it was obvious that he thought about me too. I almost wanted to pinch myself to see if this was really happening. The taxi stopped and Edward paid the driver. As he got out, he offered his hand to me to help me out of the car. I took it before thinking twice, the invitation too charming to resist.

"Your hand is a little cold. Are you OK?" he asked as he placed his other hand over mine trying to warm me.

"My hands usually are cold, I'm probably just nervous," I tried to smile as I realized that the differences between us, he being human and me being immortal, were already beginning to surface. _You can't let that get to you,_ I told myself. _He's here now and that is all that matters._

This not only appeased him, but it granted me another of his crooked smiles as we both paused for that extra moment to take each other in. I hoped he couldn't read my mind because it was screaming at him, "Kiss me kiss me kiss me!"

We walked toward the door but he paused before it, looking at me once more. My mind continued on its single minded course like a broken record. "They're good people, just a little obnoxious sometimes; I've known them for a long time." He giggled and I nodded and smiled, more at the giggle than his words, as he opened the door and led me through the entrance foyer to a room full of waiting people.

I was introduced to all of Edward's friends and soon felt relaxed and welcomed. I reveled being near him and seeing into his life, I learned a lot that afternoon. It was almost as if his friends could see that all I wanted to talk about was Edward and they gladly indulged me. I learned from Maggie that Edward's father died when he was ten and his mother died when he was seventeen. Edward and Tyler were best friends and they were the founding members of their band, _Volterra_. When Edward's mother died, Maggie told me with sadness in her eyes that Edward quit the band and literally closed himself off from everyone and retreated into himself. His dreams of following in the footsteps of his favorite Seattle bands were put on the back burner. While he was already accepted into the University of Washington in Seattle, he changed his classes from music to business before he attended. His mother was very supportive of his music but was worried about what would happen to him after she died. Edward's mother was the reason he opened the coffee shop. By this point, I assumed Maggie was getting a little drunk because she started talking about the few girls that Edward had dated. Kim saved me by popping her head into the kitchen interrupting her.

"You guys don't want to miss this! Tyler and Edward are getting ready to jam!" Maggie grabbed my sleeve and I let her pull me down to the lower level of the condo. We were now standing in the room where I saw Edward playing the guitar last night. As soon as I entered the room, Edward was by my side.

"You OK?" he asked me as he put the guitar's strap over his head. I nodded and smiled at him, glad once again that he was near me. "Good. I'm nervous," he said as he ran his fingers through his hair (swoon!), "but since I'm going for broke here, I might as well make it count." And just like that he leaned down and kissed me on the lips. I closed my eyes as his lips touched mine and I felt my whole body spark as if it were alive for the first time. There was no one else in that moment but the two of us. He pulled away slowly and looked deep into my eyes as his lips curled into a big grin. I felt like I could melt into him as his hand that had curled around me gave me a slight squeeze and he turned to head back over to Tyler.

A few cords into the song and I recognized it as the same song he had sung alone last night, the song I craved he would play for me - Creed's "_My Sacrifice"_. But it wasn't the music that I heard; it was Edward's velvety voice that stunned me once again as his eyes never left mine. By the time they had sung the first chorus, I knew there was no turning back.

I knew that I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Edward Masen.

**Audio/visual aid:** for those of you who are interested, the links to Maggie and Tyler's condo, the Grand Lux Cafe, the Border's Books in Chicago where the book signing took place, and Bella's hotel room at The Peninsula Hotel are all located on our profile page as well as the link to the acoustic version of Creed's _My Sacrifice._


	7. Chapter 7 Where are you from? Krypton?

**A/N:** Here we are again for another update! I am sure by now all of you have seen the "New Moon" trailer that was shown on the MTV 2009 Movie Awards this week. If you missed it or just want to see it again, we have added it to our profile page for your viewing pleasure. Don't bother to thank us for that one, it's a freebie 'cause that's just how we roll! :) Remember, we're here for you guys...OK, we are ultimately here for our infinite love of Robward! So sit back, enjoy the ride and know that chapter 8 will not be far behind!

**Disclaimer:**** Nicky and I do not own Twilight or any of its characters, we just like to play with them!**

"A last fire will rise behind those eyes  
Black house will rock, blind boys don't lie  
Immortal fear, that voice so clear  
Through broken walls, that scream I hear"

~ Gerard McMann - Cry Little Sister

* * *

"Where the hell are you from? Krypton?"

~*~

**-:EPOV:-**

I couldn't believe how well the day had turned out. I had been so damn nervous about seeing Bella that I had almost chickened out before walking into the bookstore on the day of the signing. Not only had I been nervous about seeing her, I had no clue as to what I would say to her once I did see her. I had hesitated too long on the sidewalk worrying if I was really ready to allow myself to give in and if I did give in, what would happen? God forbid what if she rejected me? Another few minutes and I would have missed my opportunity altogether. But in the end, knowing that she was just through those doors, my fears just weren't enough to stop me from going to her – hell, a pack of wolves wouldn't have been able to stop me! So I opened the doors with a renewed confidence and determination, ready and willing to throw caution to the wind for the first time in almost a decade for just a chance to be with her, to be with _My Bella._

Looking at her now standing next to me, more beautiful and angelic than I had fantasized, if that were even possible, I knew it would have been a huge mistake to have walked away. It was just a big step for me and I needed to be completely sure I was ready to take it. It wasn't until I saw Bella in the bookstore that I knew I had made the right choice. I stayed back behind the crowd for a while and watched her, my mind flooding with all the possibilities of an 'us' and my heart beating wildly as I allowed the memories of my dreams of her to come to the surface. I was still trying to figure out what to say, and I may have even still been blushing from my secret reveries, when I approached the table where she was sitting. Her back was to me and she was talking to a short, skinny, dark-haired girl. My eyes lingered on her long silky brown hair that was cascading down her back and I wondered momentarily if it would feel as good to the touch as it looked. I ached to find out.

That's when the idea came to me and I suddenly knew exactly what to say. '_By that sin fell the angels'! Fucking brilliant! _Repeating to Bella the bewitching inscription that she had written to me was perfect. Not only did it work, she accepted my invitation to go to Tyler and Maggie's and the last couple of hours in her company had been something else. She was a hit with everyone, and I loved watching her with my friends, watching her in my life. My luck seemed to be on such a sweet course and the evening gave me such an incredible high, I couldn't help myself any longer and I leaned over suddenly and kissed her. It wasn't a well thought out action; just a spur of the moment kiss, but it was incredible! The spark between us was something hard to explain but the look in her eyes afterwards told me she felt it too. It was the most exhilarating sensation, her taste on my lips and the feel of her breath all around me; I had to be the luckiest man on the planet! I had my arm around the girl of my dreams, literally, I had just played for the first time in nearly seven years, and I was surrounded by some of my closest childhood friends. It was almost too good to be true. I was a right happy fucker about now and was wondering whether the smile on my face would ever go away!

I had been on a rollercoaster of emotions these last few days. Before I went to see Bella at the bookstore, I went to visit my mother's grave. I felt guilty that it had been so long since I had been to her gravesite but I knew why I had stayed away. I felt a part of me had died along with her, and I missed her terribly. Mom had always been my rock. We were best friends. She was always there for me no matter what I did and I knew I could tell her anything. She was close when I needed her to be and backed away when I needed space.

I had always loved to run and my mother had always claimed that I had never learned to walk when I was little; I had just gone straight to running. When I was a freshman in high school, I joined the cross-country track team. I would get up early and run before school and my mother would always be up when I came in from my morning run, waiting for me with a cup of coffee in her hand. I loved those mornings with her. I felt myself smile as I thought of her.

"What are you thinking about?" Bella's voice broke my concentration as I looked down at her. She was so beautiful and I couldn't believe that she was here with me.

I leaned over and nudged her hair away from her ear with my nose and whispered, "You wanna go? I think I've been generous enough with your time, I want you all to myself" I asked as I motioned down the hallway to my bedroom.

Bella glanced down the hall and then back up to me and nodded, unable to hide the mischievous look suddenly in her eyes. I took her cool hand in mine and lead her down the hallway, through the room where I was staying, and out onto the back patio through the sliding doors. There is a white garden bench under an evergreen in the back corner of the yard and I grabbed the cushions from the patio as I led her to it, placing the cushions on the bench and motioning for her to join me. I thought it would be the perfect place for us to be alone for a while and talk. We both sat down and it was silent for a moment before I spoke up.

"How was the book tour?" I asked as I looked up at her and felt my breath catch. The moon was full above us and the light made her pale skin glow, she was absolutely mesmerizing.

"It has been long. Alice came with me for the first half and I thought she was going to shop me to death." Bella paused and looked down as she chuckled like she had remembered some inside joke. She leaned forward giving a heavy sigh before continuing, "New York was difficult and I thought Chicago would be too but obviously it has turned out better than I could have hoped," she looked up at me through her lashes and I found it difficult to stay still. I wanted to take her in my arms and kiss her passionately and confess that I had done little more than think of her since first laying eyes on her, but I knew it was too soon – yes, too soon to sound like the obsessed stalker I was trying so hard to convince myself I wasn't. I really needed to get to know her first so I just leaned over and took her hand in mind. I was amazed how much that simple gesture calmed me and again, just like when I had kissed her, it seemed like time stopped for a moment as the desperate pull I felt towards her was sated. It was the sweetest kind of relief.

"So, what's your story?" I asked as I caressed her fingers with my own. Bella started laughing hysterically. "What's so funny?" I asked as I began to laugh with her.

"Oh no…you don't get to ask the questions tonight!" Bella shook her head and continued to laugh like she was stating the obvious.

"OK?" my laughter died down to a nervous chuckle and I felt a little confused.

"You're the one stalking me remember? So I get to ask all the questions." Bella insisted. I couldn't help but shake my head as I ran my other hand through my hair again. As I looked at her, I could tell she was amused by the expression on my face.

"Fair enough, what do you want to know?" I refused to let go of her hand, I wasn't giving up that little pleasure, so I took it with my right hand and tilted my body towards her, throwing my left arm over the back of the bench, almost caressing the hair I had wanted to touch for hours. I was ready to tell her anything she wanted to know.

And I did. Bella began asking questions about the band, music, my friends, and she even asked me about the coffee shop. She never tired of the conversation and was always quick with a new question. I did find it a little strange that she didn't ask the obvious questions about my family and I wondered if she already knew about my mother from Maggie.

It was amazing to be able to look at her face for so long, to just casually laugh with her and be so innocently honest. The whole time I never once let go of her and I don't think she wanted me to. She would grab my hand in both of hers absentmindedly while she thought of questions and I don't think she realized what it was doing to my mind and body. Our fingers and hands had been intertwined and danced together the entire time. It was exhilarating being in her presence and the longer we sat there the more I knew that this was exactly where I wanted to be.

Other people slowly started filling up the patio area making it difficult to talk. I really wanted to be alone with Bella longer. I had waited all this time to be with her and I needed more. I knew that she was flying out in the morning and I wasn't leaving until Monday so we only had a little bit of time together before I would have to leave her for the night.

"Let's get outta here." I nodded toward the balcony stairs as I stood up. Bella smiled and followed me up the stairs, in through the kitchen and out the front door to the street. I paused on the sidewalk as I turned to her, "Where are you staying?"

"The Peninsula," she answered as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Nice place. It's less than a fifteen minute walk if you want or we can call a cab." I didn't know if I was being too bold but I just wasn't ready to give up my time with her. I was hoping that she would choose to walk.

"No, walking is perfect," she smiled. I offered her my arm again, trying to be a gentleman but also wanting to continue to touch her in any way I could, and she took it without even blinking.

By the time we had turned on to North State Street, we had returned to holding hands while we walked. I decided that I was ready to get the story of my mother out in the open. I didn't look at her or even slow my pace as I spoke, "My mother died just before I turned eighteen." Bella didn't speak a word but her hand tightened in my own. "She was the reason I bought the coffee shop. When I was younger and would go running in the morning, mom was always waiting for me with a cup of coffee when I got back home. I hated coffee but I would always sit and drink it with her before I got ready for school. We started experimenting with different coffees and flavors until I found one I liked and then, experimenting just became a hobby of ours." I looked at Bella who was watching me as we walked, "Am I boring you?"

"Not at all," she said as she smiled at me sadly. "What happened to your father?"

"Dad died when I was ten. He was killed in a car accident. He was a good man and we had a lot of happy times together. Dad was a smoker and mom loved the way it smelled in the house when he smoked. It was hard for me when he died but I knew it was even harder on mom. I would come downstairs sometimes at night and would smell cigarette smoke. I'd sneak into the living room and see my mother sitting in dad's chair with a glass of scotch in her hand and a cigarette burning in the ashtray. Even though I was really too young to know what it all meant I kind of knew I was the man of the house now and I would need to take care of her." I cast a glance sideways at Bella who was looking forward as we walked down the street. I wondered what she was thinking. I normally didn't talk about my past but for some reason with Bella, I wanted to get it all out in the open. I didn't want her to feel sorry for me but I didn't want any secrets between us either. Maybe opening up to her would help her feel more comfortable about telling me something about herself? Even so, it just felt natural having this conversation with her, the entire evening with her had just felt so good and right…and natural.

"I'm sorry," Bella said as she stopped and started digging in her purse. She produced a phone that I never heard ringing or buzzing, "This will only take a minute," she said as she answered it. I let her walk a step or two ahead to give her some privacy while she talked. I was curious about who was calling but I was not going to eavesdrop. I looked up the street in the direction we had just come and saw a few guys heading right for us. They were stumbling around and seemed to be drunk. _Great! _I decided that it would be best to close the gap between me and Bella, just in case these guys acted like idiots. Privacy or not, they didn't need to think Bella was alone.

Bella pulled the phone away from her ear and looked directly into my eyes as she hit the end button. Her face was twisted in concern and anger as she stepped forward. "Edward run," she begged as she grabbed my arm. It stunned me how tight her grip was. "I'll see you at the hotel. Please, just run!" she pleaded desperately.

"Run? Run from what?" _Is she fucking serious? _I watched as her gaze went past me and I heard the group of guys approach us. I knew what had Bella concerned but those guys weren't any real threat… why would she want me to run? I was here to protect her. I turned to face them, smelling their intoxication as they stopped before us.

"Hey man, you got a light?" The tall boy in front asked me as I watched his eyes fall on Bella. There were four other boys in the group besides the tall one doing the talking. They were all laughing and snickering amongst themselves as the leader of the gang of boys waited for my answer.

"We don't want any trouble," I said as I put my arm behind me to protect Bella. I tried to move her behind my back but she wouldn't budge.

"That's good 'cause we don't want any trouble either," the tall boy said as he glanced back at his gang before looking back at me with a evil grin on his face, "we just want her." The tall boy suddenly lunged at me but I was able to catch him by the shirt. I panicked as I heard Bella screaming behind me and my focus was distracted as I tried to see what was going on with her. I knew I would kill them if they hurt her. I saw that one of the boys had a knife to her throat and a rage instantly overtook me. I punched the leader of the gang in the mouth causing him to fall backward as another one of the boys from the gang grabbed my arm. I tried to break away to get to Bella when something hit the back of my head, knocking me to the ground. I felt my body hit the pavement as my mind went black and pain pulsed through my skull.

"Bella," my voice was groggy and I knew I needed to get to her but was too dazed to figure out how. I heard what sounded like bones snapping and a man screaming in pain. I opened my eyes and tried to focus but everything was blurry. I tried to get up but felt sluggish and my actions were difficult to maneuver. I rolled on my back, careful not to hit my head against the sidewalk and thought I saw Bella standing over me. She was standing in a crouched position with her legs on either side of me. I slowly rolled to my side to try and get up when I heard a deep snarl, a guttural growl that was coming from above me, causing me to freeze. It sounded more like a wild animal growling than anything human. I could hear yelling but my head was still pounding and I was so muddled and confused. Why was there an animal here? Was it a dog from the neighborhood? The sounds became distant as if they were coming from deep in a tunnel and then everything was quiet. "Bella," I tried to speak again as I lifted myself up by my arms. My head was still spinning.

"Why didn't you run? I should chase those guys down and kill them for this!" I heard Bella's angry voice rage as I felt her cool hands on my arms.

I felt myself being lifted off the ground and air flowing through my hair. I tried to focus again on what was going on but I had obviously hit my head harder that I thought because I couldn't focus on anything. Everything was moving by too quickly. I thought I was nestled closely to Bella's chest and yet it seemed as if I were flying through the air. My mind was still trying to process it all when finally everything slowed down and I felt my feet touch the ground.

"I need you to lean on me and walk. Can you do that?" I heard Bella's voice as I looked up at her. I nodded and I touched her face with the hand that was not wrapped around her shoulder as I looked over her worriedly. I still felt dizzy but I was slowly coming around as I looked forward and saw the lights of The Peninsula Hotel. "I just need to get you upstairs."

"How did you...how did I…?" I must have been stronger than I thought I was. None of this made any sense to me. I was just in Bella's arms but I knew we had been more than six blocks from the hotel when we were accosted by the gang of boys.

"Shhh, just walk," Bella said quietly as her iron grip tightened around my waist. She practically dragged me through the lobby and into the elevator. Either I was walking better than I thought I could or she was some kind of Wonder Woman. I hoped that I wasn't too confused to remember that thought later, Wonder Woman was one sexy ass bitch! Once inside the lift, I noticed there was an older couple eyeing us suspiciously. "Too much to drink," Bella stated as she pointed at me.

"That's right!" I yelled out into the small space as I flung my hand up haphazardly in the air, trying to act my part. The elevator dinged and we stepped out, leaving the couple to stare at us in wonderment as Bella pulled me down the hall. "Too much?" I asked.

"No, I think you nailed it," she looked at me and smiled as she pulled out her room key and opened the door, helping me over to her bed.

I loved her smile. "I love your smile." I could live a lifetime in that smile, I would like nothing better. "I could live a lifetime in your smile." I furrowed my brows and looked down at my feet as I wondered why my thoughts were repeating themselves.

Bella caressed my cheek and giggled as she bent to my eye level, "Wait here while I get some ice," she commanded as she left with her cell phone. I looked around her room and saw that everything looked as though it hadn't been touched. _She must be a neat freak, _I smiled to myself as I lay back on the pillows.

"Ouch! Fuck!" I yelled out as I winced in pain and reached back to feel the knot at the back of my head. _What the fuck did they hit me with? _I started to think about how everything went down. I remembered Bella being held at knifepoint and I wondered how she got away from that and where that animal came from? I knew she had carried me to the hotel. How did she do that? I outweighed her by at least seventy-five pounds if not more.

I heard Bella's key in the door and tried to scoot up in the bed. "Thanks Carlisle, give everyone my love," I heard Bella say as she entered the room and I watched her stuff the phone in her jean's pocket. "You should go to the hospital," she said as she set the bucket of ice down.

"Nope, no hospitals," I said shaking my head as I tried to sit up. "I feel better already." I watched as she went into the bathroom and came out with a hand towel. Bella laid the towel on the bed and dumped some ice out of the bucket into the towel. She grabbed up the ends of the towel, making a pouch, and walked around the bed.

"You need to lie down and roll over," she said holding up the make shift ice pack. I couldn't help but smile wickedly at her. She was trying to play doctor and it was a _major_ turn on. I decided to play nice and rolled over. She then sat down next to me and held the ice pack gently on my head. "What's your name?"

"What? I thought I was the one with the head injury!" I laughed at her.

"I'm serious, Carlisle said to make sure you remember simple things like your name," Bella insisted.

"Who's Carlisle?" I asked not sure if I wanted to know the answer.

"He's my father, well, adoptive father," she said as a wave of relief flooded over me. It didn't seem like Bella was the type to string a few guys along but it was always the quiet ones that ended up surprising you in the end. We didn't say anything for a few minutes and as the ice started to numb the pain in the back of my head, I decided it was time for some answers.

"Look, you gotta give me some answers," I said as I took the ice pack from her and rolled over to look at her.

Bella rolled her eyes at me, "Yes, No…to get to the other side, Um, 1.77245..."

I cut her off, "I don't need to know what the square root of Pi is."

"You knew that?" She asked as a look of astonishment crossed her face. I felt a little smug that I actually did know what she was talking about, but now was not the time to gloat.

"How did you get away from those guys?" I asked

"Basic self-defense," she tried to downplay it but I could tell she was feeling a little uncomfortable. I should have just backed off but I had to know the truth. Something else was going on here, I could feel it.

"What are you, like a superhero or something?" _Wonder Woman. Please be Wonder Woman._ I paused trying to imagine little Bella battling all of those guys, but it just didn't match up. I shook my head as I took the ice from my scalp. I watched as Bella folded her arms across her chest as she frowned.

"What if I'm not the superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?" she asked as she stared at the wall across the room. I sat up on the bed.

"You can't be," I paused and tried to read her face. I think she believed it. I reached up and pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear, hoping that she would turn to look at me. "I've read your book. You can't write with that much emotion and heartache and be the bad guy, Bella. I haven't known you for very long but I don't think I'm wrong about this."

"You only see what you want to believe," she said still not looking at me so this time I reached for her hand.

"What does that mean?" There was something more that she wasn't telling me and I wasn't leaving without answers. "Bella, sweetheart, please look at me."

"It means that if you were smart, you would stay away from me," she answered. _Again with the fucking riddles! _

"I'm not going to do that." I shook my head as finally she lifted her eyes and I looked at her beautiful face. I wished I didn't feel the need to know but I also knew I had to have some answers and I knew there was no way out of the next question, "How did you get me all the way to the hotel? We were nearly six blocks away. Did you carry me?"

"I didn't," I knew she was lying and I started to get up, "I mean, I didn't carry you all the way, I sort of…helped you along."

"I know you carried me, no…I think you were actually running with me now that I think about it. I want to know how you did it." I got up off the bed as the realization of what I was remembering seemed preposterous. Bella jumped to her feet.

"Edward, someone hit you in the head. You're confused. You should lie down and let me get you some more ice." Bella pleaded, reaching out for my arm.

"I'm not confused, I know what happened." I tried to understand how it was possible but there weren't any explanations that made sense.

"No one will believe you." Bella said coming closer to me. We were standing close once more, looking tentatively into each other's eyes. The silent conversation we were having with our body language was easier to decipher than our words.

"I'm not going to tell anyone, I just need to know the truth because it sure as shit isn't making any sense to me." I tried not to sound harsh but it was kind of scary having to ask the questions I was asking. It was all so strange suddenly. I walked over to the closed curtains and saw a little sliver of light shining through onto the floor. I was surprised to see that so much time had passed and it was morning already.

"I feel very protective of you. I couldn't just stand back and not do anything. Can't you just let it go?" I heard her voice coming closer from behind me and felt her hand touch my back. I wanted to let it go, God did I ever, but I couldn't. If I was willing to allow myself to get involved, there had to be no secrets. If she couldn't answer a simple question to ease my doubts then how could I let her into my life?

"I don't think I can," and with that I pulled the blinds open to let in the morning sun. "I don't understand why you can't tell me…," I turned around to look back at Bella but she was gone. "Bella?" I heard the soft click of the bathroom door. I stood there for a moment slightly stunned at how quickly she had disappeared. Something wasn't right. I walked through the bedroom and knocked on the bathroom door, there was no answer. "Bella," I tried to open the bathroom door but it was locked.

"Give me a minute," she called from inside the bathroom as I heard several things skidding across the bathroom countertop and falling on the floor.

"Bella? What's wrong?" I tried to put the pieces of the puzzle together in my head but nothing fit. I was panicking. Thoughts of my mother came pouring into my mind as I remembered how she had a rush of nearly superhuman strength before her cancer made her deathly ill. Maybe Bella was sick and that is why she didn't want to share anything about her life with me? Her skin was incredibly pale and her hands cold, but it couldn't be! I didn't want it to be! How could she possibly pull me along and not tell me she was sick? Losing my mother almost killed me; I can't go through that again. I tried to calm myself down, knowing my thoughts were getting ahead of me, but the last hour had been too strange, I still had no idea what was really happening.

"Please Edward, give me just a minute?" Bella pleaded again and then everything was quiet. I listened briefly for any sounds that would signify to me that Bella was alright, there was nothing.

"Bella, you're scaring me damn it! You either open the door or I am going to break it down." I warned and was contemplating giving a countdown when the door swung open.

Bella was standing there smiling at me as if nothing was wrong. I looked at her, puzzled, and then looked to the countertop where I saw the makeup scattered across it. I took my finger and ran it down her cool cheek. I could feel the thick makeup as I rubbed it between my fingers.

"You're sick aren't you?" I asked bracing myself for her answer.

"Sick?" Bella gave a chuckle as she walked past me into the bedroom, "Not hardly."

I ran my hand through my hair feeling more confused than before, "Then please, help me understand what is going on here," I begged as I watched Bella take her clothes from the closet and stuff them in her suitcase.

"I can't Edward. You and I…we shouldn't be friends," she said as she went back into the bathroom to gather her things. I couldn't help but feel as if the air had been knocked out of me.

"Friends?" I questioned and then repeated her words as I looked down at the floor, "We shouldn't be friends…"

"It's too complicated, too dangerous…,"Bella paused for a moment with her back to me and then bent over to zip up her suitcase.

"Dangerous?" Complicated, I understood. All relationships were complicated to one degree or another, especially the ones that involved the heart, but dangerous? How hard had I been hit in the head, because this was getting ridiculous.

"Edward," Bella turned to me setting her suitcase down at her feet and pulling her purse onto her shoulder, "It has become more and more difficult for me to stay away from you." She looked so beautiful standing there and I didn't want her to leave before this was resolved. My heart needed this to be settled before she left.

"Then don't," the solution seemed simple enough. I wanted to be with her, I believed she wanted to be with me. I took the couple of steps toward her, putting my hands on her arms, feeling the need to be closer to her, wanting to feel the spark of electricity between us. "Stay with me," I whispered with pleading eyes, and took a step even closer. She looked up at me and I felt my heart melt as I looked into her golden brown eyes, "Please." She broke our gaze and shook her head as she cast her eyes to the ground.

"It's not that I don't want to," she paused as she bit her lip and glanced back up at me, "I'm just no good for you."

"Isn't that for me to decide?" I asked as I finally pulled her to me, closing the distance between us. I put my hand on the side of her face as my thumb gently rubbed across her cheek. Bella turned her head slightly, closing her eyes as I leaned in and kissed her tenderly, trying to show her that I wanted her to stay. There was sadness in the kiss she returned to me and I felt her lip tremble as I kissed her deeper. I felt her hand touch the hand that was still cupping her cheek. She slowly pulled away. I tried to hold on to her a little longer, resting my forehead on hers. "Don't" I whispered, knowing that I was losing her. She squeezed my hand as she pulled completely away from me. I watched her pick up her suitcase and go out the door without looking back.

I was crushed. I couldn't go after her. She had made her wishes clear to me even though I didn't want to accept it. I walked over and sat down on the bed trying to get a handle on what happened. I put my head in my hands as I rested my elbows on my knees. I couldn't believe I was so happy less than twelve hours ago. I looked around the room and it was like she had never been there, except…I could still taste her on my lips.

I took a deep breath and started to stand up to leave when I noticed a small notepad next to the bed. I paused as I picked it up and flipped open the front cover. There were notes and doodles all over the pages. My name was written all over the place in different styles and shapes. The emotions that it stirred in me were a mixture of happiness and pain. I felt elated by the discovery and yet devastated all over again by the loss of something that could have been. I brought the notepad closer and smelled her on it. Despite everything that just happened, it was obvious that Bella thought of me too. I saw notes for her new book and it looked like I was to be the new love interest. I smiled as I continued to flip the pages feeling better with every page I turned. My name was everywhere!

The more I read the more resolve I began to have. I read for at least thirty minutes and there were parts where I knew she was talking to me directly, she had to be. Her thoughts were as intense as mine had been. Finally, I decided that I _would_ track her down in Seattle. I couldn't let this go, I didn't want to let this go, and I was pretty confident now, after what I had read that she didn't want to let this go either. No matter what it took, I would find her. This was going to work. We would figure it out together. If she was sick, I didn't want to waste any more time apart from her. I would rather be with her now for as much time as she had than not be with her at all. In that moment I realized that it didn't matter to me what she was, I wanted her, and that was all I cared to know. I turned to the last written page of the notepad where there were a few more notes, my name written again, and then a quote that read,

"_I'd rather you hate me for everything I am,_

_Than have you love me for something that I'm not"_

I closed the notebook and thought about what I had just read. I had no clue as to what it all actually meant, but it was pretty clear that Bella had a secret, and she didn't want me to love her without me having all the facts and knowing her fully. I wanted her in my life; I knew that much was true; I just had to get beyond the fact that there might be some things about her life that she wouldn't share with me. I sat on Bella's bed staring at the cover of the little notebook when I began to accept that having Bella in my life was more important to me than not having her at all. I would gladly take whatever part of herself she was willing to give me. Within twenty-four hours I went from debating a relationship at all to this, to admitting that I would take whatever I could get. But if there was nothing else I understood, I did understand this - the heart wants what the heart wants, and my heart wanted Bella, badly. It ached for her.

With my new found determination, and I knew I was sticking with it this time with no more second guessing myself; I took Bella's notebook and left the hotel. I had a little more than a day to plot my next move. It wouldn't be easy but if I was breaking all of my rules anyway, failure was not going to be an option.

I want My Bella and I am not going to give up!

**A/N:** Some of you may recognize the last quote from the song "Never Enough" from Five Finger Death Punch. If you are curious and would like to hear the song, we've made it easy for you again! Just venture back over to the profile and click on the link!


	8. Chapter 8 Right through his heart

**A/N: **First and foremost, we want to thank everyone who is reading FTLOB...we currently have 3,131 hits to our story on fanfiction and a ton of you have FTLOB listed as either a favorite or on story or author alert ...every time we see those numbers it makes us so happy, so big thanks and hugs to you all...don't forget, if you ever want to chat real time to Em or Nicky, you can find us on Livejournal "4theloveofbella" (the link is located on the fanfiction profile). So carry on and know that the next chapter isn't far behind! :)

**Disclaimer:**** Nicky and I do not own Twilight or any of its characters, we just like to play with them!**

"Loneliness pours over you  
Emptiness can pull you through  
Did you go to sleep with the light on?  
I can't wait for this feeling to free me"

~Lou Gramm - Lost in the Shadows

* * *

"Get yourself a good sharp stake and drive it right through his heart"

~*~

**-:BPOV:-**

_Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!! I can't believe I was so stupid!!!_

"Where to?" The taxi cab driver asked as I sat down in the back seat.

"Chicago O'Hare Airport, American Airlines terminal," I turned to look back at the doors of the hotel knowing full well that Edward wasn't following me. I'd hurt him. I had flirted recklessly with him because I was selfish. I wanted him; I was in love with him. I had no doubts that he had feelings for me. I had shown him I was interested and then pulled the rug out from under him and I hate myself for it. I should have known better than to get involved with a human! It went against all my better judgment, but I wanted this so badly. I wanted to believe everything Alice had told me and that a relationship with Edward was possible. In the end, I was still a monster and he was still this gloriously beautiful human man that deserved so much more than the life I could give him. If he ever discovered what a wretched monstrosity I was, he would shun me anyway. But none of that mattered now. I had walked away after he had asked me to stay with him. I left him standing there with his heart in his hands and I knew there was no going back. It was really better this way even though it felt like someone was carving my heart out of my chest with a dull knife.

I felt my cell phone going crazy in my pocket again. It had been going off ever since I walked out of the hotel room. I didn't have to look at it to know who it was, I knew it was Alice. I had no doubt that she had seen everything. I pulled the phone out of my pocket and while I was looking out the window, I quietly crushed the small device into tiny pieces in my hand. I rolled down the window and threw the pieces out. The cab driver gave me a strange look through the rearview mirror as I rolled my window back up but I didn't care. My heart was breaking. I felt the deep sobs trying to erupt from my chest as I concentrated on trying not to lose it. As vampires, it was impossible for us to cry human tears although our bodies still went through the motions of crying. I had heard rumors that freshly fed vampires could produce blood tears when they cried but I had never seen it or experienced it.

I took a deep breath and held it for as long as I could without feeling uncomfortable as I tried to keep the walls of my chest from constricting. Everything was so fucked up! The one thing that I could do now for Edward, which is what I should have done in the beginning, was to stay away from him. I should have let him go on with his human life and I had no right to interfere in it. He hadn't known me long enough to become attached so it would be easy for him to forget me. For me, it would be a different story, and even if I had to become my character Maria and lock myself away for the next eighty years, I would do it to save him from myself. I had made a disaster out of everything! I had learned nothing from this whole experience other than ignorance was bliss and now that I knew what love felt like, I had an eternity to feel the heartbreak of losing Edward. Not only had I lost the only man I had ever loved, I had also run the risk of exposing what I truly was. I had come so close to killing those guys last night but I wasn't sorry. I hoped the one who had hurt Edward would never forget that night. I was sure that his arm would never heal properly and the demon inside of me was pleased knowing that fucker would always have a reminder of our encounter. I would have done more damage if Edward were not lying beneath me hurt. All I could think of was getting him out of the situation and out of danger. If only I would have called 911, I would have been worried about him but at least I would still be with him. Just more proof that I had no business being in this relationship, I just did everything wrong.

I didn't realize that we had arrived at the airport until I felt the car come to a halt. I paid the driver and retrieved my bag from the trunk of the car. After checking my bags at the ticket counter, I went through security and wandered through the airport to my gate. I passed several coffee vendors but I refused to stop, holding my breath every time a passed one. I knew it would only make matters worse and cause my heart to break even more than it already was.

I sat at the gate with a few hours to kill before my flight. I was oblivious to everyone and everything going on around me. I had no desire to do anything but wallow in myself pity. I didn't bother with distractions like my music or writing. I didn't want to. I allowed myself to be completely consumed in the quiet recesses of my mind, completely pulling into myself. There was nothing that was ever going to change what I was and I needed to learn to accept that. I had spent the last twenty years holding on to my humanity, but I just had to face the fact that I was no longer human. Had I fully embraced my disgusting nature, I wouldn't be in this predicament now.

Carlisle had fallen in love with a human, Esme, but he did nothing to act on it until after she was pronounced dead. Carlisle found her in the morgue with a faint heartbeat so he took her and changed her. He didn't try to steal her life and he didn't try to become involved with her other than to treat her medically. Same thing with Rosalie and Emmett, she didn't take his life until he was almost dead. I was the only halfwit that would go after a human.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

I was still lost in my own self loathing when a little girl about the age of four accidentally ran into my legs. The little girl turned to me to say she was sorry and all I saw were her big green eyes. They reminded me of Edward's. _Edward. _I felt my chest constrict again as the little girl ran back to her mother. I held my breath for a moment trying to keep in the sobs when I heard the announcement for boarding. I pulled myself from my chair and headed towards the tarmac.

The flight was uneventful and I was sure the person beside me must have thought I was on drugs. I just sat in my seat and stared expressionless at the seat in front of me. I didn't move, I didn't blink, and I didn't care. All I could see were images of Edward. His gorgeous green eyes, the straight edge of his jaw line, the faint appearance of a cleft in his chin, and his smile. I felt the edges of my lips curl up as I thought of Edward's smile, all warm and infectious. I loved his smile, especially his dimples. Even though they were small and only appeared over the edges of his lips when he smiled, I loved them just the same. When he would explain things, he would sometimes raise his eyebrows causing three very distinct lines to form across his forehead and one small one just between his brows. It was absolutely adorable when he was nervous because his hand would always run through his hair. It was always the left hand, never the right. At first, his hand would run through the top of his head with his fingers bent and spread slightly apart as he raked them through his hair and then through the back on the left side. His eyes were very animated when he spoke and I loved watching their intensity when he was telling a story. When he was thinking, he would slightly suck in the skin just below his bottom lip. It was very subtle and I doubt that anyone else would have ever noticed. There was also this cute little freckle of a mole right at his hair line on the right side of neck…_Stop it!_

I let out a long breath as I tried to shake the memories of him. It was as if I were trying to come off of a drug addiction. I just couldn't let go, as if I were jonesing for another fix! I took in a breath and smelled the coffee being served. I was in my own private hell with no hopes of escaping. I was going to lose my mind before I ever set foot off of this plane! Maybe I should write him a letter. I was feeling guilty for leaving the way I did. I knew he wouldn't understand and I needed to at least give him some form of an explanation. Leaving things unsaid may make him bitter, and I just can't stand the thought of him thinking badly of me.

I reached down and pulled my purse into my lap. The service cart stopped next to our aisle and the smell of coffee was strong all around me. I let out a heavy sigh as I opened my purse to pull out my notebook. It wasn't there! I sat back in my seat for a moment as I tried to remember when I last had it. In my rush to leave the hotel, I had forgotten to grab the notebook off the nightstand. Edward had been standing between me and the bed and even though I was trying to leave, I was also trying hard to fight my instincts to hold him and never let go, to kiss him madly. I would have loved nothing more than to have ripped his clothes from his tall body, pushed him back on the bed and had my way with him. I instantly remembered him sleeping peacefully at Tyler and Maggie's half naked, his bare chest beckoning to me from just a few feet away. How I longed to run my hands down his body, to lightly graze my fingertips over his hardened nipples giving them a playful pinch. I felt a dull ache of arousal beginning to burn between my legs at the thought of exploring Edward's body with my hands and tongue. My hands flew up to my temples as I shook my head. _Get a grip on yourself Bella, this is not helping! _

My mind was still burning with images of Edward, real and fantasized. I could still hear him pleading with me to stay. I could see the want and need in his eyes and then the disparity when he realized that I wasn't going to remain with him. I felt a sharp pain in my chest again as I thought of the hurt I caused him. I was a vile, atrocious creature who did not deserve to be with Edward, however the more miles that separated us, the harder it became to keep believing that. I knew that I had left my heart with him in Chicago because there was only a gaping hole left in my chest where my heart used to be. I wrapped my arms around myself to hold the pieces together. This was just day one of my life without Edward and thinking about any more than that made my chest constrict as I tried to fight the sobs again. It almost felt as if I was drowning. I hugged my chest tighter as I began to rock back and forth in my seat.

I managed to maintain myself for the rest of the flight. Time had slipped away from me again but for the first time in ages, I just didn't care. I let it swallow me whole and did nothing to stop it. As we landed in Seattle, the only thing I was dreading now was seeing Alice. I knew that she would work hard to cheer me up but that just wasn't what I needed right now. I just wanted to be alone. If I could just fade away until the pain stopped, I might actually survive this heartache.

Once I got off the plane, I blindly followed the crowd of people toward the baggage claim area. I wasn't watching where I was going, just mindlessly walking knowing that I would end up in the baggage claim area eventually. I stepped on the escalator that took me down to the lower level and as I neared the bottom, a familiar scent momentarily snapped me out of my stupor. It was the smell of another vampire that I recognized. I looked up through the crowd and saw the most wonderful sight for sore eyes. It was Emmett, standing there with his arms folded and a huge grin on his face. I jumped off the escalator and within two bounds I jumped up into his arms and hugged him fiercely. As soon as he caught me, I felt my chest constricting and I did nothing to stop the sobs that erupted from my chest.

"I know baby girl," Emmett said as he held me tight and soothed my hair. I couldn't say anything as I continued to let the emotions pour out of me. We didn't move for a while. He just held me in the middle of the baggage claim area in the Seattle airport and let me get it all out. I was sure we were getting strange looks from the people passing by us but I didn't care.

"I was happy," I quietly sobbed as I buried my head in his chest.

"And you will be happy again," he said.

"No, I won't," I corrected him as I slowly shook my head. "I left him."

"He'll forgive you," Emmett whispered in my hair as he squeezed me tighter trying to reassure me.

"It doesn't matter," I paused taking in a ragged breath, "it's too dangerous for him."

"Shit," Emmett chuckled under his breath. I pulled away from him feeling a little confused. "Bella, you don't give yourself enough credit."

"But you don't understand. He deserves much better than what I am."

"I don't ever want to hear you say that again Isabella! Do you understand me?" I knew I had aggravated him.

I nodded as I let him go. "I love you Emmett," I said as I patted his chest and took his hand. "Let's go home."

A big grin lit up his face as he winked at me, "Nope, we're going hunting first." He bumped his shoulder into mine, "And I love you too baby girl."

Emmett went and grabbed my suitcase off the conveyor belt before we headed out to his Jeep. "What made you come pick me up?" I asked as he threw my bag in the back seat.

"Well, number one, I missed you; it's weird when you are not around. And number two, Alice said that you needed me." We started to pull out of the parking spot when he suddenly stopped, "Oh, and she said you would need this," Emmett pulled a notebook and an envelope from the back seat. I smiled and suddenly I couldn't be mad at Alice anymore. I really wasn't mad at her to begin with because I knew she meant well and she only wanted me to be happy. I was really angrier with myself for being so careless.

As Emmett drove, I thought of what to say as I tapped my pen against the blank notebook. I made several attempts but nothing sounded good enough. I finally decided that there would be no easy way to get this out. Straight forward and honest would be the best way to handle this. I glanced up at Emmett who looked back at me with concern in his eyes. I gave him a faint smile and with a heavy sigh, I turned back to my notebook as I began to write:

_Dear Edward,_

_I know I owe you an explanation but I really don't have much of one to give. Believe me when I tell you that I wish with all of my heart that the circumstances were different. Unfortunately, my life is what it is and there is nothing either of us can do to change it. Please forgive me and know that I never meant to hurt you. I wish you the best and I will never forget you. Your kiss will always be on my lips._

_Love always,_

_Bella_

I tore the page from the notebook and sealed it up in the envelope. I wrote Edward's name on the outside and looked up at Emmett, "We have a stop to make on the way home." He nodded in understanding.

"You wanna talk about it," he asked as he exited off the interstate onto Highway 530.

"I love him, what else is there to talk about" I shrugged my shoulders, not looking at him.

"Yeah…sometimes you just know," I nodded at his response. "I know Rose and I have a wild relationship but I also know there isn't anyone else out there for me. I know you two don't get along but I do love her and I think everything about her is amazing, even when she annoys the shit out of me."

"I know you do and I know she loves you too," I smiled as I patted him on the leg. Emmett loved wrestling grizzly bears so it made sense that he would love a strong woman. They were perfect for each other.

"I'm starving!" Emmett exclaimed as he parked the Jeep just outside of Mt. Baker National Forest. "You're looking a few hours past rigor yourself little sis." He smiled as he poked me with his finger.

"Bite me you meat popsicle!" I punched him in the shoulder and jumped out of the jeep. I took off running into the forest knowing Emmett was close behind me.

It felt good to be outside and running. I had been cooped up for too long. We eventually neared a lake where a herd of elk were resting. We overtook them and had a few drained before the rest of the herd became alerted to our presence. We tossed the carcasses off into the forest and continued our hunt. I knew Emmett was looking for a Black Bear so we separated for a little while. Bear was not my forte.

It didn't take me long to track down a deer. By the time I had drained it I was too full. I should have just stopped with the elk but I wanted to feel something else besides the emptiness that now consumed me. I stood there for some time staring at the dead deer thinking about how I had taken its life. It had whimpered and struggled under my grip fighting until it had taken its last breath. I thought about Edward and how one slip could have ended his life too. I shook my head trying to empty it of those thoughts. I loved Edward too much to make that mistake. I knew I would love him forever and my life would never be the same. A new wave of painful emotions crashed over me as I realized I would never see Edward again. How do I live with thoughts of what could have been? I fell to my knees as the precipice in my chest began to crack open once more. I felt the constriction of the sobbing begin again as I thought about never feeling the comfort of his arm around me or his warm hand in mine. I would never feel his kiss or hear him tell me that he loved me. I let go of all the control I had been holding onto all day. I let the pain come as the lamenting reached the very depths of my being. I squeezed my arms around myself trying to hold the pieces together and contain the pain in my chest. My body was trembling as I fell slowly to the ground, my sobs now audible in the woods as every other animal had fled from me. I began to feel a trail of warm thick liquid trail down my cheeks. I reached a shaky hand up to wipe my face and gasped aloud when found blood on my hands.

"Bella?" I jerked my head up to see Emmett standing there practically shirtless. He had a startled look on his face as he crouched down next to me. "What happened?" he asked as he wiped more blood from my face.

"I…I think I'm crying," I shuddered.

"Come on," Emmett scooped me up in his arms and ran with me all the way back to the jeep. He set me down in the passenger seat and told me to wait as he took off. He returned with his dampened shirt in his hand and proceeded to clean up my face. I think I was still in shock up until Emmett tried to take my shirt off. He had already gotten a new one for me out of my bag and had it slung over his shoulder as he tried to unbutton the one I had on.

"What the hell are you doing?" I yelled smacking his hands away as I snapped out of my haze.

"I'm trying to change your shirt," he said as he stepped away from my flailing arms. He began waving the clean shirt like a white flag as he covered his eyes. "Chill out."

I snatched the shirt from his hand exasperated, "Turn around and no peeking."

"Bella, you are being ridiculous," he said as he turned around. I quickly looked around the empty parking lot and changed my shirt.

"OK, done," I said as I pitched the bloodied shirt in the back seat. Emmett walked around to the other side of the jeep and pulled a clean t-shirt out of a gym bag behind his seat. I started to feel bad about snapping at him. I knew he was just trying to help me. Once he was situated in the driver's seat I turned to him to apologize, "I'm sorry Emmett. You just caught me off guard."

"No, I'm sorry. I should have let you dress yourself. I wasn't thinking. I was just worried about you. I've never seen blood coming out of anyone's eyes before. It kind of freaked me out." I explained to him about the rumors I had heard regarding the blood tears. It seemed to ease his mind.

"I take it you got that bear?" a big grin lit up his whole face as he told me in detail about his fight with the bear. I loved to see Emmett excited. He was just like a big kid at Christmas. Bears were his favorite kill because that is what killed him as a human. That's how Rosalie found him, nearly dead from being mauled by a bear. She ran over one hundred miles carrying Emmett to Carlisle, begging Carlisle to save him. That was the one thing, the only thing, about Rosalie that I admired. I didn't know anything else about her other than she had saved Emmett from death.

After Emmett was finished with his story, I reminded him about the stop I needed to make. I didn't want to do it but it was necessary. Edward deserved some form of closure. For me, there would never be closure. He would always be in my heart. I took the envelope out of my purse and tapped it aimlessly on my leg as Emmett pulled off the interstate and headed toward the coffee shop. I knew Edward wouldn't be there but I still felt nervous. The coffee shop was a big part of his life. It was almost two weeks ago that I had been caught up in my reverie of working in that coffee shop with Edward. I closed my eyes and I could still see him running around the coffee shop with his white apron tied around his waist.

I felt the jeep stop and my eyes popped open. "We're here baby girl. Do you want me to come with you?" Emmett asked as he shut the jeep off.

"No, I'll be fine," I started to get out of the jeep when I turned and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks for everything today," I said as I smiled at him. Emmett just gave me that huge grin that I loved and I climbed out of the jeep with Edward's letter in my hand.

I was almost to the front doors of the coffee shop when the hand written sign on the sidewalk caught my eye. I was powerless to move as I read it over and over to myself. _Bella's Dream? Did Edward…Bella's Dream? Coffee?_ It slowly began to sink in as I just stood there staring. Just like I had made Edward a character in my new book, he had made a special coffee for me. We were each including one another in our own way in our everyday lives. I had never been so moved by something so simple. I felt the constriction in my chest begin again. _Keep it together Bella!_ I glanced back at Emmett who was staring at me from the jeep. I knew he was worried so I gave him a casual wave. I looked at the sign once more and then forced myself through the front doors of the coffee shop.

The smell was almost as incredible as it was the first time I had walked in except it was missing one key piece, Edward's blood. Still, being here in his shop and smelling the coffee was close enough. There were three people working today. There was a tall skinny boy who was washing tables down, a young dark-haired girl who was cleaning one of the coffee machines, and a petite brown-haired girl who was sorting through tickets at the register. I walked up to the counter and read "Erin" on the name tag of the girl at the register. I never expected Erin to be pretty and felt a little bit of jealousy that she could share in Edward's life and I couldn't.

"May I help you?" Erin asked as she set the receipts down turning her full attention to me.

"Yes, actually you can. I'm a friend of Edward's and I need to get this letter to him," I watched as Erin raised a suspicious eyebrow at me. "I know he is out of town and won't be returning until tomorrow afternoon," I continued as Erin's entire facial expression fell blank, "and I was wondering if you could give this to him when he returns." I held the letter out in front of me. I noticed the dark-haired girl at the coffee maker had turned to look at us with a strange look on her face.

"I'm sorry, what was your name again?" Erin asked as she wiped her hands on her apron and reached for the letter.

"Bella," I answered as both Erin and the dark-haired girl froze. I watched several different emotions play over Erin's face before she settled into an icy glare.

"Where did you meet Edward?" Erin asked as she set the letter next to the register.

"Well, I'm actually Isabella Cullen, the author of _Pieces of Moonlight_. I met him at my book signing…"

"Oh my God!" the dark-haired girl interrupted as she came running over from the coffee maker shoving her hand across the counter, "I'm Lizzie Tanner. I freakin' love your book!" I smiled as I shook her hand.

"I'm glad you like it, Lizzie and thank you for reading it," I smiled back at her, giving her my well scripted answer from the tour, as I shook her hand. I then turned to Erin trying to keep the smile on my face, "If you don't mind giving him that letter, I would appreciate it."

"Sure, no problem, consider it done." I nodded as I searched her eyes briefly. Something didn't seem right. Erin seemed edgy. I could feel it.

"I have my book in the car, would you mind signing it for me?" Lizzie asked breaking into my concentration.

"I'd be happy to," Lizzie left and I glanced back at Erin who was eyeing the letter I had given her. Something in me snapped as it occurred to me that Erin would probably read that letter. My anger got the better of me.

"While I'm waiting, I'll take one of those Bella's Dreams to go." I said and wrinkled my nose as I patted the counter with my hand. She looked back at me with narrow scowling eyes and began working on the coffee. I let my jealousy get the best of me and I probably shouldn't have done it but I couldn't help it. There was something about Erin that was really pissing me off. She had feelings for Edward. I could tell by her actions and her body language. If I would have known it beforehand, I would have never given her the letter for Edward.

Lizzie returned with her book as Erin was finishing up my coffee. I wrote a quick inscription for her and started to pull some money out of my pocket. "It's on the house," Erin smiled tightly.

"Grazie," I nodded and smiled as I picked up my coffee turning on my heel to leave. I inhaled deeply one last time taking in the heavenly aroma of the last piece of Edward I would ever encounter. Even though I was jealous of Erin, I could tell she cared for Edward a lot. I felt bad about what I did but it would soon be forgotten. I stole one last look at the sign outside before I continued to the parking lot.

I got to the jeep and Emmett gave me a strange look when I set the coffee in the drink holder. "Have you lost your mind?" he asked.

"Oh Em, he made a special coffee and named it after me," I said knowing I was still acting like a love sick school girl.

"Oh no…you got it bad," Emmett said as he shook his head. "You think this is over…this ain't over baby girl."

"It has to be," I said as I picked up the coffee out of the holder and inhaled its aroma. I wondered what made Edward do this? He had come to Chicago knowing I would be there; did he make this coffee hoping I would see it? I almost wished I could taste it, only because Edward made it.

Emmett laughed at me as he got back on the interstate, "You're in denial. You do realize that don't you?"

I put the coffee back down in the holder and crossed my arms across my chest refusing to answer him. Denial or not, this is the way it had to be. I had allowed myself this one last indulgence, one last little piece of Edward, but there would be no more. Things like this would not make it any easier on me. I had to welcome the passing of time, the thing I hated the most. I had to let it consume me so that I would be sure to allow Edward a normal life. Time meant nothing when you had nothing but time, and if I became too tempted, I would move halfway across the globe to keep myself from him.

Emmett pulled into a gas station to fill up just as we reached Fox Island. I glanced out my window at the garbage can between the pumps and knew what I had to do. I picked the cup up out of the holder as I opened the passenger side door and stepped out onto the pavement. I slowly made my way over to the garbage can and I stood there holding the cup over the mouth of the can having a private battle with myself about throwing the coffee away. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I let go of the cup, hearing it fall onto the trash in the can. I turned without opening my eyes, running into Emmett as his big arms wrapped around me again. He helped me back to the jeep knowing that I was spent emotionally. If only I could let go of my memories of Edward the same way it would make all this much easier on me, but I knew I didn't want to let go. I never wanted to forget Edward or anything about our short time together. I would live a lifetime in those memories of him because those memories were the only happiness I had in my lonely existence.

Emmett pulled into the long familiar driveway of our home and I began to feel a little more at ease until we reached the clearing of the house. There were two cars parked out front that I didn't recognize. I looked at Emmett as confusion feel across my face.

"Um…yeah…about that," Emmett started to speak as he pulled around the side of the house to the garage.

"What!" I demanded, "Who is that!"

"Alice invited them," he said as he shut off the jeep and rubbed his hand across his brow.

"Emmett! Spill it!! Who the fuck owns the cars?" I growled at him through clenched teeth.

"The Denalis!"

"Damn it Alice! She only did this to push me because she thinks I should be with Edward!" I got out of the jeep, slamming the door, "I'm gonna kill her!"

"What if she's right Bella?" Emmett said grabbing my bag as he walked with me to the back of the house. I shot him an angry look before closing my eyes and taking a deep breath trying to prepare myself for what was coming next.

"Time to make nice with the relatives," I said in a sarcastic tone as I looked toward the back door. I wouldn't dare cause a scene in front of the Denalis and embarrass Carlisle and Esme but as soon as I was alone with Alice, she was going to regret putting her nose in my business. I paused just before the door and let out a heavy sigh as I placed a huge fake smile on my face. I stepped forward pushing the door open as I greeted my family and five unfamiliar faces.


	9. Chapter 9 Vampires, my friend Vampires

**A/N:** Poor Edward…he's a little tired, a little WIRED, and just wants to know what the hell is going on! You have to love him for that never say die spirit…OK, you would love him anyway just like Nicky and I do but we're just saying…he's trying hard! We are up to 3,866 hits so hugs to all!!!

**Disclaimer:**** Nicky and I do not own Twilight or any of its characters, we just like to play with them!**

"I'll march this road  
I'll climb this hill  
Upon my knees  
If I have to"

~Tim Capello - I Still Believe

* * *

"Vampires, my friend. Vampires"

~*~

**-:EPOV:-**

After what happened last night, I decided not to walk back to Maggie and Tyler's so I hailed a cab outside of the hotel. Call me lazy, but a walk in the shiny, bright sun filled day that is today was the last thing I wanted to do after my heart had come alive, only to be left abandoned in a nondescript hotel room. When the universe crumbles, taxis are a must! After I told the cab driver where to go, I sat in the back seat holding Bella's notebook in my lap like it was Willy Wonka's Golden Ticket, and I began to ponder where to start. The first thing on my agenda, I needed to try and figure out what was wrong with her. I knew I had very little to go on but hopefully with some research and the internet, I would find something that might give me a clue on how to approach this.

I thumbed through her notebook absentmindedly, seeing my name along with Maria's in Bella's cursive script, trying to ignore how exhausted I was and failing miserably. I can't believe we got jumped by thugs! My life is like a B-grade movie. A tragic love story of a young man's pain as he struggles through life, alone, where even his childhood haunts have turned on him, saved in the dead of night by the beautiful vampire Maria who had freed herself from her self-imposed prison to gain the love of a human. Delirium is a symptom of lack of sleep; I know this, so I only snorted at my internal ramblings and didn't worry too much about the state of my sanity.

I shut the notebook as I closed my eyes tightly and pinched the bridge of my nose. I needed coffee and lots of it. My brain felt fuzzy and very dysfunctional. I felt around to the back of my head where the knot was still tender but a little smaller than it was earlier. Thanks to Bella and her makeshift ice pack. _God! I miss her already!_ The hours we spent together were flashing through my mind and it was all just so…perfect. Why would she just run away like that?

The cab pulled up outside of Maggie and Tyler's and I paid the driver as I got out. I tried to be quiet as I let myself in and headed for the kitchen. I made a pot of coffee, pouring myself a cup before I headed down to Tyler's office to begin my research with Bella's notebook in hand. I sat at the desk and as I waited for Windows to load, I began to write down things I knew about Bella that might help me figure out what was going on with her. I thought about the make-up on her cool skin and her reaction to the daylight; I knew she picked me up and carried me, so she has great strength, almost superhuman strength; and the speed, was she running or flying or both? She tried to deny it but it didn't make sense otherwise. Come to think of it, I also noticed that she didn't eat anything while she was here last night, at least nothing that I saw, but that may or may not mean anything. I wrote it down and put a question mark by it.

Once the wireless was connected, I started looking up sun sensitivities. There was everything from Lupus to some rare forms of genetic disorders. I also read some information regarding medication induced sun sensitivities but I knew that was way off base. Those kinds of reactions wouldn't send her flying to the bathroom at warp speed trying to get away from a little sun coming through some tempered glass. There had to be something else. I read for a few hours, only taking a break to use the bathroom or get more coffee. I had run into Maggie and Tyler a few times in passing but I never lingered more than a few minutes to chat. I had to get back to my research. I knew Tyler was nursing his hangover so it would be an uneventful day. Maggie tried to ask about Bella, her tone full of innuendo, but I told her I simply walked Bella back to her hotel and we made plans to meet up in Seattle. I put on my shy face so she wouldn't want any more details, and I'm glad that it worked.

I was beginning to get discouraged because none of the sun sensitivities seemed to match up with the other symptoms and I started to believe I was missing something vital. Maybe I was looking in the wrong direction? I changed my search from sun sensitivity to fear of sunlight. There were two phobias that I found, Heliophobia or Solophobia and while either could be the case with Bella, it didn't make much sense. If it were a phobia, she wouldn't be able to go out in the sun at all without a panic attack. She clearly had no trouble with the sun once she had the make-up on, unless the make-up was something psychological for her. I went back to Google to search again when I ran across a website listing facts about sunlight and …_vampires? _I laughed out loud at the irony of it. _Bella and her vampires!_ I was still snickering when Maggie poked her head in the door.

"I brought you some lunch," she smiled as she came towards me with a sandwich and chips on a plate and a coke to drink. I could tell by the way she was looking at me she was concerned. I must look a sight, I thought as I ran my hand through my hair, careful not to touch the knot on the back of my head. I knew I was dirty, I had been out all night, I hadn't slept in over twenty-four hours and even though I was pretty exhausted, I couldn't stop what I was doing because my time was limited. I wanted to know what I was dealing with before I returned to Seattle.

"Thanks, Mags," I said as I took the plate from her hoping that calling her by her nickname would help put her mind at ease.

"You know I am a good listener," she said as she touched my shoulder.

I patted her hand as I looked up at her and smiled, "I know you are and I appreciate it, really I do."

"It's just…I haven't seen you like this since your mother got sick," she said as she pointed to all of my papers and notes. My smile faded as I looked down at my sandwich. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"It's OK, really." I forced a smile hoping that she would accept it and leave me to my work.

"Alright," she tousled my hair and then headed for the door of the office before she turned, "Tyler's still pretty hung over so I doubt we'll do anything tonight." I nodded as she smiled and quietly shut the door.

I quickly ate lunch, surprised that I was hungrier than I thought I was and began researching again. Superhuman strength yielded a lot about comic book and fictional characters, including Wonder Woman, of course. I also read about body builders, and even mothers who had adrenaline rushes and did crazy things like lift cars to save their trapped children. Maybe Bella had an adrenaline rush? It wasn't that uncommon. It could happen. I took a few more notes from a few websites and then clicked on a Wikipedia link about superhuman strength. Halfway down, there it was again. _Vampires!_ I chuckled to myself. _I think I'm gonna stick with the adrenaline theory._

I decided to move on to the next symptom, the cool skin. After pages and pages of websites on skin tones and make-up tips, I decided to change my search to cold skin. I found over one hundred diagnoses for cold skin. I leaned back in my chair and ran my hand over my face as I stretched. _This is going to take me forever_, I thought as my eyes fell upon Bella's notebook on the corner of the desk, _but if it gets me closer to my Bella, it's worth it. _

My eyes were irritated and burning at this point and I was really feeling the effects of being up for so long. I decided to give myself a small break and close my eyes but I was so fatigued I think I was out almost as soon as my head nodded forward. It wasn't until the image of Bella's face hissing at me with fangs jerked me into consciousness did I realize that I had dozed off. I woke with a start yelling "Vampire!" and gasping for air as I felt my heart pounding in my chest. "Shit! What the fuck!" I glanced around the room realizing that I was alone and still in Tyler's office. I let out a burst of air as I felt the adrenaline rush slowly ebbing away. I noticed the computer's screensaver was on and I moved the mouse to see how long I had been out. I had dozed for nearly forty-five minutes. That was forty-five minutes of time wasted. I needed to stay awake. Sleeping was not going to get me any closer to Bella. I decided to go make more coffee before tackling any new information, and after that incident, I needed to regroup. I stood and stretched, feeling my tired muscles ache in protest. I wanted to sleep, but time was not on my side right now. I took my plate, glass, and empty coffee cup and headed up the stairs.

I stood in the kitchen as I waited for my coffee to finish brewing. I walked over to the sliding glass doors of the balcony that overlooked where Bella and I sat last night on the patio. I thought of the way we talked and how the world around us didn't matter when we were together. How her cool hand in mine eased something within me, yet made me feel the need to be with her that much stronger. Her smile had captured my heart and her laughter made me feel elated, like everything was right with the world. The pull she had on me was hard to explain and I didn't quite know what to make of it other than I craved to feel it again. My body ached for it.

I closed my eyes and leaned against the glass door as I realized that now I was even further away from that dream than I was before I had arrived in Chicago. I leaned forward and rested my head against my arm as I remembered the feel of her lips against my own. Her skin under my hand was smooth yet firm. I couldn't help but wonder how the rest of her body would feel. Now that I had touched her and kissed her, my fantasies had so much more to go on and my want of her felt like a burning. Even her scent infiltrated my memories causing the deepest of yearnings in the pit of my stomach which now felt like a large gaping hole. I wanted her, I needed her. My longing for her overpowered all my thoughts and all I could think about was being with her again. The moonlight on her skin had enamored me last night and I didn't want to ever break away from her spell. _Bella…_ I licked my lips but her taste was gone.

Why did I have to be so stubborn? I had the best night of my life last night and today could have been the beginning of something amazing. I should have stopped the stupid shit and just taken her in my arms. I would give anything now to have just pulled her back toward me on her bed and kept her there, kept her from leaving us behind. Why couldn't I have told her that I didn't need to know anything and that I could just drop it? I could have pulled her on top of me, letting the weight of her body press against mine, feeling her every curve against me. My hands would have tangled themselves in her hair as I pulled her to my awaiting lips letting her know that I wanted her as much as I hoped she wanted me. I _know_ she wanted me too. I saw the way she was looking at me all night, the way she watched my lips as I talked, both of us playing the silent game of wanting, needing to reach out and to touch but waiting for the perfect moment. The thought of kissing her like that caused my breath to quicken and my pulse to race. I wanted her so badly I would do practically anything to make her mine.

I was pulled out of my little fantasy by the uncomfortable erection now straining against the course fabric of my jeans. I tried to adjust myself to get more comfortable but touching it just made it worse. I didn't want to give in but my cock had already decided on the course of action and had its own agenda. I had gotten carried away by my lustful imagination and now I had to relieve the built up tension caused by letting my mind wonder too far. Besides, I was dirty and needed a shower anyway. _What the hell_.

I went downstairs, grabbed a clean towel and locked myself in the bathroom. I started the shower and took off my clothes as I looked at myself naked in the mirror. There was no denying my erection now. It was Bella who had driven me into this same scenario less than two weeks ago. I knew it wouldn't take much since I was so worked up and it had been so long. I needed the self gratification even though there was no way it would satiate my desire to make love to Bella. I felt my cock involuntarily twitch at the thought of making love to her, of Bella touching my naked body.

I stepped into the hot water letting it run all over my skin before I picked up the bar of soap and lathered up my right hand. I took a deep breath as my left hand braced against the bathroom tiles and I let out a hiss as my hand wrapped around my cock. I closed my eyes and bowed my head letting images of Bella permeate my mind as my hand began to move slowly up and down, working up into a steady rhythm. I could see her as she was that first night I dreamt of her. She was straddling me and even though it was a dream, it felt just as real then as it did now. In my mind, I could see her beautiful alabaster skin, the white satin nightgown, her hair all around her as I reached up and squeezed her breast, running my thumb over her exposed nipple and seeing her hand come up to cover my own. This time though, I took control. I held onto her hips as I lifted my chest towards hers, my arms wrapping around her back. With the shift of my leg, I turned us both over and just before I leaned down to kiss her beautiful breasts I took a moment to take her in. And she was breathtaking. The contrast of her dark pubic hair against the lightness of her skin became more pronounced as she slowly spread her legs and her chest arched as she took in a deep breath, reaching down between us to take and squeeze my cock in her soft hand. Her rhythm in my mind matched my own as she looked me straight in the eyes and said with passion and urgency, "Edward, I don't want to wait anymore, make love to me now. I want you."

I squeezed myself tighter and my hand moved with faster strokes near the head of my cock as I imagined plunging inside of her, the warm wet water around me feeling like the warmth of her body welcoming me and tightening around me. I wanted this to go on, I wanted more but I quickly felt the full rush of my orgasm and I fell sideways against the shower wall bringing my other fist to my mouth trying to stifle the sounds I made once I reached my climax. As the last tremors exited my body, I slowly slid down the wall of the shower the as my legs shook underneath me. I sat on the shower floor, my knees bent with my arms crossed over my knees and my head resting against my arms.

I sat there for a few minutes relaxing under the hot water. Jerking off wasn't the best idea since I was so tired and had so much to do but I knew that ignoring the situation would have been too much of a distraction. At the same time I really didn't care and wished I could have made it last longer than the few minutes it actually took me. My fantasy of Bella was so real I didn't want it to be over. With one last look into my mind to cement the image of her I had conjured up for myself, naked and beautiful and wanting me, I got up off the floor and began washing my hair. It didn't escape me that I had a smile on my face and I silently admitted that that was the most amazing shower fantasy I had had since I was a teenager, one that would be making encore performances.

Maybe now that the "toxins" were out of my system, I could concentrate more on my plan rather than missing Bella, because missing her wasn't helping me solve anything any faster. Once I figured out what I was dealing with in Bella's illness, then I had to figure out a plan to convince her we could work. Hopefully I could focus now and get in a few more hours at least while I finished that pot of coffee I made.

I stepped out of the shower as I toweled off, feeling refreshed and definitely more relaxed. I wrapped the towel around my waist, grabbed my dirty clothes, and went to my room. I dressed for comfort in flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt and I made my way to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. Once I rounded the corner at the top of the stairs, I was startled to see Tyler standing by the refrigerator eating a sandwich. I felt a little embarrassed about desecrating his bathroom just a few minutes ago.

"Hey man. What's up?" he asked as he swallowed a mouthful of sandwich. "You look like the cat that ate the canary."

"You just startled me," I said as I looked up at the cabinet to grab a coffee cup trying to hide my discomfort.

"Sorry I crapped out on you today," Tyler said as he took a sip of his coke. "I drank way too fucking much last night. I was prayin' to the porcelain god this morning!"

"Damn man," I laughed as I shook my head and poured coffee adding a little creamer and sugar.

"So, what's up with you and that chick? You see some action? I noticed your ass didn't come back last night." Tyler took another bite of his sandwich.

_Yeah, I saw some action_ I thought as I turned and leaned against the kitchen counter, "No, we are just friends, well, we aren't even friends," I paused as I furrowed my brows remembering what Bella said last night. "I honestly don't know what we are," I said as I shrugged my shoulders and took a sip of my coffee.

"Dude, that sucks," Tyler said as he grabbed some chips and popped them in his mouth. "She looked like she was really into you. I would have sworn you were hittin' that. I was going to give you hell about it today but I can't kick you when you're down."

"Tyler, you've been my best friend since grade school but please, don't talk about Bella like that." I warned him, trying to fight back the anger that threatened at his choice of words. I knew Tyler was just playing around but I couldn't handle someone talking about Bella like that no matter how close they were to me. It sounded so wrong and vulgar.

"Oh man," Tyler paused as he looked up at me shaking his head, "You're really hung up on this girl aren't you?"

"Ummm…maybe, yeah…just a little bit," I smiled as I looked down feeling my face flush. I took another sip of my coffee hoping Tyler wouldn't notice my embarrassment.

"What the fuck…are you blushing?" Tyler doubled over in a fit of laughter. I knew I had been busted. There was nothing sacred around Tyler and he always saw through my weaknesses. He probably knew better than I did what my feelings for Bella were. I set my coffee down as I snatched up a dishtowel from the counter.

"Shut up asshole!" I laughed as I balled up the towel and beamed it at his head. He tried to dodge it but he was a little too late and it hit him on the side of the face. I threw my arms up over my head marking the victory of the score. Tyler laughed as he attempted to throw the towel back at me, missing me completely.

"Naw man, it's cool," he said as he continued to chuckle. "Seriously, it's about time you found somebody. Me and Mags were beginning to wonder about you." Tyler popped out his hip and gave me a wink.

"You know…wow, that was…just so wrong," I shook my head as I ran my hand through my damp hair chuckling at my friend's friendly banter. I picked up my coffee taking another sip hoping the caffeine would start to take its effect on me soon.

"All kidding aside man, Maggie and I just want to see you happy." Tyler said as he walked towards me and put his hand on my shoulder giving it a squeeze. I nodded, knowing that that was his way of saying he wished me the best and that he worried about me. Without another word, Tyler headed for the living room leaving me to my thoughts.

My exhaustion was starting to close in on me hard and I knew I had used a lot of my energy in the shower. Fuck, at least Tyler didn't hear me in there! I grabbed my coffee cup and topped it off before heading down to Tyler's office to do some more research. I knew I wouldn't last too much longer and I wouldn't have any time tomorrow to look up anything.

Once I was back in the office, I settled back down in the chair and noticed the web page I had pulled up was gone. Someone must have come in and used the computer while I was gone. It was a good thing I had stopped when I did or I would have lost a lot of time back tracking. Before I began again, I picked up Bella's notebook once more and skimmed through the pages. I loved seeing my name written repeatedly, and being the human love interest for Bella's vampire character Maria in her next book did loads for my ego. It was just another sign to me that Bella really wanted this too; she was just scared because of the secret she was hiding. If I could figure it out, we could move past it, face it together, and be with one another. I put down the notebook and read over my notes to refresh my memory on where I was. I pulled up Google again and mumbled, "Cold skinned," as I typed on the search line and hit enter. The results were not what I had expected. Almost every hit on the page pertained to vampires. "What the fuck? Where is the website with all the diagnoses on it?" I was too tired to deal with this shit. I threw myself back in the chair and rubbed my hands over my face. "There are no such things as vampires." I said out loud pointing a finger at the computer screen, feeling frustrated and drained. I reached for my coffee cup when a link to a webpage caught my eye.

"The Cold One Legends?" I wondered as I read aloud. Feeling curious, I clicked on the link. I started reading and even though it was impossible and I didn't want to believe it, there were more things on this website that fit the puzzle than all of the other websites I had been researching put together. The pale skin, the need to stay out of the direct sunlight, the inhuman speed, the superhuman strength, and the cold skin all fit together in this one hypothesis. She didn't eat when she was here so that would also fit in with the vampire theory too because that would mean that she only drank blood. _That's why she said it was too dangerous! _"Holy fuck, no! What is this bullshit?" I threw myself back into the chair once more as my hand pulled at my hair. My eyes were wide in shock as my hand moved to cover my mouth to keep quiet as the hysterical laughing ensued. My mind raced with the possibilities as my shoulders shook with laughter but as the reality of the situation began to set in, my laughter died down to chuckles and then stopped all together. The enormity of the status quo hit me, hard.

Was my subconscious was trying to tell me this was the answer all along? I thought all the weird dreams I had had were about the book more than about Bella. I didn't even know where to begin to process this information. This went way beyond anything I was prepared to handle, admit, or accept. _I'm not crazy!_ I sat there and stared at the computer screen for several minutes just taking in everything I had read, felt, and understood. _This is absolutely insane! _The pieces of the puzzle just started fitting into place without any effort on my part but delirium and mental duress continued to threaten my cognitive thinking as my eyes began to play tricks on me. I started seeing images of Bella in my peripheral vision that I knew were not there. I knew if I closed my eyes, it would only make it worse. Weird images were coming to me in quick succession and I was shaking my head and rubbing my eyes, getting agitated at myself and my thoughts. My heart ached to be with her but my mind was still trying to process the possibility of Bella being…a vampire. Did I even just think that? If she was a vampire, did she want to kill me? If she did, she definitely had that opportunity last night and didn't take it. Maybe there was another way?

_Guuuuuhh_. I shook my head in disbelief again that I was even considering this as an option but really, what other option was there? I gathered up all of my notes, Bella's notebook, grabbed my coffee mug, and made my way up the stairs to the kitchen. As I put my cup in the sink, I looked at the notes in my hands. I knew I had to be open minded to everything if I was going to make this work, but even if that meant the impossible? I opened up the cabinet door under the sink and dumped my notes into the garbage can. I knew they were of no use to me now, this had all gone to shit, but in throwing the notes away was I admitting to myself that I was at least open to the possibility that vampires did exist? I've heard that some people truly believe that demons and werewolves held high positions in the government, so why not vampires? It's easier to stomach than werewolves. Dogs may be cute, but c'mon, they're just stupid mutts! There was that whole mess a couple of years ago in Europe somewhere, Italy maybe, what was that? A parade, a festival of sorts commemorating an ancient local vampire legend where twenty or so people disappeared and they thought two American teenage girls were abducted. They had constantly spoken about it on the news for about two days, showing a plaza decked out with red banners and flags, and then nothing, like it had never happened.

I turned to head back downstairs with Bella's notebook in hand. I couldn't think anymore, I was becoming confused and delirious and I really needed to get some sleep. Maybe I could figure this out after a good night's sleep. I was even finding it difficult to walk and next to impossible to keep my eyes open. I made my way to the room where I was staying and I opened the sliding doors to the patio as I looked out once more to where Bella and I had been the night before. I was thankful to be going back to Seattle tomorrow, back home and that much closer to Bella. _My Bella..._I put her notebook in my suitcase, pulled off my t-shirt and crawled into the bed, welcoming the comfort of the cotton sheets against my skin. With an arm cradled behind my head, I closed my eyes to see Bella's beautiful smiling face beyond my darkened lids.

My heart still ached for Bella as my mind replayed the last encounter I had with her. My real encounter not my fantasized one. The one where I held her and she was close to me, and I kissed her even as she was preparing to leave. _"I'd rather you hate me for everything I am,  
Than have you love me for something that I'm not"_. I began to relax as I thought of the meaning of those words, and started to comprehend and admit to myself that Bella was the woman for me no matter if she were human or not. If she would have me, I didn't care what she was, but did she want my blood? Would that be the one thing that would destroy our chances of any kind of a relationship? If she was in fact a vampire, how bad were her instincts to feed on human blood? I wondered how much of the old folklore or legends were true. Was it all wooden stakes and crosses, or was it different? Obviously, the turning to dust in the sunlight was not true because Bella could go out during the day, so maybe....

My mind continued to battle with sleep and though I needed rest badly, the need to figure this out seemed stronger. I wondered if the legends of immortality were true. If Bella was immortal, how long had she been alive? The thought of living with Bella forever put a smile on my face. I wondered what it felt like to be a vampire. I had seen so many movies and television shows about vampires. I thought it would be cool to be a vampire and feel the rush of senses, the heightened awareness, the speed, all of it, if it were real. Who wouldn't? _I wonder if she can change into a bat._ I laughed at myself for being such a dumbass. I wondered if she would change me and what that would feel like. Would my body die? I didn't necessarily want to kill anyone but to be with someone who could never die from disease and to be able to love that person forever. Isn't that what all love wants, forever? Does it not make more sense this way? My heart could always be safe with her, we would never die, and we would never grow old. With a heavy sigh, I rolled over and gave into my exhaustion.

"Edward!! You need to fuckin' get up man!" I could hear Tyler's voice as I felt my body shaking back and forth. It was too bright and I didn't want to open my eyes. I pulled a hand out of the blankets and covered my face.

"Turn the fucking light out damn it!" I groaned as I freed my other arm from the blanket.

"Dude, that's daylight. It's fucking one o'clock in the afternoon. If your ass doesn't get up, you are gonna miss your plane." Tyler said as he shut the patio doors and locked them.

"Shit!" I yelled as I jumped up out of bed. "Be ready in ten minutes!" What the fuck happened to the night? I only just closed my eyes and now I'm rushing. Fuck! Home. Bella. GO!

I made it to the airport in time for my flight thanks to Tyler's sports car and obnoxious driving. We said rushed good-byes as I told Tyler to give Maggie my love and I went to check in for my flight. I was glad to see that my plane was on time, now that I knew I would make it. I made it to the gate just as they were boarding and felt I could finally relax once I was on the plane. I was still a bit confused from my slumber which felt as though it lasted ten minutes, not to mention the thoughts I was having right before that, but I was trying to avoid thinking about the "V" word today.

I hoped that Bella had changed her mind about us and had maybe left a message for me at The Roasted Seed. I knew that would be a long shot, but it could happen, right? If that was not the case, then I was going to call Lauren Mallory, Bella's agent and try to get a number or at least get a message to Bella that way. If that didn't work, my plan was to search out all of the Cullens in the area. She told me she was adopted and that Carlisle was her adoptive father. Hopefully, I could find a Carlisle Cullen. I knew that Alice and Jasper were friends of hers but first names were not helpful to me.

The closer we got to Seattle, the more anxious I became. I couldn't wait to get off the plane. Once we landed, I all but ran to baggage claim to get my bag and then out to my car. I was never so happy to see my little shiny silver Volvo than I was today. I opened the car door and tossed my bag in the back as I sat down in the driver's seat and started the car. The song "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon loaded up in the CD player and I smiled as I thought about how fitting the song was to the situation. _Sometimes music just says it all _I smiled as I made my way through the airport parking lot.

Once I was parked outside the coffee shop, I pulled out Erin's copy of Bella's book from my suitcase. I smiled as I looked at the cover thinking of Bella and how I met her at the book signing. It seemed simple enough in the beginning; boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl seems to like boy, girl freaks out and ends up being a blood sucking vampire! I was laughing but it really wasn't funny. I made my way to the coffee shop and stopped to see that my sign for Bella's Dream was still there. So much had changed since that day of java madness. It seemed like a lifetime had passed in just a few short days.

I continued through the front doors of the shop taking in the familiar smells of my world. There were only a few customers sitting at the tables and Robbie was at the counter. He looked up and gave a quick wave as he turned to finish wiping down the countertop by the register. He was a good kid, really tall and a little geeky but still a good kid. I was just coming around the counter when Erin came out from the kitchen carrying a bag of coffee beans.

She jumped when she saw me as an expression of surprise lit up her face. Her hands flew up to her mouth and the bag hit the floor spilling coffee beans everywhere. "Edward," she said as if she didn't know me and then looked down at all the beans scattered across the floor.

"Well that's coming out of your paycheck," I chuckled making a joke out of the situation. Erin just stood there staring at me with the strangest expression on her face. It made me feel a little uncomfortable so I added, "I was just kidding."

"Oh…yeah, right," she said laughing nervously as she carefully stepped through the beans to get to the broom.

"I got it," Robbie said bringing the broom and dust pan over as I reached for Erin's arm. I pulled her into the kitchen, away from the earshot of the people in the coffee shop.

"OK, what's wrong?" I asked leaning down to look into her eyes.

"Wrong, nothing's wrong…I just didn't expect you back today," she said as she forced a smile, but I wasn't convinced. I had known Erin a long time, long enough to know when something wasn't right.

"Bullshit! There's something else," I demanded, a little agitated that Erin would try to hide something from me. We were best friends, she was like my sister.

"It's nothing," she paused and then looked me straight in the eyes and said, "it's just…guy trouble."

"Wanna talk about it?" I asked in a kinder voice, knowing this was a touchy subject for her. She shook her head indicating she didn't want to disclose the issue to me. I was worried about her but I didn't want to pry in her private life. When she was ready, she would tell me, she always did. "I'll bet I have something that will cheer you up." I held up the signed copy of Bella's book and Erin's face lost all color and then flushed a deep red. She took the book from me as she began to laugh. "See…I told you I would cheer you up." Erin didn't say a word, she just continued in her fit of laughter.

Finally she managed to get out, "Priceless," as she waved the book in the air in front of her and I was eager to tell her the details behind me getting the book signed. As her laughter died down, I began to tell my story.

"It's kind of a funny story actually. I went to the book signing last week like I said I would and met Bella, I mean Isabella Cullen, and then she just happened into the coffee shop that afternoon and I met her friends and her agent," I started, as Erin stared at me intently. "Bella accidently signed the book to me but I didn't know it until later that night. So I looked up her book signings and found out that she was going to be in Chicago the same time I was," I paused as Erin turned quickly, putting the book on the table in front of her leaning against it for support. I tried to look around to see what she was doing but I couldn't see her face so I continued my story, "so…I went to her book signing in Chicago to get a book signed for you. I ended up inviting her back to Maggie and Tyler's that night and got to know her. I really like her Erin." I watched Erin's head drop as she let go of the table and turned around to face me folding her arms across her chest.

"That was really sweet of you to do that for me Edward," she said, not really looking at me. We stood there not saying anything as Erin continued to stare at the floor. Had she heard what I had just said? Why was she acting so strangely? The "guy" trouble must be bad, she's hardly paying attention.

"So, is there anything going on here? Were there any messages for me?" I asked and was shocked to see Erin's body go rigid as she snapped to attention. She suddenly seemed very anxious.

"Nope, nothing going on, no messages…we're good!" She smiled as she grabbed the book and walked toward me. "Glad to have you back!" she said as she gave me a quick hug and went out the kitchen doors. I wasn't quite sure what had just happened but Erin would come around eventually. She obviously had a lot on her mind and would talk to me when she was ready. In the meantime, I had a call to make. I dreaded calling Lauren but it had to be done.

I went to my office for privacy and pulled Lauren's business card from my wallet. I then dialed the cell number listed on the card hoping she would pick up.

"Lauren Mallory."

"Hello, Lauren, It's Edward Masen. Remember me, from The Roasted Seed?"

"Edward! Yes! Of course I remember!" She exclaimed. "Change your mind about dinner?"

I pinched my nose bridge as I closed my eyes. _This woman drives me insane!_ "Actually, I was wondering if you could do me a favor," I paused as I waited for her answer.

"Sure, if I can," she cooed

"It's about Bella. I was wondering if you could give me her number or if there is any way that you can get a message to her and ask her to call me? It's important." There was a short pause. _Please God don't make me have dinner with this woman!_

"Is there something I can help with?" Lauren asked

"I have something that belongs to her so if you could just get that message to Bella you would be helping out more than you will ever know." I was literally crossing my fingers hoping she would just do this for me.

"Well, I can't give out her number but I can pass along a message I suppose. What's your number?" I gave Lauren my cell number and thanked her before I hung up the phone. I pulled out my cell and made sure I had turned it on after the flight. I slid it back in my pocket and put Lauren's card back in my wallet. I glanced around my office and decided it was time to go home.

"You know what, I feel like some Chinese," I said out loud in the empty room as I got up out of my chair and out the door of my office trying to think about anything but the cell phone in my pocket, words that start with "V", and that stupid Madonna song that just invaded my thoughts…_"Ring ring ring goes the telephone…"_

**A/N:** Yes, you guessed it! Links to the two songs mentioned in the story are on the profile page for your listening pleasure! Until next time…


	10. Chapter 10 It renders you powerless

**A/N**: I want everyone to know that I take full responsibility for the lateness of this chapter! Prior to us posting chapter 9, Nicky and I talked and we had a plan. We tried really hard to prepare and I even wrote chapters in advance so that the reader would never see the break in our updates. However, neither one of us thought that life might have a different plan and that it was going to take me much longer to "get back up on the horse". Please note that it might take a little longer than usual to get chapter 11 posted but we are working on it so don't give up on us yet! So without further ado, here is Chapter 10...finally!

**Disclaimer:**** Nicky and I do not own Twilight or any of its characters, we just like to play with them!**

"Sweet blood on the razor  
Is it poetry or politics?  
Forget about the nightmare  
I'll make it a dream that changes everything"  
~_Laying Down the Law_-INXS/Jimmy Barnes

* * *

"Don't ever invite a vampire into your house, it renders you powerless"

~*~

**-:BPOV:-**

We visited with the Denalis all night. I sat there brooding in my anger as I tried to be polite and speak only when spoken to. I didn't want to seem disrespectful or rude, I just wasn't interested in anything they had to say. Up until this point, no one had mentioned anything about vampires having human lovers, but I knew it was coming. I was no fool. I knew this was all Alice's doing and I was mortified that these strangers knew personal things about me and had travelled all this way to, what exactly, impart their wisdom? It was hard enough living with three perfectly loved-up couples, now my loneliness and pathetic self was cause for an intervention from the Angelina Jolies of the vampire kingdom. Perfect little bitches who have come to school me in the ways of seduction. My mind started to concoct a way to get three new characters into my next book; three slutty sisters who eventually get decapitated by…by…a pack of wolves. HA! Take that!

Yeah, to say I was a bit mad was an understatement. Running away like a psycho from what could possibly be the greatest love story ever in the history of the world had the potential to make you a bit crabby. Apparently, I was also leaning toward over exaggeration, but damn it, I just wanted to be left alone to wallow in my Edwardless existence.

At some point during mid-morning, a black stretched limousine arrived to take Eleazar, Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper out for the day. Esme and Carmen had plans to drive over to Tacoma to look at on old house Esme wanted to renovate which left Alice, Rose and me with the Angelinas - Tanya, Kate, and Irina. Once everyone else was gone, the giggling girl-party began between my two sisters and the three remaining Denali cousins. I was so out of my element with all this so I tried to remain quiet.

"Bella, did you know that Kate, Irina and Tanya were the ones responsible for the original succubus myths?" Alice beamed. I knew exactly where this was going and Alice would pay for her ulterior motives. I began feeling uncomfortable and wished that I could snap my fingers and make them all go away or call in my pals, the pack of wolves! I had to sigh in defeat though. As much I was wishing to be saved right now, the absurdity that wolves would be able to harm a hair on a vampire's head was so laughable I knew not one of my readers would buy such bullshit. I think I had to let the puppies rest.

"Men, they are so easily bewitched and they always think with the head in their pants instead of the one on their shoulders," Kate laughed. Cliché much!

"How do you have intimate relations with human men without your instincts taking over?" Alice asked as she gave me a slight nod, looking pleased with herself.

_And there it is_, I thought as I let out a heavy sign and rolled my eyes. I folded my arms across my chest and leaned back on the couch, bracing myself for what was next.

Rosalie, clearly seeing my discomfort, suddenly became interested in the story, "Yes, do tell us!" she exclaimed excitedly as she scooted to the edge of her seat.

"Well," Tanya began, looking over at Kate. "In the beginning, before we had rules, there were a few 'incidents'," she said while using air-quotes. Killing a human for your own pleasure is an 'incident'; I'll have to remember that one!

"Yes, we just couldn't control ourselves that well," Irina interjected. "We had no reason to."

"It was particularly sad when you really cared for the human. Once we tasted the blood, it was almost impossible to stop," Kate said with a forlorn look in her eyes. "I've learned to control myself now, but in the beginning I didn't know how too."

"None of us did. But over time we learned how to make it safer and because we do value human life, it helps, it makes it much easier," Tanya said. "It's not perfect, and sometimes you do bite, but as long as you don't break the skin, no harm, no foul!" and they all giggled but me and Kate.

_I'm gonna kill Alice when this is over! _

"So, Bella," I looked up from my angry scowl to see Tanya looking right at me. "No mate for you? No one special to share your bed?"

"No, there's no one," I answered sharply as my eyes fell and bore into Alice. _Please Alice, just keep your fucking mouth shout!_

"Well, that's not entirely true." My eyes shot up at Rosalie who was sitting there with a devilish grin on her face. It took me by surprise that she even knew about my situation and it also angered me at the same time. It took everything in me not to lunge myself across the room at her and claw her eyes out.

"What Rose means," Alice began to interject, "is that Bella has found someone, but there are…issues."

"Alice…" I started before being interrupted.

"Issues?" Irina asked as she looked from Alice to me.

"Oh, I love some good gossip!" Tanya scooted herself to the edge of her seat as her face lit up with excitement. I looked at Tanya, not believing that she had the nerve to talk about me as if I wasn't sitting in the same room.

"Oh yes, Alice, tell us," Rosalie's wicked tone and cynical smile caused my anger to spill over and elicited a small growl from deep in my throat. _Unfucking believable!_

"Alice, please…" I warned without looking at her. I glanced up at Kate who was staring at me with sympathetic eyes. That's when I knew there was no stopping this. My secrets were going to be exposed and if I let my anger take over, it would cause unnecessary turmoil between the families. I sat there, feeling as if I were naked without my homework in front of the class, as Alice turned to me.

"Bella, it's for your own good," Alice said to me as I closed my eyes, trying to keep my anger at bay but feeling as if I were about to explode. _For my own good? Fuck you Alice! FUCK YOU!_

I blocked out Alice's words as she began, instead taking my mind back to Edward when I left him in the hotel room. His beautiful green eyes were looking into mine, trying to will me to stay with him. I could hear him again whispering _'Stay with me…please'_ as the hole in my chest threatened to open up again. This wasn't a passing fancy for me, why couldn't anyone see that? Why did I think I had to just sit here and do what everyone else expected of me? This madness was almost unbearable. How much more of this could I possibly take? There was no tactful way to handle being respectful to people while being disrespected in your own home. Something had to give or I was going to lose it! I heard Alice say Edward's name and it brought me out of my thoughts just in time to hear the end of Alice's story.

"She left him in Chicago and now she thinks that a life with him isn't possible," Alice reached over to squeeze my hand as I moved it way from her grasp.

"Hmmm, so sad…Oh well…anyone care to go shopping?" Rosalie stood up straightening out her dress.

Irina and Tanya stood up with her as Alice gave Rosalie a disgusted look, "I'll catch up with you later."

"Suit yourself," Rosalie then turned with a toss of her hair and motioned for Irina and Tanya to follow her. I was glad to finally see the back of them and once they left Kate quietly dismissed herself to make a call, leaving me and Alice alone in the living room. It was just the break I needed to let her know just how livid I was.

"Alice, how COULD you?" I whispered under my breath as I squeezed my arms around my chest.

"Bella, you are being stubborn and I really think…"

"It's none of your fucking business!" I growled through clenched teeth.

"But Bella…," she protested.

"It's none of your goddamn motherfucking business!!" I was yelling now.

"It is my business when I can see that you are hurting and I know that I can help!" Alice yelled back in protest.

"Help? You call this meddling _helping_? You have managed to embarrass the fuck out of me in front of a bunch of women I don't even know, who could give a shit less about me or my situation! Please, tell me how that is fucking helping me Alice!" I jumped up off the couch and began to pace the floor.

"I just thought that if you knew a relationship was possible, if there was an intervention..."

"Intervention? Have you lost your ever-loving mind! Jesus Christ Alice! The only thing that I have learned about relationships with humans from the Denalis is that after hundreds of years of control and practice, they can finally have one without killing them, without 'incidents'!" I continued to shout as I paced back and forth across the floor. My hand came up to grip my forehead as the other rest impatiently on my hip.

"But Bella…my visions tell me that you two will be together and happy," Alice protested as she stood up and began to wring her hands.

I started laughing, "Your visions!" I continued to laugh as I managed to continue, "your visions are flawed Alice! You know this!! If I made the decision to kill him, your visions would show you something totally different. You would see me murdering him and see me living an eternity of self-loathing and regret, so it doesn't fucking _matter_ what you saw!"

"It does matter! He loves you!!" Alice screamed and I froze in my tracks. It couldn't possibly be true!

"Take it back," I challenged as I felt my chest trying to constrict again. It just couldn't be true.

"No! I will not!" she said as she walked around the coffee table.

"Alice, he is not in love with me, take it back!" I growled as my arms fell to my sides with my fists clinched. I didn't want him to love me. I didn't want to hurt him. If he really loved me, my leaving would all be so much worse for him. I knew I loved him, but vampire feelings are different, human's usually shy away from loving too quickly.

"I can't take it back because it's true," she said with a grin on her face. That was it! Everything went red and my body lunged forward. Edward couldn't love me, he had to move on, she had to take it back, and she had to make it not true. I don't know what I was thinking trying to attack Alice, she knew my actions before I did of course and stepped sideways leaving me to hit the floor. This only pissed me off further. I was so angry and frustrated! "I'm not going to fight you Bella. I know you're upset but you won't get anywhere this way." I crouched to lunge again when I felt two hands touch me, sending jolts of electricity through me. I instantly went down to the ground feeling the numbing currents rendering me helpless.

"I'm sorry Bella," I looked up from the floor at Kate who was standing over me."I know how you feel, I've been there too, but Alice is right, this isn't the answer."

"How…how did you do that?" I asked as I slowly sat up trying to get the use of my muscles again.

"It's my gift. I have perfected it over the years." Kate smiled at me as she offered me her hand to help me off the floor. I was leery at first to take it but then I smiled, gripped her hand firmly, and let her pull me off the floor.

I suddenly felt like an idiot. I knew attacking Alice didn't solve anything. She could see my plan just as I thought it out, so it was really stupid to think I would actually be able to hit her. I had acted like a child and I wasn't sure what had come over me. It was one thing to argue, but fighting? That was just not like me. I walked over to Alice and told her I was sorry. I was still aggravated at her meddling but what's done is done. She just smiled and threw her arms around me, nearly knocking me back down to the ground. I was still feeling a little weak from Kate's jolt.

"I really do think we need to talk about your situation. I think I might be able to help," Katie smiled. "That is, if you are open to the idea."

I looked at Alice and then to Kate as I sighed and gave in. I was tired of fighting this, and I really didn't want to fight this if the truth be told. I was a fool to think that I could ever make it through life without Edward now that I had had a taste, a taste that I would never forget for more reasons than my perfect vampire recollection. It's one thing to not know what you are missing, to only imagine the love or the touch of another, but to have it and lose it so quickly in just the blink of an eye, to have your heart soar to such heights and then just…just…run away like I did. What was I thinking? It was right there, _he_ was right there, kissing me and asking me not to leave…

If there was even a small possibility for us to be together, I wanted to jump at it, to grab it with both hands and never let it go. I would listen to what Kate had to say, so I nodded my head as we sat down again to talk.

Kate told me about how vampires can take steps to desensitize ourselves to the bloodlust so it can be possible to control the need for our lover's blood. I had to start with being close until it felt almost overpowering, then back away until I was comfortable enough to pick up where I left off, and so on. You continue with the baby steps until you are in full control of the urges. I didn't think it would be simple at all, but in hearing it from a woman who had lived with it for such a long time, it made it all less of a fairytale.

"We have already kissed…twice," I admitted, and it felt good to let it out.

"Really, that's fantastic!" Kate said as she smiled. "It could very well be that since you have never had human blood, it might not be as hard for you."

Alice leaned over and bumped me with her shoulder and I gave her a shy smile. I would have to apologize for swearing at her, but I wish she had just seen Kate speaking with me and not the other two sisters.

There was still one problem with this plan though, and it was a big one - Edward still didn't know I was a vampire. Being with him under false pretenses would be the same as lying to him, and I couldn't be intimate with him under the illusion that I was…normal. I just didn't think it would be fair to him to not get the chance to choose. That was a definite deal-breaker for me, choice had been taken away from me two decades ago and I had had a lot of time to ponder the virtues of it. If hope could float, mine just sank with the weight of that reality.

"There is a problem with all of this," I said as Kate and Alice turned to me. "He still doesn't know what I am."

"Well, that's OK Bella, he doesn't have to know" Kate said trying to give me encouragement.

"No Kate, I can't do that. It would be a lie," I said as I shook my head, sinking back down into my disparity. "I know that the laws governing our kind keep us from revealing ourselves to humans and we can have relationships with them as long as we never tell our secret. But it would be wrong to be with Edward like that, and I won't lie to him, I won't take his choices away from him for my own selfish reasons."

"You really do love him, don't you?" Kate said as she smiled at me.

"There's not going to be much to tell," I heard Alice say suddenly, her eyes all glazed over. She was staring straight ahead and not blinking and I knew what was happening - she was having another vision. When she was like this, her lips would move but the rest of her face didn't budge.

"What do you see Alice?" I asked as Kate and I stole a look at each other and then back at Alice.

"Edward's discovering…he thinks he's found the answer, he wants to believe but it is difficult for him. He's on his way home. He knows or at least suspects what you are, that you are a vampire, but his mind hasn't fully accepted it, not until he talks to you…," Alice's voice trailed off as she started to blink and come back from her vision. I just sat there with my mouth open, not really knowing what to say. I suddenly remembered the letter I had left with Erin at The Roasted Seed. I had to get that back! If Edward read that letter he would think that I didn't want him.

"Alice! I left a letter for Edward…" Alice interrupted me.

"He won't get it," she smiled, giving me a knowing look.

"What? Why, I gave….Erin threw it away?" I whispered, and Alice nodded. Little did Erin know that in doing that she really was helping me instead of hindering me. Funny how things worked out like that. Funny how women are skanks like that! I remembered Edward telling me about Erin, how he trusted her and valued her friendship, and felt a closeness to her like she was his sister. I briefly wondered if this was the only thing she had duped him over.

"Bella, you just need to wait, he will find you and soon, but you will have to be patient and let him ask you the questions. Don't worry, he's eager to know the truth, he will ask the right ones, so you won't have to come out and tell him anything," Alice said.

"Let me also warn you Bella that if you plan to do this with Edward, you need to be sure." Kate added in a hushed tone. "Humans are naturally attracted to us, we are so much more desirable to them then we are to our own kind. If you don't plan on a long term relationship with Edward, you could completely destroy him if you ever left him. Once you begin the relationship and make love to a human, they will never leave you and if you change him into a vampire, that bond is a thousand times stronger than any bond with our own kind. You will need to be positive that he is the right one before you go any further." She was next to me now, the caring in her voice evident as she touched my shoulder.

"I don't know if I can change him," I admitted. "I don't know if I want to. I don't know if I could take his life and make him give up everything for me. He has friends; he owns a coffee shop that he loves…" I paused as I thought of Edward running around the coffee shop with this long white apron wrapped around his waist. He was always happy in this vision I had of him. Seeing him like that always put a smile on my face, but not today, not with the inferences of ending his life and taking everything from him hanging in the air.

"Well, that is something that the two of you will need to decide," Kate said as Alice squeezed my hand. "It's not just your choice. He just might have to take a hiatus for a year and then be right back in the shop loving life all over again with the love of his life beside him." Her manner was so warm and affectionate, she knew the enormity of what we were discussing and I think I was really beginning to love Kate for her compassion.

Kate and Alice left me to my thoughts as they talked quietly amongst themselves. The thought of Edward dying, even if to become a vampire, sickened me. I couldn't let him do that. I didn't want him to give up his friends and the business that he loved, give up any chance of a normal life. But what if it were possible, and he could be happy as a vampire and still have his life for a while, I think I could be happy with that. But what if I did try to change him and it went horribly wrong? What if I couldn't stop myself and I killed him? I closed my eyes as a strange feeling shot through my body, pain I think. I hadn't felt any physical pain in such a long time, but this was different, this was that sickening feeling in my stomach, intensified; this was heartache. I remembered what it felt like when I died and became a vampire. I would never forget the horrible burning that had consumed me with no relief and no escape. The thought of Edward enduring something so horrible…

"Alice, I don't think Irina mentioned it, but she has found a mate," I heard Kate say as I turned to look at Alice and Kate who were still engrossed in conversation. "His name is Laurent, and they are absolutely perfect for each other. I think she may even be in love."

"That's fantastic! Where did she meet him?" Alice asked.

"He was traveling with some nomads and they came across us one night while we were out on a hunt. Laurent eagerly decided to stay behind, he found our lifestyle fascinating. He said that the other two he had been traveling with, James and Victoria, were ravenous, like a pack of dogs, with no respect for their prey." Kate said. My head shot up when Kate mentioned James and Victoria. Alice squeezed my hand again as I felt something like a cold chill come over my body. I had not mentioned or heard their names in nearly twenty years. I was always told that over time, you tend to forget the way you were "reborn" in to vampirism. I guess I was one of those types who never forgot.

"Bella, it's OK. You're safe," Alice whispered as she put her arm around me. I felt my mind start to spin as different emotions began rushing through my senses.

"What's going on?" Kate asked concerned.

Alice told Kate the story about the night James and Victoria hunted me down in the dark alley. Alice told her how Emmett had heard my screams and they all came running, saving me from one death and delivering me into another. James and Victoria had fled and no one had seen or heard from them since that night. Remembering all of that horror made the situation with Edward even more difficult. I didn't want to become that for Edward. I didn't want him to fear me or resent me for taking his life. Even if Edward did know what I was, I didn't want to be the one that would end his life.

I got up from the couch and dismissed myself to my room where I sat in an immovable and contemplative state for hours. My mind searched out every viable solution I could think of, but somehow, I would still end up to the same place. I started considering packing up everything and leaving. It would be hard to be on my own but at least it would keep Edward safe, and _alive_. I still found it hard to believe that he had been able to figure out what I was. I was so confused and didn't know what to do. I wanted Edward with every fiber of my being. I knew I was in love with him but I was being selfish in hoping that he could possibly reciprocate that love for me knowing what I was. To ask someone to give up everything, to give themselves to one person completely for love, and then to take their life…how could I ask Edward to do that? I couldn't, I wouldn't.

I thought about the deer I fed on when I was alone in the forest yesterday when I came home from Chicago. I remembered how it had struggled so helplessly under my hands, the soft cries it made as it lost the fight for its life echoed in my head. My mind then flashed to visions of Edward, lying before me, drained of blood. His expressionless face was empty and dark, as his emotionless eyes stared up at me. I shuddered as I tried to shake the image from my mind. "Not by my hand!" I growled as I pounded my fist into my pillow.

It had become dark outside and I found myself still sitting alone in my room trying to pull myself out of my mental ramblings. Time had begun to have no meaning for me anymore. It used to matter to me and now, it just didn't. I was living out my sentence of eternity with blinders on until I met Edward. Now, to have been shown those little slivers of what my life could be like with him in it made me want to be with him that much more. He was so funny the other night when I was trying to get him into my hotel room to take care of him. I wished that I wouldn't have left him that morning. I just didn't know what else to do but run.

I heard the shuffling of feet outside in the hallway bringing me out of my thoughts as I looked toward my bedroom door. I tried to focus on who was outside my door when the movement stopped and I heard a gentle knock.

"What?" I snapped, not really wanting to talk to anyone.

"Geez Bella, chill out." My door opened and I was shocked to see Rosalie letting herself in my room.

"Get out!" I growled as she turned on my desk lamp.

She paused as she turned to look at me, cocking her head to the side, "No."

"What do you want Rosalie? I am in no mood for your bullshit," I said as I stood up, preparing myself for another fight.

"Oh sit down and quit getting your panties in a twist!" she said as she sat down on my bed and patted her hand on the comforter, silently asking me to sit down with her. I cautiously sat back down as Rosalie poised herself to talk. "It's no big secret that I don't like you."

"Humph, that's an understatement," I said sarcastically.

"Well you don't like me either so no big deal," she flicked her blond hair. "Anyway, I am not here to state the obvious, I am here to tell you why I don't like you."

"Oh joy! And I thought we were going to have a warm fuzzy hallmark moment!" I rolled my eyes at her.

Rosalie pursed her lips and folded her hands across her chest. "Whatever," she huffed as she tried to hide a smile. "Do you want to hear this or not?"

"Sure…why not!" I threw my hands up in the air as I wondered how this day could possibly get any worse.

"The night that we found you, when those two nomads were feeding on you, I thought we should have left you, even though I knew you wouldn't have made it as a newborn without our help, but Emmett wouldn't have it. He went running in there, arms swinging, with the rest of the family in tow...well, everyone but me. He scooped you up in his arms and begged Carlisle to save you just like I had done with him, and I was pissed. He didn't know the change would happen by itself, he thought you were going to die if we left you. I thought our family was perfect and didn't need another person in it, especially an unpaired female." Rosalie paused for just a moment taking a deep breath she didn't need, and surprisingly looking a little pained at what she was about to say next. "You see, I chose Emmett, he didn't choose me. And even though I know he loves me, when he decided he wanted to save you, I was jealous because I felt like he was choosing you."

"It's not like that Rose," I said, trying to downplay her fear while at the same time absolutely shocked that she was telling me she was jealous. Of me!

"I know it's not, but it is the principle of the matter, I can't help but be jealous. I watched you like a hawk. I hated you because he cared that much about you. Even now, you have some deep connection with him that I feel like I could never have." Rosalie looked back up at me with a fiery intensity in her eyes. I could tell that it was eating away at her and yet it amazed me that someone as beautiful as Rosalie could be that jealous of anyone, let alone me.

"Trust me when I say that you have nothing to be jealous about. We are just friends."

"Whatever," she said again as she waved her hand in the air. "I still don't like you." She glanced back at me with a smirk on her face. Right then I knew that Rosalie was saying her peace and she was happy with the way things were between us. She didn't like me, I didn't like her, and both of us were cool with that.

"Well, I don't like you either," I smiled as Rosalie got up off the bed. She headed toward my door where she paused and turned around.

"By the way, I am sorry for what I did downstairs earlier today. Sometimes my inner bitch just takes over and I can't help myself."

"Sometimes?" I rolled my eyes at her again as I smiled.

"Oh, and you should know that your Edward is back in town." At the mere mention of Edward's name, my senses tingled.

"How do you know that?" I asked as my brow furrowed, trying to understand how it was possible that Rosalie knew anything about Edward.

"The girls and I were curious so we stopped by just in time to see him leaving that coffee shop," she paused and looked up as if she was pondering something as her finger tapped against her chin. "Hmmm…The Roasted Seed is it?" A wicked grin fell across her face as she looked me straight in the eyes. I felt the rage building up inside of me as I jumped up off of the bed again.

"Rose…" I started but she held her hand up to stop me.

"Nothing happened, we just watched from the car, but I am telling you now, if you don't do something about that little hottie, I know for a fact that Tanya is more than willing to take him off your hands. Bitch thinks she's God's gift! See, that pisses me off and I just can't let that happen," Rosalie said as she put her hand on the doorknob. "I may not like you Isabella but…GRRR!" and with that she was gone.

I was left in a wake of shock, disbelief, and agitation. I couldn't believe Rosalie, after twenty years of living under the same roof she finally told me why she hated me so much. I guess I could see her point but it was senseless. Emmett was nothing more to me than a big brother. I loved him but it wasn't anything sexual. I moved all of that aside and focused on what Rosalie had just told me about Tanya. There was no doubt that if Tanya laid one finger on Edward I would break her in half! Fuck respect! She had no right! _Who does she think she is anyway?_ I was mad; no, I was beyond mad, I was fucking pissed! I started pacing in my room, letting my anger burn inside of me. _How dare her!_ Did she honestly think that I would just sit back and hand Edward over to her on a silver platter? I continued to pace back and forth becoming more infuriated by the minute. I started to see images of Edward and Tanya together in my mind as the rage and jealously took over my senses.

Before I was aware of my own actions, I was out my bedroom door and down the stairs ready to pounce on Tanya, when Emmett stepped in between us and picked me up off the ground in a bear hug. I fought against him as he dragged me out of the living room where Tanya, her sisters, my sisters, and Esme were all sitting with Carmen. He pulled me through the kitchen and into the den where Jasper, Carlisle, and Eleazar were visiting. I was kicking and flailing my arms like a mad woman, trying to get away from Emmett so I could get my hands on Tanya.

"Let me go!! Do you hear me?! Put me down damn it!" Emmett moved us around the couch as he sat me down, holding me in place. I was still fighting to get up when Jasper stepped in and my body went limp as my mind went fuzzy. I looked up at Emmett and smiled lazily at him, feeling myself fall back against the couch cushions. My eyes slowly trailed from Jasper and Carlisle, to Eleazar, then back to Emmett. I began to giggle a little as my mind reached a heightened euphoric state. I felt my eyes roll back in my head as my arms and legs got heavy. I didn't feel like fighting anymore, I just wanted to float on this beautiful cloud and feel nothing.

"Jasper, I think you need to take it down a notch," Carlisle said as I felt someone lift my eye lids.

"Bella's stoned!" Emmett chuckled.

"Shhhuuut…uuup" I whined as I tried to punch his shoulder.

"Is Bella alright?" I heard Esme's voice as I felt myself coming down a little from the high Jasper had me in.

"Mom!" I exclaimed as I tried to sit up.

"Oh no you don't," Emmett said as he gently pushed me back down to the couch.

"Carlisle, I can see this is a family matter so I will give you some time to take care of your daughter," Eleazar dismissed himself quietly. I watched him leave as Alice and Rosalie came into the room.

"What happened?" Alice asked, looking around at the other members of the family.

"I know," Rosalie spoke up.

"Rose knows," I repeated with a giggle.

"Jasper, you might want to take it down a little more," Carlisle suggested, and then all eyes were on Rosalie as she told her story about Tanya and Edward. Listening to her speak reminded me why I was downstairs in the first place.

"I'm gonna kill her!" I said as I started to regain my wits, but just as soon as I started to sit up I was hit again with another blast from Jasper.

"Rose, you didn't?" I heard Alice say as I tried to remain coherent.

"That was a shit thing to do Rose," Emmett said as he sat down on the couch next to my legs.

"I told her I was sorry," Rosalie complained as if it were no big deal.

"I'm going to go talk to Eleazar. He will understand and make the suggestion to his family to leave to keep it from coming to blows," Carlisle said to all of us and then looked at me and smiled. "Bella I'm sorry. It's Tanya's nature to be like that. Please don't be angry," he patted my hand and left with Esme.

Finally feeling a little more balanced, I looked at Emmett, "I made a mess of things didn't I?"

"I wouldn't say you did," Emmett said casting an angry glance at Rosalie.

"Whatever!" Rosalie huffed and turned on her heel as she stomped out of the den. Emmett shook his head and then smiled warily at me.

"Jasper, can you back off of the mind trip? I think the big pink elephant is starting to scare me," I requested as I tried to sit up again.

"No, that's just Emmett," Jasper chucked as I felt the sedation ease up even further.

"Watch it," Emmett warned as he helped me to my feet. I was starting to feel more like myself as Jasper allowed his emotional cloud to lift off of me.

"Jasper, I don't know if you want to let her go completely," Alice warned as we all looked at her. She was staring blankly for just a moment and then looked back at me. "You're going to have company…soon."

"Edward?" I whispered.

"Yes," Alice paused and took a moment to look me over, "and no offense Bella, but you look like shit. Get up, we have less than hour." She pulled me up off the couch and began to drag me up the back stairwell as she gave directions to Emmett and Jasper about alerting the family to Edward's arrival and getting the Denalis out of there.

Once we were in my room, I sat on my bed as Alice went to work. My mind wandered as she combed through my hair and we waited for Edward's arrival. _Edward is coming for me,_ I smiled to myself as I felt the bristles of the brush pull through the knots in my hair. I knew this was it. This would be the turning point if there was ever to be a life for me and Edward. If there was any chance at making this work, I would need to answer all of his questions no matter how difficult, and if he still wanted me knowing the full truth, then I would be his, for as long as he would have me.


	11. Chapter 11 The blood sucking Brady Bunch

**A/N:** I know it has been awhile since we updated and again, it was entirely my fault. I won't bore you with the details; just know that I am trying to get back in the swing of things. Special praises to n7of9 who virtually held my hand through it all and gave me some wonderfully delicious fanfic recs to read while I was on the road to recovery! Love ya BB!! She always adds a touch of spice to the chapters and makes them worth reading. Also, love to the ladies at the WA Rehab site for keeping me laughing.

Anyway, since it has been so long, you probably need an update from where the story left off. Bella was back home and fighting with herself and almost everyone in the house over her feelings for Edward. Jasper has to put Bella in a mood altering head lock to get her under control when Bella learns that Tanya has been drooling over Edward. In the end, Alice sees that Edward is coming for Bella and he has an idea that Bella is a vampire. Bella decides that she is ready to give up her fight and if Edward asks, she would tell him the truth.

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and put FTLoB on your alerts! As of today, the story has had 6,062 hits! Oh, and a link to the song _Strange and Beautiful _by Aqualung that Edward listens to in this chapter is also posted on the profile! Enjoy! :)

**Disclaimer:**** Nicky and I do not own Twilight or any of its characters, we just like to play with them!**

"Too late to stop myself from falling  
I took a chance and changed your way of life  
But you misread my meaning when I met you  
Closed the door and left me blinded by the light"

~Roger Daltrey - Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me

* * *

"The bloodsucking Brady Bunch!"

~*~

**-:EPOV:-**

I woke feeling stiff and exhausted, slouched down in my living room chair with a pounding headache. I had refused to sleep in my own bed last night waiting for Bella to call me. To me, going to bed would have admitted defeat, but I was beginning to think that falling asleep in a chair wasn't the best of choices either.

I left The Roasted Seed yesterday with high hopes that I would soon receive a call from Bella. I went to dinner, Chinese no doubt, and even got a promising fortune cookie that read _Good Luck bestows upon you. You will get what your heart desires._ I wasn't really anxious at the time because I thought that once Bella found out that I was looking for her, other than the fact that I had her notebook, she would want to call me. I was hoping the last two days gave her some time to think about us. I was hoping she would give me another chance. I went home and unpacked my clothes from my trip, did all my laundry, and turned on my computer. I continued to busy myself, all while continually checking my cell phone for calls to the brink of near insanity. There was nothing. It was very frustrating!

I finally put my cell on its charger in my room when I decided to take a shower. Waiting for that phone to ring was driving me crazy and I had to do something to keep my mind off of it. _A watched pot never boils,_ I reminded myself of what my mother used to say to me when I was waiting impatiently for something to happen. The same was true for phones; they never rang when you watched them, only when you became busy. I rushed through my shower and just as I was turning the water off, I heard my phone ring. I felt my heart thump hard against the wall of my chest as I jumped out of the stall onto the bathroom floor sliding all over the tile trying to reach for my towel. Dripping wet and towel in hand, I ran to my dresser to answer the call. I knew it had to be Bella so I didn't even look at the display as I answered the phone.

"Bella?" I gasped as tried to wrap the towel around my wet, naked body.

"Edward?" I heard a female voice on the other end of the line that sounded familiar but didn't quite sound like Bella.

"Yes?" I answered, feeling puzzled as my mind tried to place who this was I was speaking to.

"It's Maggie," and then lights went on in my head. I nodded to myself at the recognition. "Are you OK? You sound out of breath."

I ran my hand through my dripping wet hair as I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice, "I'm sorry Maggie. I forgot to call when I made it home. I went to work first thing and lost track of time." It wasn't a total lie; I just didn't want to speak to anyone else but Bella right now.

"I figured. Well, Tyler and I just wanted you to know that we really enjoyed your visit and we wanted to know you made it home safely. Give us a call sometime. We miss you."

"Thanks Mags. I appreciate everything and I had a great time. I'll talk to you guys soon…I promise." I hoped that was enough to get Maggie off the phone. I really didn't feel like talking.

We said our goodbyes and I set the phone back down on my dresser as I finished toweling off and drying the wooden floors from where I dripped all over the bedroom. As I started to get ready for bed, it became more and more obvious that Bella was not going to call tonight. I took my phone and went into the living room as I paced back and forth across the hardwood floor.

I finally decided that I was tired of waiting. What if Lauren had her own "agenda" and never gave Bella the message? That was a good possibility considering the way she practically threw herself at me at the coffee shop two weeks ago. I walked over to my desk where my computer was and stared at the brightly lit screen. _I am through relying on people. I am going to do this my damn self!_ I sat down at my desk and began searching for all the 'Cullens' in the area. I then decided to narrow my search for Carlisle Cullen, recalling the name Bella mentioned when we were in her hotel room in Chicago after we had been attacked and she was trying to take care of my head injury. She claimed that he was her adoptive father and Carlisle was a difficult name to forget, it's not often you hear it. That is when I found the good doctor listed on Fox Island. Even if she wasn't there, that was the best lead I had to go on.

I wrote down his address and phone number, knowing what I would do with it first thing in the morning if I hadn't heard from Bella. I sat down in the living room chair and turned on the television. After flipping through a few channels, I settled for a movie I had no intensions of watching and began to think of our last encounter in Chicago. So many emotions stirred in me as I thought about that night with her. That trip left me a changed man. I looked over at my desk where her notebook lay next to my keyboard. I was so tired and yet I wanted to read its contents again and smell her scent on the slightly worn pages. I closed my eyes and folded my arms across my chest, knowing that tomorrow would be the end of my waiting, as a faint smile crossed my lips. I could see her beautiful face just beyond my darkened eyelids as I drifted off to sleep.

Now that I was awake, the first thing I did was check my phone for missed calls or messages, but there were none. It was still early but I didn't care. I had an hour's drive ahead of me to Fox Island and I was tired of waiting. Bella needed to understand that I could live with whatever she was and that I was not afraid. The only problem I could foresee was if she wanted to end my life. I ran my hands through my hair wondering to myself if that would even deter me at this point. I knew I was in deep and this needed to get resolved today.

I was dressed and out the door in less than fifteen minutes. My hair was a mess and I had quickly dressed in blue jeans, t-shirt, and tennis shoes but I didn't care. Only one thing mattered now and that was finding Bella. I ran out the door to my car and began my hour long trip out the Fox Island. I purposely left Bella's notebook on my desk in the hope that if this really was her home, I would have an excuse to come back, securing myself another chance if things didn't go well today.

During my drive, I went over in my head how to approach the delicate situation of what I suspected Bella was. I needed some music while I thought so I plugged in my iPod and hit shuffle. Aqualung's _Strange and Beautiful_ began to flow through the speakers as my mind started to strategize. The various conversations and scenarios played out in my head but I came up with no good conclusions on how to present it. There just aren't any good ways to walk up to the woman you are in love with and ask her if she is a vampire. I shook my head as I chuckled, "I love you and…oh hey, by the way, you're a vampire…right?" I shook my head as I rubbed my forehead. _That's going to go over like a ton of bricks_.

At the same time, I was also aware that I felt strangely…OK with it all. I couldn't really explain it, even to myself – I mean there really is no point in trying to rationalize thoughts which include the possibility of vampires being real. I may not be ready to shout it from rooftops, but this _feeling_ I have inside is calm and not one of foreboding, not one that tries to warn you that you are making a mistake. It's much like love I supposed, intangible, surreal, but when you feel it, you just _know_. I had always heard of love being described in that way and though I wasn't altogether cynical about it, I now knew that it wasn't something which could be explained with mere words. What I felt since meeting Bella, the joy I felt in my soul the night we spent together, talking and touching, was unlike anything I had ever assumed possible. Not to mention the kissing! Kissing Bella was like – _fuck - _I felt like I could hear birds singing and shit.

As I turned onto the Fox Island Bridge, I felt my nerves had worked themselves into a frenzied state. Irrespective of what I knew I felt, I was still turning up to a woman's house uninvited. But even if she wasn't there I could just leave a message or something, anything felt better than sitting around waiting. This was Bella, I wasn't going to give up without a fight, and I felt like I would fight a pack of wolves for her. Still, my forehead began to bead with sweat as I ran a nervous, shaky hand through my hair. I took in a few deep breaths trying to calm myself down. I thought about turning around and going back home but I knew that would never happen. I had to do this, there were no other options. I came off the bridge onto Third Avenue which turned into Island Boulevard where the Cullen home was supposed to be located. There was no traffic on the two lane island road so I slowed the car down to look at the numbers on the mailboxes as my heart felt as if it were trying to beat out of my chest.

Once I reached the one I was looking for, I stopped the car in the street as I stared at the mailbox. The driveway was partially hidden by the dense forestry of the island. I sighed heavily as I turned into the driveway. The canopy of trees that shrouded the drive made it look darker outside than it already was. It was almost eerie the way the trees made it feel as if you were driving into a cave. For a fleeting moment I wondered what I was really getting myself into but it really didn't matter as long as the end result put me and Bella together. The thought that she might be this close was the force that pushed me forward.

As I reached the clearing, I saw a beautiful stone and stucco mansion nestled against the dark overcast Washington sky. I pulled to the right of the circular drive as a large black Escalade pulled down the left. I continued to pull around to the front of the house and parked behind a black Mercedes with the trunk popped open. I got out of the car just as I saw Bella's friend Jasper and a large a man coming out of the house with suitcases.

"Edward!" Jasper exclaimed as he walked up and put the suitcase down to shake my hand.

"Hello Jasper," I greeted him, feeling a little confused as to why Jasper was at Bella's house.

"Hey Edward, I'm Emmett." I turned to the big, burly man with the boyish face and shook his hand. "Bella's told me a lot about you!" he beamed as he pulled me too him to give me a quick hug and a smack on the back. _Bella was talking about me? But who was this? And why was he hugging me?_

"I'm sorry," I paused as I ran my hand through my hair, "I'm afraid I don't know…"

"I'm Bella's big brother" Emmett grinned proudly. The realization of Bella having a brother began to sink in as I tried not to give my assumptions away. _Does this mean that he is a vampire too?_

"Nice to meet you," I smiled back warily. He looked normal enough, if anything he looked more like a bear – a big, huge, scary grizzly.

"Bella's waiting for you," Jasper said, placing a hand on my shoulder and I felt the oddest calming sensation wash over me.

"She is?" I asked, not knowing how Bella knew I would be here. As the seconds passed awkwardly with neither of them answering, I looked at Jasper then at Emmett and noticed that they both had the same color eyes which were also the same color as Bella's. _Holy Shit! They're all vampires! _I tried not to break eye contact from either of them or show my fear but I suspected I was failing miserable. All I could do was stand there with my mouth hanging open, not knowing what to say next.

"It'll be OK Edward," Emmett chuckled. "Let me take you inside."

I smiled at him half-heartedly as he gave a gentle tug on my arm toward the house. My instincts told me to run, but my need for Bella put one foot in front of the other bringing me closer to the wooden and glass double French doors of the house. Emmett led me to an enormous open living area with wooden beams across the lofted ceiling and a large fireplace.

"Wait right here and I'll go get Bella," Emmett motioned for me to take a seat on the couch in the middle of the room. I sat down and looked around the room at the décor. It reminded me of my mother, old-world charm with a few modern touches. _If mom could only see me now._

Thinking I was alone, I started to feel a little at ease until I caught the glimpse of something in my peripheral vision. I startled in my seat as I turned to see a strikingly handsome fair-haired man and an equally beautiful woman standing next to me. I really was trying my best to not let my imagination get the better of me, but everything had started to feel very surreal. I tried to hide any thoughts I was having from showing my face, but I knew I couldn't hide the nervous sweating I was experiencing.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen but please, call me Carlisle." The fair-haired man smiled at me as he extended his hand and I stood to shake it. He then turned to the woman, "And this is my wife, Esme." As I shook her hand I realized she felt just like Bella, the temperature of her skin was a little off and as I looked at them both, I couldn't help but notice that they too had the same eyes as Bella. This was becoming a far bigger situation than I had considered, but everything told me I had been correct. I was now fully aware that I was surrounded by vampires. _I'm fucked!_

"I'm Edward Masen," I choked, out as I felt my legs beginning to get a little weak. I ran my hand through my hair as I looked around trying to figure out what my next move was going to be. Running would be senseless. I doubt I would make it across the room before one of them got me. Maybe I was overreacting. _I wonder where they keep the coffins._

"Hello Edward," I turned to see a tall blonde woman who I hadn't noticed earlier enter the room. She looked as if she could be a beauty queen minus the tiara and gown.

"Hello," I furrowed my brow in confusion bordering on mind-numbing fear, as the blonde stopped to stand next to Carlisle.

"No, you don't know me but believe me when I say, we all know you," the blonde said as she flung her hair carelessly over her shoulder. I was still staring at her, noticing the same golden brown eyes as the rest of the family had looking back at me. "I'm Rosalie," the blonde woman huffed as if she was put out by just being in the room with me.

"Edward!" I turned at the sound of Bella's voice. There she was, followed by Emmett, Jasper and Alice. She looked amazingly beautiful in a deep blue button down shirt with her hair pulled back away from her face. Relief flooded through me and all I wanted to do was take her in my arms but I refrained.

I walked around the couch as she stopped in front of me with a beautiful smile on her face, welcoming me with her body language and loving me with her gaze. It was in that moment, the calm and love I felt looking into her eyes while she smiled into mine, even surrounded by the strangeness I had felt just moments ago, that I knew that no matter what happened, what it could all possibly mean, whatever risks needed to be taken, I wanted to do this, I could do this, and I would do this, all for the love of Bella.

"You look," I paused for a moment, completely lost for words as I shook my head and looked down at the floor, amazed at my own stupidity. "You look absolutely beautiful." I smiled as I looked back up at her, feeling the slight heat of my embarrassment rise in my cheeks as she continued to smile back at me.

"Oh please," I heard Rosalie's exasperated voice as Bella gave an eye roll at her rudeness.

Carlisle cleared his throat behind me, breaking me out of my stupor. "Well, we all have packing to do so we will leave you two alone." I turned as all of the others began to file out of the room. I caught a glimpse of Alice before she turned to go up the stairs. She gave me a huge smile and a wink. I chuckled a little and then turned my focus on Bella as I took her hands in my own.

"Are you leaving?" I asked, afraid of what the answer might be.

"Oh, no…I'm not," Bella paused as she looked back down the hallway, "but my family is."

"Good…I mean, I'm glad that you aren't going, not that your family is leaving," I stumbled, trying not to make a mess of everything. We stood there in silence for a moment and I knew that it was now or never. I needed to get this out so that we could move forward. "Um…is there somewhere we can go to talk?"

"Sure. Are you up for a walk?" Bella asked as she dropped one of my hands and laced her fingers in mind as I nodded. The coolness of her hands was comforting. Bella then gently pulled me toward the front door and then she paused as she looked at me. "I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything," she then pulled me to her as she raised herself up on her toes and kissed me gently on the lips. My mind instantly became intoxicated with her very essence and I almost forgot what I needed to talk to her about. As soon as she released me and I looked into her big golden brown eyes, the reality of what I was here to do all came crashing down on me again. I gave her a nervous smile as she led me out onto the lawn and down a trail that led into the woods.

After a few minutes of walking, we stopped at a small clearing. Bella stood in front of me, her silky brown hair cascading down her back and my hands were dying to be tangled in her silky locks. I wanted to pull her to me and forget all of this vampire nonsense but I knew this was bigger than just a trivial issue I could ignore; this was a life altering situation that we needed to discuss in order to move forward. I took a step forward and placed my hands on her shoulders. I didn't quite know where to begin so I said the first thing that popped into my head.

"So, your family is leaving. Are they going on vacation?" I asked, knowing I was being dilatory with what I really needed to say.

"Sort of. There are some family issues that Carlisle feels need further discussion so they are going back home with my cousins to Denali to work them out," she answered while looking at me questioningly.

"What kind of issues?" I asked, not really caring, just wanting to keep the conversation going, trying to buy some time.

"Edward, I know you didn't want to come out here and to talk to me alone to ask me about my family," I knew Bella was right. She called me out and I knew that there was no reason to stall any longer. I raked my hand though my hair, giving it a little tug as I let out a heavy sigh. I took a step closer to her as my words formed quickly in my head.

"Bella, I need to talk to you about a few things and it isn't going to be easy for me to say," I said nervously, as I ran my hands down her arms and back up to her shoulders. "I need to ask you something but before I do, I want you to know that I care about you deeply. Every fiber of my being wants to be with you and I know that no matter what your answer is, I want to work through this and I am not afraid. I am not afraid of us."

Her hand came up to caress my cheek, putting me at ease. "Ask your question and I will answer it, truthfully." I felt her muscles begin to tense under my hands and I began to understand that this was not only going to be difficult for me, it was going to be tough on her as well.

"I tried to make sense of it, of you, of all of it, but the more I looked, the more I came up with the same answer. You are afraid of daylight, your skin is cold, you have super human strength, and inhuman speed...I've also never seen you eat anything but then again, I haven't been around you that much but, I can't ignore all the other things." I stopped for a moment to take a deep breath, "I know what you are." Bella's body stiffened as she took a step back.

"Say it," Bella turned away from me but not before I saw the pain filled look on her face. "Say it…out loud," she was almost begging me to tell her her secret. "Say it!"

"Vampire." She turned to look at me again at the mention of the word. "You're a vampire!" I spat out the words and was shocked at how foreign they sounded coming out of my own mouth. The look on Bella's face turned from one filled with pain to one marked by relief that the secret had been released into the quiet of the small clearing. She didn't have to open her mouth to confirm my suspicions; I could tell it was true by the look on her face. She now looked at me triumphantly, as if she had won a battle between us, one I had no idea I was fighting until this very moment. Bella shook her head as if she already knew what my actions would be now that I had my confirmation.

"Now are you afraid?" She asked as she folded her arms in front of her body and took another step back. It was then that I realized that Bella expected me to run once her secret was out. I know that theoretically I should have been afraid but I wasn't. I was too much in love with the woman standing in front of me to ever be afraid of her, no matter what she was.

I looked her straight in her beautiful eyes and answered truthfully, "No, I'm not." Her mouth fell open as she shook her head in disbelief.

"Well, you should be," Bella snapped as she turned and took a few steps away from me. "You have no idea how dangerous this is. I wanted to kill you the moment your scent first infiltrated my nose the day of the book signing. Your blood called to me, calls to me still, more than one else I have ever encountered." She turned to look at me again, pain masked in her eyes, "I have managed to control myself around you so far but I don't know if I can continue, how long I can keep it up."

"I know you can. I know you won't hurt me," I implored, taking a step toward her as a look of panic flashed in her eyes. In the next instant, she disappeared from in front of me and I instinctively turned, looking every which way to try to locate her.

"My family is different from most vampires." I turned to find Bella sitting on a boulder not far behind me. "We only hunt animals…we don't hunt humans. I have never tasted human blood but you, your blood, called to me. I wanted it and I almost lost control, right there in the middle of the mall."

"Bella," I took a step toward her and she vanished off the rock.

"But then you were there again," I froze in my tracks as I heard her voice directly behind me and felt her hand slide up my shoulder. "Over and over again you were there. You were all I thought about, all I wanted. It was almost like it was fated, like it was meant to be, but that couldn't be, it just wouldn't be right." I turned to face her and she was gone again.

"Bella…please," I turned again to try to find her just as I saw her in the corner of my eye picking up a fallen log.

"Do you realize how easy it would be for me to hurt you?" she yelled as she lifted the log and crashed it against a rock, shattering it to pieces. My mouth fell open as my eyes widened in shock and my mind marveled at what I just witnessed. I tried to reign in my bewilderment as stepped toward her.

"Will you just stop and talk to me?" I pleaded with her as she vanished again only to reappear next to me.

"You can leave if you want. I won't try to stop you," Bella whispered as she kicked some leaves with the toe of her shoe.

"Leave? Are you kidding me? Why would I want to leave?" To me leaving wasn't an option. I was in too deep and my mind was made up. I knew that as a human I should leave but as a man in love, I was doomed to whatever fate this woman was tied to. I was powerless to walk away and I had never in my life wanted such loss of power as I did when I looked at her.

"Aren't you afraid?" she asked as she looked up at me through her lashes. I could feel the tension between us ease and as the animosity faded the gentle pull of my body to hers became more prevalent. I welcomed it, gladly, like the feel of the warm sun on a cool day.

"Afraid, no," I paused for a moment as I gave her a big grin, "actually, it's all pretty cool."

"You have to tell me what you are thinking," she demanded as she pushed me against the trunk of a tree, trapping me between her arms. Her face was now serious and I knew it was time to lay it all out…for the love of Bella, I could do this.

"OK, yes, I am afraid," I admitted, and Bella let me go as she shook her head. I grabbed her arm as she started to turn. "But I'm not afraid of _you_," I paused as I took a deep breath, "I am afraid of living my life without you in it. I don't care what you are. I would rather die than to live another day without you. I'm in love with you Bella." I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her toward me waiting for her answer. Bella stared at me for a few seconds and then a wide smile fell upon her lips. "What?" I cautiously smiled back as I searched her eyes for any hints of what she might be thinking.

"Don't you have, like, any sense of self preservation?" she teased as she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"No…I don't," I whispered as I leaned in and gently kissed her. I pulled away to look at her once more, just to make sure this was real. So many times I had thought she was in my arms only to wake up alone in my bed, with nothing but tangled sheets and a hard on.

"What is it?" Bella smiled at me.

"Nothing, I just wanted to make sure you weren't another dream." I sighed as I pulled her closer to me. The spark of electricity that pulsed between our bodies made me feel happy, almost euphoric, like we belonged together. One of her hands rested comfortably on my chest as her other one slipped under my arm and wrapped around my waist.

"You dreamt of me?" She giggled as I took in the warm, delicious scent of her hair.

"Yes," I admitted as I closed my eyes, losing myself in Bella's embrace. I placed soft kisses in her hair, drinking her in, not wanting to open my eyes for fear that she would be gone again. "Question?"

"Hmm."

"How old are you?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Well, technically, I'm twenty but, actually, I'm more like forty," she said with a little chuckle. "I'm actually young compared to the rest of my family."

"Cool! I always had a thing for older women," I laughed as she gave a little tug on my shirt. I silently did the math to figure out that she must have been born around 1968-69. That would make her about five years younger than my mother. I put that thought away because it really didn't matter. She was forever frozen in time at the age of twenty. I loved her and it wouldn't have mattered to me if she really were forty. I began to wonder where we went from here. "So…how does this work?"

"How does what work?" Bella asked as she snuggled closer to my chest.

"Well, do you bite me or is there some kind of ritual, do I have to drink your blood…how does it work?" Bella squirmed her way out of my arms and I opened my eyes to see her turn her back to me. I instantly regretted asking that question and wished I could take it back.

"You don't know what you are saying," Bella spat back at me.

"I want to be with you Bella, I know exactly what I am saying," I said as I tried to turn her back around to me but she wouldn't budge. I could already feel the loss of her touch and I desperately wanted her back in my arms.

"You don't want this. It's a curse," she said in almost a whisper.

"How could being with you forever be a curse?" I must have missed something because I failed to see where the problem was, unless she didn't feel the same way as I did.

"What do you think is going to happen? I bite you and we live happily ever after? You don't know shit Edward."

"Well, then please explain it to me," I tried again to turn her to me. "Talk to me," I begged.

"You wouldn't be like me right away. When you first change over, you become something different. We call it a newborn. Your bloodlust is strong and it takes great concentration and control to not give in and kill. All you want, more than anything, is blood…human blood. There are many that don't make it and give in to their instincts. Some have gotten so out of control…they had to be destroyed," Bella turned to me but still didn't look at me. "I don't want to end your life, Edward. I'm afraid that something would go wrong or that once I tasted your blood, I couldn't stop. If I ever lost you, I wouldn't be able to live with myself," her eyes lifted to mine, pleading, almost desperate for me to understand what she was saying.

"But I want to be with you," I insisted.

"And we _can_ be together. I will be with you for as long as you will have me, just don't ask me to change you, Edward, because I can't, I won't. I can't have you give up everything for me." Bella gently put her hand on my check and I could see the pain still buried deep in her eyes. I didn't want to push this any further and I knew the conversation was over, for now.

"I understand," I whispered as I turned my face to kiss the palm of her hand. "I understand what you are saying, but I think I should have a say in the matter. We don't have to decide anything right now. We have plenty of time, don't we? Just promise me, no more running away. You do want to be with me too, don't you?"

"More than anything, I promise," she smiled at me, setting my mind at ease.

"I have to go to work but can I see you tonight?" I asked as I pulled her to me again.

"Why don't you come here? I'll fix dinner for you and we can talk," Bella beamed as she wrapped her arms around me again.

"But you don't eat." I protested as I ran my thumb across her cheek. I didn't care if she served mud pies and dirt, I would just be happy to be in her presence again.

"But you do, and besides, just because I don't eat doesn't mean I don't know how to cook," she smiled. I loved it when she smiled and I knew once again that I was gone; Bella had my heart and I never wanted it back.

"It's a date," I smiled as she gave me a quick kiss. She then pulled away as she grabbed my hand and lead me back toward her house.


	12. Chapter 12 How far are you willing to go

**A/N: **I know it has been a little over a month since I updated and I am truly sorry. There are a few of you out there that know the situation, for those of you that don't, please accept my apology and know that it was not intentional. I hope to update on a regular basis now that everything is almost back to normal again. I would also like to take the opportunity to thank everyone who added this story to their favorites and to those of you who left reviews. I know there are a lot of people reading this story because as of today, "For the Love of Bella" has had 7,526 hits! Too bad all of those people didn't review but I am still happy with those numbers. Oh, and a big shout out for my fellow WA Rehabbers!! Thanks for always making me laugh!

Now to bring you up to speed: In the last chapter, Edward found his way to Bella's home to talk to her about the way he feels. He meets her family and comes to the realization that Bella isn't the only vampire.

**REMINDER: **All chapter title songs and quotes come from the 1987 movie "The Lost Boys"

Hope you all enjoy and please take the time to review. Thanks!

**Disclaimer: Nicky and** **I do not own Twilight or any of its characters…we just like to play with them!**

"The trembling lengths  
The conquering touch  
Everything to you  
And into your flame  
I'll follow you"

~_Beauty Has Her Way _by Mummy Calls

* * *

"How far are you willing to go?"

~*~

**-:BPOV:-**

As I watched Edward's silver car disappear into the dense forest that surrounded our home, I felt a pang of sadness prick through my heart. I could hear the crunching of his tires as his car turned onto the main road and I knew tonight couldn't get here soon enough. It was hard letting Edward go even though I knew I would see him later. It felt as if we had already lost so much time and when I thought of my life going on forever in relation to his human one, we had so little time left to be together. I wanted to spend every moment that I could with him.

Before Edward left, we lingered at his car, kissing our good-byes as I felt the eyes of my family watching us from the house. I knew they were happy for us as well as concerned about me over falling in love with a human. The fire in my throat was not as difficult to control as it had been the first time I met him but I could still feel it burning, and yet it didn't burn nearly as much as the passion I felt as his body pressed against my own. It would always play at the back of my mind as to whether or not I could remain in control but my confidence was growing exceedingly stronger with each encounter. I strained my ears again to listen for Edward's car until I could no longer make out the purr of his engine. He had to be across the bridge by now.

With a heavy sigh, I wrapped my arms around myself missing the warmth of his body. Edward told me he loved me, just like Alice had predicted. I couldn't help but smile as my mind and heart soared. I closed my eyes remembering the sound of the words as they fell from his lips. I knew that I felt the same for him and yet I could find no words to speak to proclaim my love, as if somehow hearing his declaration left me completely mute. I opened my eyes and looked back down the driveway, feeling the longing for him tugging at me again. I decided that I would tell him tonight, tell him how I felt, and then he would know that I loved him too. Slowly I turned and walked back toward the house.

I spent a few minutes with my family before they left for the Denali's home. I knew why they were going which was one of the main reasons I was staying behind, besides wanting to be with Edward. According to the Denalis, James and Victoria had caused quite a stir not far from where the Denali clan lived and it was rumored through Irina's new love interest, Laurent, that their murderous path of destruction was headed to Seattle. The thought of James and Victoria being in the same state much less the same city as me made me shudder. Naturally, Carlisle offered his assistance to Eleazar in helping to ward off any potential threats to either of our families. Normally, we put on a good show and people were charmed by our good looks but, as history has always shown our kind, humans were naturally suspicious creatures. We just couldn't take the chance.

Alice gave me a little "pep" talk as Esme was writing down the phone number where they could be reached in the event that their cell phones didn't work in the area where they were all staying. "Now, I have already picked the perfect outfit for you to wear tonight and it is on your bed so that's one less thing you have to worry about," Alice smiled as she took my hands in her own. I nodded absentmindedly as I suddenly became nervous about being alone and especially about being alone with Edward. "You will need to go hunt and the heavy overcast day will be a perfect cover for you. It will rain, so go early."

"Uh…OK," I stammered as I pondered everything I would need to accomplish before Edward's arrival.

"Bella, trust me," Alice paused as she gave my hands a gentle tug. I looked at her hoping my nerves weren't too evident in my face. "Everything will be fine. You will be so busy preparing for tonight that time will fly by and then Edward will be here before you know it." My stomach did flips at the mere mention of Edward's name.

"I know Alice, you're right," I smiled half-heartedly at her as I looked into her hopeful eyes. Jasper came up and lovingly put his arm around Alice. I felt the tension ease up with his presence and I knew Jasper was giving me some peace before they left.

"Are you ready?" Jasper asked as he kissed Alice softly on the cheek. She let go of my hands and turned toward Jasper to embrace him as she nodded.

"Quit hoggin' my little sister!" I heard Emmett boom from behind me as his arms encased me. He lifted me off the ground and swung me around the room. I couldn't help but laugh out loud. _God, I am going to miss my family!_

Emmett spun me one more time and gave me a kiss on the cheek before he put me down. He gave me a big bear hug as he handed me the keys to his Jeep. Once he finally released me, I smiled up at him as I turned and almost ran into Rosalie. My smile quickly faded as I looked at her quirked brow and pursed lips.

"Just try not to kill him, OK," Rosalie said as she flipped her hair over her shoulder. "I'm happy here and I don't want to move yet," and with that she turned on her heel and walked out the door. I knew that was Rosalie's way of wishing me good luck. I looked back at Emmett who just shrugged his shoulders and gave a quick wave as he followed after Rosalie.

Carlisle and Esme said their good-byes and headed out the door with Jasper and Alice closely behind them. Just before Alice shut the door she paused, looked at me and said, "That literary agent of yours is going to call you in a few minutes…" Alice paused again as if she were trying to find the right words. She finally pursed her lips as she looked me straight in the eye and continued, "She's a bitch, Bella, and you might want to consider getting another one." Her expression softened as she waved, "Love you!" and she shut the door leaving me standing there puzzled by what she meant.

I stood by the garage door and listened to my family drive away in two different cars. The further away they got, the more deafening the silence around me became. My body was frozen in place, not wanting to move for fear the silence would swallow me whole. I hated being alone. I drew in several ragged breaths trying to mentally talk myself down from my fear, however, the longer I remained standing there the further I sank into my fear, or autophobia, as Carlisle called it. I couldn't move as my ears pricked through the dead air. If only I had turned on the radio or television before they left. I knew just standing here wasn't going to get anything accomplished and yet I still felt powerless to move. It was at that very moment that I heard the hum of the refrigerator kick in and I began to feel comforted by its sound. Something so simple and yet so overwhelmingly welcomed just the same. It was a quiet sound and yet it was enough to pull me back from anxiety. I began to think of everything I needed to do to prepare for Edward's arrival and I slowly turned toward the hallway. I made my way into the kitchen and turned on the small radio just as the phone began to ring. My quick reflexes snatched the phone from the receiver before half a ring could shrill out into the empty house.

"Hello?" I quickly asked

"Bella?" I heard Lauren Mallory's voice on the other end.

"Hello Lauren," I greeted her, wondering what it was that Alice didn't like about this woman.

Lauren went on and on about the book tour and the latest ratings and reviews on the book. I was only half listening to what she said and instead began thinking about the last leg of my book signing. _Edward asleep, Edward dreaming, Edward's kiss, Edward…_

"Bella…are you there?" I snapped out of my fantasy as I cleared my throat to answer.

"Yes...yes, I'm here. Sorry Lauren, I have a million things to do today. Everything sounds great," I lied, knowing that I hadn't heard a word of what she said.

"No honey, where are you on the next book?" she asked. I didn't want to tell her I lost my notebook even though I could remember everything on every page. _Edward._

"Oh! It's coming along great. I have my outline, a few chapters drafted, and some notes written on some future chapters," I answered.

"So, you haven't had any distractions lately and you've been working hard?" Lauren's question struck me as odd but I didn't want to discuss any of that with her. Anything I did outside of the actual signings was none of her business.

"I have worked on some intensive character studies and I think you are really going to like what I came up with," I answered.

"Hmm," was all Lauren answered, which confused me further. There was a brief silence on the line.

"Look, Lauren, if there is nothing else, I need to get going. Like I said, I have a lot to do today," I said, feeling my patience with her wearing thin.

"Oh, sure," she paused, "listen, I tried to call your cell phone a few times yesterday and this morning. Did you, by chance, loose it or leave it with someone?"

_What the hell? What kind of question is that? _"No, actually, the phone is dead and I pitched it. I will get it replaced this week." My body went ridged with aggravation as I gave her my answer.

"Oh…well, OK. Keep me posted on your progress and we will plan to meet next week." Lauren's voice became sickly sweet. She had never bothered me before but after what Alice said, something about her just dug at me.

"Sure thing, bye Lauren," I heard her voice her good-bye just as the phone hit the receiver. I stood staring at the telephone and I briefly thought over Lauren's questions. Something was up but I just couldn't put my finger on it. I shrugged it off as I looked down at the keys in my hand and knew I needed to get going if I was going to make it back in time to fix dinner for Edward. A smile crossed my lips as I thought of Edward coming back to me and I shoved any thoughts of Lauren out of my head for the time being. I raced upstairs to change into some old jeans and a t-shirt to hunt and shop in.

As I entered my room, I looked at the dress lying on my bed and felt a tinge of nervousness in the pit of my stomach. It was a simple string black mini jersey dress with a wide neck, with an empire waist, and spaghetti straps. Next to the dress sat a pair of heeled Adeline birdcage sandals. I rolled my eyes at the thought of me in heels and the fact that the outfit seemed to scream "fuck me" in a classy yet elegant, non-whorish way. I chuckled as I slipped my feet into my boots and pushed that thought out of my mind. _There is no need to rush anything,_ I told myself as I stood up giving the outfit one last glance. _Yeah…right!_

Soon, I was out the door heading for the Olympic National Forest. I loved driving Emmett's Jeep. It always made me feel like I owned the road and I loved the way the tires hummed against the pavement. I turned the radio on and the last CD that Emmett had been listening to began to play mid-song. I heard "P-p-p-poker face, p-p-p-poker face, m-m-m-ma p-p-p-poker face…" coming through the speakers. I looked at the radio and busted out laughing.

"Oh Emmett!! Lady Gaga!?!" I howled as I tried regaining my composure. I hit the disc shuffle to pull another CD to the player and heard rap music come through the speakers. First there was a guy yelling, and then the singing began. I busted out laughing again when I heard "To the window, to the wall, To the sweat drop down my balls…" I could just see Emmett's head bobbing up and down as he drove, listening to Lil Jon's "Getting' Low" and looking all Billy Badass. He didn't have to try to look intimidating, Emmett _was_ intimidating. I shook my head, still chuckling, and hit shuffle again. Nothing could prepare me for what I heard next. It was a soft acoustic guitar version of an old 70's song by Linda Ronstadt that I recognized from my childhood. I remembered it well and as the chorus began, "I'm going back someday, Come what may, To Blue Bayou…" I turned the radio off. No doubt, my brother was warped!

Once I reached the Olympic National Forest it didn't take me long to find a few deer. I tried not to think of anything as I fed. I didn't want to spoil the day with any painful analogies. I just wanted to get this over with so I could go about my day. I hid the carcasses and made it back to the Jeep before it started to rain. I checked myself to make sure there was no blood on my clothes then headed back toward town to pick up groceries. The later it got, the more nervous I became.

I had decided on a simple dinner of spinach lasagna with salad, and cheesecake with raspberry sauce for dessert. Not knowing if Edward would stay the night, I picked up breakfast supplies as well. I wanted to be as prepared as possible. As soon as I was back at home, I put a couple of bottles of Chianti in the refrigerator to chill and began working in the kitchen. It had been years since I had cooked anything. I used to cook all the time for my dad Charlie when I lived in Forks but once I was turned, there was no reason to cook unless Carlisle and Esme had a social gathering. I remembered making spinach lasagna for Charlie back when I was in high school. I was trying to get him to cut back on eating red meat. He huffed and puffed about it but didn't complain when he was asking for seconds.

I never tried to go back home after I was changed into a vampire. I missed my family and old friends terribly but I knew the pain would be too great and seeing them again would have been just prolonging the inevitable. Part of me still felt guilty about leaving them without saying goodbye but I knew they would not understand why I had to leave them. It was better this way. I just hoped that they had found peace after all this time.

After I had the lasagna in the oven and had made the cheesecake, I ran upstairs to shower and put on the "fuck me" outfit. I decided to wear my hair down. I let my hair dry naturally so it would fall in soft curls around my shoulders and cascade down my back. Edward seemed to like my hair down. I took a long look in the mirror after I had dressed and stood there gaping with my mouth open at the image I saw. I had never considered myself attractive or sexy, even after I was turned, but I had never taken the time to fuss over myself either. Alice always got on to me about it but I never really thought there was a point in trying, until now. It made me feel powerful.

"Wow," I marveled as I turned to one side and then to the other, admiring myself in the mirror. I could hear the music from the radio in the kitchen and I began to gently sway my hips to the rhythm. _Edward is going to die when he sees me in this! _I stopped as soon as I thought about the words and shook my head. _Bad analogy._

I went back downstairs to busy myself with dinner until Edward arrived. The anticipation of seeing him again was working me into a frenzy of excitement. Just as I was finishing up the raspberries, the doorbell rang and my stomach jumped. I'd been so wrapped up in thinking of the night and what I was doing that I didn't pick up on his car pulling in the driveway. I took in a deep breath for comfort and wiped my hands on the kitchen towel.

I made my way to the front door but before I reached the entry foyer, I was accosted by his delicious scent. I stopped just short of the front door's view to take it in. My one arm wrapped around my waist as the hand of the other slimmed across my lower lip. My eyes fluttered closed as I took in a deep breath, savoring the aroma. That warm mix of coffee, vanilla, and caramel with a hint of spice that made up Edward's scent which was now fused with clean soap was more than heavenly to me. I breathed in deep through my nose again and started to move, but stopped when I smelled something more. One last deep intake through my nose and a smile crossed my lips. _He brought me roses._

The doorbell rang again bringing me out of my reverie. I opened my eyes, straightened my dress, and stepped out into the entrance foyer. I could see him through the glass as I reached for the door knob. He was now standing with his back to the door. I wondered if he was contemplating leaving.

I quickly swung open the door and exclaimed, "Edward!"

Edward swung around and stopped, his eyes instantly working their way from my face, down the curves of my body and back up. He swallowed hard as I heard his heart begin to quicken its pace. His eyes wandered across my body again but he still hadn't said anything. His mouth fell open as he started speak and then a crooked smile came across his lips. He ran his hand through his hair as he nodded approvingly.

"Wow…Bella, you look…amazing," Edward finally managed to get out after clearing his throat and swallowing hard again.

"Thanks," I grinned and turned to model the dress. "You like?"

"Oh God, yes," he blurted out and then corrected himself, "…I mean, you look fantastic!"

"You look pretty good yourself," I smiled seductively. Edward was wearing a dark charcoal grey suit coat and matching slacks with a dark blue button down shirt that was tucked into his pants. The color against his eyes almost made them appear gray instead of green.

"Thanks," Edward stood there grinning like a twelve year old boy in front of his first crush holding a dozen of the prettiest long stemmed roses in his hand. I gently bit my lip and as I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Um…you want to come in?" I asked.

"Oh…sure," he shook his head as if breaking himself out of a spell and glanced down at the roses as he whispered "Idiot" under his breath. I stepped into the entrance foyer and once Edward was through the door, I closed it behind him. I turned and almost ran into him. "These are for you by the way," he paused and looked at the roses as if he were second guessing his selection. He shook his head as he looked slightly embarrassed and started to slowly present them to me, "I…uh…hope you…uh…"

"I love them," I smiled as I took the roses from him. No one had ever given me roses before and the gesture was so utterly romantic. I lifted the flowers to my nose and inhaled their sweet fragrance. I looked up at Edward through my lashes as smiled again. "They're perfect. Follow me to the kitchen where I can put them in some water."

Edward followed and I was hyperaware of his close proximity to my body. I kept telling myself that I needed to be patient, take it slow because that would be the safest and best route for both of us, but I could not ignore the desire that was overwhelming all of my senses, not the desire for his blood, but the desire to feel his warmth against me. I wanted him so much that my hands were trembling as I sat the roses on the counter to grab a vase.

I felt Edward's chest press against my back as his arm wrapped around my waist. "Dinner smells delicious," he whispered against my hair as he pulled me back to him. It was in that moment with my body was pressed tightly against his that I felt his desire twitch against my right buttock. I gasped with excitement as my eyes fluttered closed and my head fell back against his shoulder. I knew there were things we needed to talk about before we went any further and the sensible part of my brain was trying to tell me that, but the animalistic part snarled in response sending all reason to cower in the corner like a whipped child as Edward moved my hair from my shoulder and began kissing my bare skin.

I moaned as he delicately snipped and kissed up my neck, feeling my skin come alive for the first time in two decades. He gentle took my earlobe in his mouth and lightly sucked it, caressing it with his tongue. I felt a burst of heated flame erupt, not in my throat, but between my legs as Edward slowly spun me around. He looked at me with hungry, wanting eyes but did not proceed, as if he were waiting for me to give my approval. I decided now was the time to let him know how I feel. Even if I told him nothing else tonight, I wanted him to know that I loved him too.

I placed my hand on the side of his face and looked longingly into his eyes, "Edward?"

"Yes, love?" he whispered.

"I love you, too," I whispered back as I pulled him closer to me crushing my lips to his. I knew I couldn't wait any longer. I was ready to give myself to Edward, mind, heart, dead as it may be, and soul, if I had one to give. I pulled away from him and gently took him by the hand as I led him upstairs.

I made him wait outside my room while I lit a few candles, turned on some light music, and, of course, rid the room of my dirty clothes. When I was satisfied with the look, I opened the door to see him standing there smiling at me, one arm propped against the doorframe.

"Um…this is my room," I said, stepping aside and letting him look in.

"Wow! This is really nice," he said as he walked in. I gently pulled the jacket off his shoulders and laid it in the chair. "The view is incredible," he marveled as he looked out the windows to the moon lit bay.

"Yes, I picked it because it gives me inspiration," I said, thinking of how many nights I spent looking out that window, wishing for this very moment to happen for me.

"Speaking of inspiration," Edward paused and turned to me,"I have your notebook in the car," he said as he pulled me closer and ran a finger down my arm.

"You have my notebook?"I asked, "Did you read it? Well that's stupid…of course you did!" I felt embarrassed as I thought of everything that I had written in that book.

"Bella," Edward whispered as he pulled me closer to him. "It's alright, really. That notebook brought me back to you." I looked up at him seeing nothing but love in his eyes. "Everything you wrote in that precious notebook touched my heart. I really hate to give it up," he said as he gently kissed my nose. "I love you."

"Oh Edward," I threw my arms around his neck, "I love you, too!" I hugged him tightly to me trying not to hurt him but wanting to get as close to him as I could. I pulled away and gently kissed him to let him know how much I really did love him. I pulled away and he looked back at me as we both smiled at each other. Our smiles faded as his eyes moved to my lips. His hand came up to my neck to pull me closer and as or lips touched, his hand plunged into my hair and cradled the back of my head as our lips moved together. I pulled back just for a moment to warn him that my teeth were sharp. He just gave me his crooked grin and began kissing a trail across my cheek and down my neck.

One of his hands came out of my hair as he held my head to the side, trailing kisses over my shoulder as he pulled the spaghetti strap off my arm. I moaned as Edward bent down to kiss and lick the skin just below my collarbone. As he straightened himself, his hand slid up the back of my dress and cupped my right buttock. Edward groaned as he pulled me closer to him, rocking his hips into mine. He hitched my leg up on his hip and I could feel his erection twitch between my legs. His hands ran back down my thigh as my whole body began to tremble with his touch. His other arm was wrapped around my waist holding me in place as his hand continued on its path to my ass.

"You are so warm," he murmured into my neck as his hand circled my partially lace-covered ass cheek. He set my leg back down and stepped back just far enough to pull the other strap of my dress down. He traced a finger across my chest just above the neckline of the dress. His finger lingered on the drawstring. I knew that one quick pull and the dress would be nothing but a puddle on the floor, leaving me standing there in nothing but lacy panties and shoes. He looked at me again as if to get my approval. I slightly nodded as he pulled the string and the dress fell to the floor. "Oh God…Bella," he moaned as he came forward and cupped my breast in his hand. My body instinctively arched at his touch as he gently kneaded my flesh. He then took his finger and lightly teased my nipple. I gasped as I clutched him to me, not knowing how much longer I could hold out. I wanted to feel him, feel his warm skin against mine, to feel his hands and wet kisses all over my body. I needed him inside me.

I pulled back and yanked his shirt out of his slacks as I began fumbling with the buttons on his shirt. Once they were all undone, I pulled the shirt off of him and marveled at the body of the man before me. My lips began to feverishly cover his skin and my tongue darted out to lick his nipple. I started working on his belt as he kicked his shoes off and soon his trousers were on the floor leaving him in nothing but his boxers and socks. He pulled me closer to him, his hands running across the bare skin of my back as he kissed me deeply. His erection was pressed tight against my stomach and I longed to feel it between my legs.

I took his hand from behind my back and pulled him toward the bed. I kicked my shoes off as he pulled his socks off and crawled across my bed. I lay down against the pillows and motioned for him to come to me. Edward followed my path, slowly crawling up between my legs, kissing and gently biting his way up my calf and thigh. I moaned in delight at the sensations this man was giving me. He stopped between my legs and placed a gently kiss against the lace covered heated flesh causing my hips to slightly buck at the feel of his touch. His tongue licked across the edge of my underwear and I gripped the comforter in my hands. He gently blew a hot breath across the wet trail sending shudders through my body.

"Edward, please," I begged, not knowing how much of his sweet torture I could take. He continued his path up my abdomen to my breasts making sure that each one got equal amounts of attention, toying with each nipple with his tongue before devouring it hungrily in his mouth. My mind was racing as my body went into sensory overload.

"Tell me what you want, baby," Edward whispered as he licked along my collarbone.

"I want you, I want you inside of me," I gasped as I rose my hips up to rub my heat against his cock. I found myself whimpering in frustration at the thin pieces of material that were still left in our way.

Edward slipped himself out of his boxers and whispered, "Touch me."

I ran my hand between us and wrapped my hand around his hard cock. It twitched at my touch and a groan came from deep in his throat as his head fell to my shoulder. "God, Bella, that feels so good," he moaned as I moved my hand down his long shaft and back to the tip. He lifted himself up a little more and ran his hand between my legs, feeling the wet soaked lace. After a few moments his eyes locked to mine, stilling his movement. "Give me just a second," he whispered.

I listened for his breathing and his heart rate to slow down before I began slowly pumping my hand up and down on his cock again. His mouth took in my nipple and as he sucked on it I almost lost all self control. I let go of his cock and laced my hands in his hair as I rocked my hips against his swollen erection. Edward then moved from between my legs long enough to remove the last remaining piece of clothing that stood in our way.

He positioned himself between my legs and kissed me deeply. I felt the tip of him against the wet flesh between my legs. He pulled his face away to look at me as he moved his hips to enter my body. I felt his warmth slowly fill my center as my body began to come alive. Once his full length was inside of me I felt my inside walls contract, sending a wave of pleasure all through my body. I gasped and moaned as my eyes rolled back into my head. Edward slowly pulled out and began to rock his hips, filling me again with his length. We both filled my room with audible moans as he continued to move himself in and out of my body, finding his rhythm.

My hips instinctively moved to meet with his, causing a deeper friction. I let out a deep moan as my hands grabbed at him to pull him closer to me. I wrapped my legs around his as he continued to rock in and out of my body. "Edward…you feel…so good," I moaned as he kissed down my neck and began to suck on my breast.

I heard him growl as he shifted a little to push himself deeper into me. I could feel the pleasure beginning to rock throughout my body and I knew my climax was coming. I had experienced an orgasm before but nothing like this. As it began to build, my moans became louder. I couldn't contain myself, the feeling was utterly euphoric.

"Oh, Edward…I'm gonna come," I gasped as I felt the sensations going deeper in the pit of my core, pushing as it started to push me over the edge.

"Don't hold back Bella…come for me," he panted, and that was all I needed to push me over the edge. I screamed Edward's name as I reached the height of my orgasm and then my body exploded as I came, sending sensations all over me like lightening trapped in a bottle. As I started to come down, Edward sped up as he began to reach his own climax.

"Oh…God, Bella…," his body slammed into mine as I felt his warm release spill into my body. He moaned as he continued to ride out his orgasm which, in turn, brought me to my second climax before he collapsed on my body, completely spent.

We lay there on my bed holding each other as I listened to his heart return to its usual steady rhythm. The heat of his body made me feel real again, more so than just the warmth of feeding, he made me feel human. I held on to him as if I would fall if I ever let go. I knew that I could never turn back now that I had given this man my heart.

My mind trailed off to a different future. Not the one I imagined in Chicago but a more realistic one that would keep Edward by my side forever. My fantasy was that of a future which would keep us together, one in which neither sickness nor death could keep us apart, the life of a vampire. Was it so bad that I wanted him to share my life with me? To never have to mourn the loss of a loved one, to never feel that pain, that heartbreak? Was my life truly a curse if it could be lived in happiness and love forever? All these things I wondered as I held his head close to my unbeating heart. After a few minutes, he lifted his head to look at me.

"I love you, Bella," he gently whispered as he played with a piece of my hair. He had a serious look on his face and I was worried about where this conversation might be going. I knew that we needed to talk but I didn't want to ruin the moment we had just shared. Plus, I still had some things I needed to figure out before we discussed our future.

"I love you too, Edward." I smiled at him but he only partially returned my smile. Thankfully, his stomach growled at that moment which lightened the mood. We both laughed. "Let's get you feed," I said as I began to sit up. Thankfully, whatever Edward wanted to talk about was postponed for now. I wanted to live in this euphoria for a little while longer before we had to sit down and face the facts. I realized that it wasn't just my choice anymore and that Edward did have a say in his life but I didn't want him to make any decisions without knowing all there was to know.

I showed Edward the bathroom as I slipped back into my dress. I gave him a gentle kiss before he disappeared behind the bathroom door. No matter what the outcome, tonight would definitely be a night that I would never forget.

**A/N:** Emmett's playlist can be found on my profile page :)

**Update** – 11/8/2009 – Chapter 13 has been started and I hope to have it completed soon.


	13. Chapter 13 Warp Speed

**A/N:** Yes...I know....I know. I should be flogged! I promise I haven't been sitting around doing nothing. I have been working on this chapter, off and on, since October. A lot of things have happened in my life and I just couldn't find enough time to get anything written out. Poor Edward was trapped in that bathroom for three weeks! I felt really guilty and finally had to find some time to sit down and write him out of there! Hahaha! Another piece of news, n7of9 will no longer be doing the beta work for this story. It's sad, but true. :( We are still good though so it's cool. On the upside, my girl **Frenchbeanz** (also another fan-tab-u-lous Aussie) stepped in to help me out until I got another beta squared away. She's just good like that! You really need to check out her story Juggernaut **www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/4950452/1/Juggernaut**. It's one of my personal faves!! Also, she writes under her "slash-writing alter ego" **MySlashyFriend** and her story "Rough Seas" just got nominated for an Eddie!! **www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5255472/1/Rough Seas**. She's a phenomenal writer and I love her hard!

So - We last left off when Edward had come over to Bella's house for dinner after the rest of her family left for the Denali's home in Alaska. The Cullens and the Denalis were leaving to track down James and Victoria due to their latest killing spree to keep them from headed straight for Seattle. Meanwhile, Bella and Edward cooked up their own fun.

So there you have it. Sorry it took so long to update. Love me?

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters, I just like to play with them!  
**

"There's no need to tell you  
What I think has gone wrong  
There's grey clouds of dissension  
Let it show, let it show a silver lining"  
Laying down the Law ~Jimmy Barnes

* * *

"Burn rubber does not mean warp speed!"

~*~

With the soft click of the bathroom door, I think I actually began to breathe again. The euphoric bubble I had existed in from the moment Bella had kissed me in the kitchen was slowly starting to ebb away. I placed both my hands on the cool marble top of the vanity and leaned in to brace myself. I knew my legs could give out at any minute as it was sheer adrenalin that was keeping me standing.

"I'm going to go down and finish your dinner, Edward," I heard Bella call to me from the other side of the door

"OK, love," I answered, looking toward the door as if I expected her to materialize through it. I listened for a few seconds and when I was sure Bella was gone, I took a few deep breaths and relaxed as I pushed myself back from the counter, my legs feeling stronger than I thought. I ran my hand through my hair, gripping the back of my neck as I let out a chuckle. I couldn't believe what had just transpired. I contemplated pinching myself to see if I was truly awake. I gazed up at my reflection in the mirror, not able to erase the shit eating grin that was plastered on my face.

I thought I had been in love before, hell…I thought I had experienced great sex before, but none of them came close to the earth shattering experience I'd just had with Bella. I could feel her all through my body and soul; it was as if the very fiber of my being was somehow interwoven with her. I was amazed at how warm she felt and how soft her body was. I was expecting her body to be cool to the touch and her skin to feel hard, like it was in Chicago, and I wondered what the difference was. I turned on the water in the sink and cupped it in my hands to splash it on my face. I contemplated a shower as I proceed to wash myself off. A shower sounded good but I was in too much of a hurry to get back to Bella, so I decided against it. I cut the water off and reached for a towel to dry myself off.

I wrapped the towel around my waist and leaned on the sink again to stare at my reflection. I was ready to commit - I knew this. Even thought we hadn't been together long, I was ready to go through whatever hell I had to as long as I could be with Bella forever. I would miss a few things from my human life, but to me, none of that mattered. I had already dropped a few hints to Erin that I wanted to take an extended leave of absence and travel. She was perfectly fine with taking care of the business. I had tossed around the idea of making her co-owner and just being available via phone or online to take care of business. It could work. Bella and her family were able to lead a pretty normal life - outside of drinking blood, and I knew I could adjust to fit in to it, too. I would have to come up with a plan and it would have to be a convincing one. Bella wouldn't be easily swayed.

My stomach growled at me again, reminding me that I was hungry and that I was supposed to be getting ready for dinner. I finished up in the bathroom and then walked out into the bedroom to put my clothes back on. I left my socks, shoes, and jacket in Bella's room and made my way downstairs, following the delicious scent of Italian food.

I rounded the doorway to the kitchen to see Bella popping the cork on the wine bottle. She had slipped her dress back on but was barefoot, and her hair had been pulled up into a messy bun that was held in place with a black ink pen. I leaned against the door frame with a big grin on my lips. Watching her move about in the kitchen seemed as natural as breathing.

"I was starting to wonder if you passed out up there but then your heart rate never changed." Bella smiled as she turned to face me, "so I knew you were alright."

"You can hear that?" I asked as I my brows lifted in amazement.

Bella nodded as she walked past me, her shoulder lightly brushing against me as she walked into the dining room. "It was either that or you were trying to plan your escape." I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

I reached out and gently grabbed her arm, turning her to me. "As if I could ever leave you," I whispered, speaking my thoughts as I leaned in to brush my lips against hers. I felt her smile against mouth as she kissed me.

"Your food is getting cold, Mr. Masen," she whispered back as she looked up at me through her lashes, mesmerizing me with her eyes. I reluctantly let go of her with a small groan as I dropped my head in defeat. Bella grabbed my hand as he pulled me toward the dining room.

The food Bella had prepared for me was impeccable. Every bite was more delectable than the last. It amazed me that a person who didn't eat food could fix such a delicious meal. I looked up at her sitting next to me. She was literally on the edge of her seat, watching me take every bite as if she were savoring each reaction I had to the meal she had prepared. I realized that I hadn't said anything about the meal and that she was waiting on a response from me. I wiped my mouth with my napkin and took a sip of wine, before sitting back in my chair with a huge grin on my face.

"What?" She asked, sitting straight up in her seat. I just shook my head as I raised my eyebrows. "What?" she asked again with a small degree of panic in her voice. "Is it bad?"

"Oh…horrible…terrible." I tried to hold in a chuckle but couldn't help but let it out once Bella realized I was playing with her.

"I ought to dump it in your lap for giving me a scare like that," she huffed as she folded her arms across her chest and threw herself back against the back of the chair with a childish smirk on her face.

"Oh darn…then I would just have to walk around naked." I gave her an evil smile as I wiggled my eyebrows at her.

"Don't temp me." She laughed as she waved her hand at me to finish.

"The food is incredible. How does someone who doesn't eat cook so well?" I asked her as I leaned in to take another bite of the spinach lasagna.

"When you have all the time in the world, you tend to pick up hobbies. Our family lived in Italy for awhile and…," she paused and I looked up at her to see why she wasn't finishing her sentence. Bella had a pained look on her face. I reached out to touch her hand. I was getting ready to ask what was wrong when she shook her head as she looked down and continued, "…I used to cook for my dad, Charlie."

I sat for a moment, listening to the silence. I wasn't sure what to say next. It occurred to me that I had never thought about Bella having a father or a mother or a life before she was a vampire. I knew I had to say something because it was killing me to see the woman I loved hurting. I didn't know if she wanted to talk about it, but I knew eventually we would need to broach the subject, so I began stumbling through my words. "Is he…I mean…do you know…have you…" I sighed, trying to think of the right thing to say. "Bella, I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry…"

"It's ok," she said, squeezing my hand. She smiled at me warily but her smile didn't reach her eyes. "I want to tell you, I need to tell you." Bella let go of my hand and urged me to continue eating as she began telling me the story of life with Charlie back in Forks, Washington. Her eyes lit up as she told me stories about him, their fishing trips, their trips to La Push beach, and Charlie trying to raise her through womanhood. She claimed that Charlie was always on a need to know basis with her and if he didn't need to know, he didn't want to know. Less was always more. Bella said as long as she was happy and healthy, Charlie could live without all the details. She told me about how her mother Renee had run off with a plastic surgeon when Bella was four and left her with Charlie. A part of me became enraged upon learning about her mother's abandonment, but I remained quiet while Bella continued her story.

Bella said she would get birthday cards or post cards from her mother from various places around the world. "Charlie said that Renee was never one to stay in one place for very long and he was surprised that Renee even stayed five years with him." Bella shrugged as she picked at the edge of the placemat. "We received word that she died when I was sixteen," she looked at me with pain filled eyes, "plane crash."

"I'm sorry, baby," I said, trying to ease her pain as I reached over to give her hand a squeeze. Bella just shrugged her shoulders and then continued to tell me how her mother had left her some money for college and how difficult it had been to leave Charlie after taking care of him all of those years. I had finished eating, and Bella refrained from telling the rest of her her story until we had cleaned up the mess from dinner. She then cut a piece of cheesecake for me, and I grabbed my glass and the bottle of wine as she led me into living room.

As we settled on the couch, she continued, "I went to the University of Washington and I was in my sophomore year. The year was 1989 and it was Halloween, my favorite time of the year. I loved the fall and oddly enough, I had an infinite love for vampires. My friends at home used to call me Vampire Girl." She gave me a wicked smile and winked - my heart skipped a beat. She told me about going to her first college party on Greek row. It was a costume party and she had dressed as a vampire. She also told me about the drinking and how she wasn't thinking when she left the party to walk back to the dorms alone. "I don't know how I got so turned around," she said, almost at a whisper. She slowly lifted her head until her eyes met mine. "I knew better," she growled through gritted teeth, her voice growing louder as she balled her fists. "My dad was the Chief of Police! He always made me take extra precautions. Charlie always made me take pepper spray with me everywhere I went!"

"Hey, come here baby," I whispered as I pulled Bella to my chest trying to console her. I could feel her sobs heaving in her chest as she allowed me hold her for a few minutes while she regained her composure. Bella then sat up with a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. Her body was crying but there were no tears. I found it strange, but again, I didn't question it. I made a mental note to ask her about it later; now was not the time.

"I took a wrong turn. I was following the sound of music. I thought I was heading back to the party but I wasn't. I just knew if I turned and went back up a parallel street, it would take me back to the campus but it didn't." Bella gently shook her head as she tucked a strand of fallen hair back behind her ear. I could tell she was nervous, so I gently put my arm around her to give her encouragement.

"What happened after that?" I asked, hoping she would be able to continue her story.

"They were there," she said with a far off look in her eyes. "He was dirty and he looked evil and her hair was wild and it looked like fire. They were fast and I didn't understand how they trapped me in the alleyway. I tried to get away, I tried to hide but they found me. I was so scared…their eyes, I will never forget their eyes." Bella paused again as her hands began to shake. She gripped my leg as if she needed to feel me for support and she continued as if she was watching everything happen all over again. "Their eyes were red…blood red, and I begged them not to hurt me. I began to cry but that just seemed to fuel their intent. Victoria, she bit me first." Bella raised her arm as showed me the crescent shaped scar on the underside of her wrist. I lightly traced the scar with my index finger. So many emotions were running through me all at once. I could see everything see was telling me as if she were projecting her memory into my mind. "Then, James got me here." Bella turned her head to bear the side of her neck to me where another faded crescent scar hid just on the side of her neck above her collarbone.

A rush of rage came over me as my grip tightened on Bella's shoulders. I envisioned my Bella as a frightened young girl, being attacked by vicious creatures in the middle of the night when she should have been safe in college dorm room, warm and protected. I silently wished I had been there to fight the fuckers off her. If I would have been there, maybe she would have gotten away or they would have taken me instead. I knew that as long as I was around, I would be damned if I would ever let anyone or anything hurt her like that again.

"The pain came instantly - a burning fire that filled my veins and I instantly began to scream. I struggled to get away from them and the inferno, but it was no use. The liquid fire just burned on the inside, but their hands…their hands were like ice against my skin. I knew fighting would do me no good - I knew I was going to die. Luckily for me, the Cullens were walking back from a movie and Emmett heard me screaming. He saved me from one death and Carlisle helped to deliver me into another." Bella gave a tight lipped smile. "So here I am."

I leaned over gently and kissed her hair. "I wished you never had to go through that," I soothed as I took her hand in mine. "I wished I could have been there for you.

"It was worth it to have you." She smiled back as she gently kissed my lips. I knew she meant it and I was glad. However, part of me was still saddened by it.

"I don't know about that. Remember how hard you fought to stay away from me?" I chucked, trying to lighten her spirits.

"Believe me when I tell you that it wasn't easy." Bella gently shook her head. "I was around when I shouldn't have been."

I wondered what she meant by that statement. Was it possible that she was really able to infiltrate my mind in such a way that she could be in my dreams? Was she really in my room that night in my apartment? Could she cast some sort of spell on me? Did witchcraft go along with being a vampire? I looked at her, confusion evident on my face as I tried to figure out what she meant.

Bella gave a heavy sigh and looked down at our hands.

"I knew you were in Chicago before you saw me. I…" She paused for just a brief moment as if she was warring with herself and what she wanted to say. She closed her eyes as she winced. "I followed your scent back to your friend's house. I…sort of… snuck in and watched you sleep." Bella popped one eye open as if she was afraid of my reaction to her admission. I sat there, stunned for just a moment. As I processed what she said, a huge grin pulled across my face. Bella's eyes widened as if she couldn't believe my reaction to her statement. "What?" she asked as the corners of her mouth began to turn up.

I shook my head. "I can't believe it." I leaned back on the couch as I rubbed my hands over my face.

"Can't believe what?" Bella's smile had faded. "Can't believe that I stalked you and stood over you while you were at your most vulnerable? That I could have taken your life so easily?"

"No, I can't believe you were really there." I paused as I let out a bated breath. I took her hand in my own and rubbed my thumb over the top of it. "Do you know how many times I have dreamed of you? How many times I have woken up and thought you were with me? And now you are telling me you were actually there and I was asleep." I rubbed my hand through my hair, grabbing at the back of my neck. I couldn't believe she was that close after all that time of wanting her. I would have given anything if she would have just crawled in the bed with me, woke me up, something.

"Well, you did say my name once or twice. I was afraid I had woken you up," I felt Bella trying to pull her hand out of mine. "You're angry," she said, snapping me out of my mental ramblings, "and I don't blame you. It was wrong of me to do that. I shouldn't have…"

I touched my finger to her lips to silence her. "No, I'm not mad," I said soothingly as I traced my finger across her bottom lip. "I just wished you would have woken me up. I was out of my head, wanting to be with you so much." I smiled at her as I decided to make my own admission of _stalkerish _behavior. "I was going to fly to New York but I was afraid I would scare you off." Bella's face lit up as I revealed to her my secret moments of insanity.

"Really?" she asked as if she were totally relieved and yet excited at the sometime.

"Really," I confirmed with a nod of my head and a smile. Bella shot across the distance between us, taking me by surprise as her body fell against mine and her arms wrapped around my neck. I took her in my arms and held her tightly. "I love you Bella," I whispered against her hair.

"Oh, Edward, I love you too," she said as she gently kissed my neck. I felt her cool breath fan across me as she placed two more opened mouthed kisses against my skin. I heard her moan softly and I tilted my neck to give her more access. Her tongue skimmed across my flesh, giving me chills as my eyes rolled back into my head. Her lips gently nipped as she worked her way down across the hollow of my neck, just above my collarbone. The euphoric bubble was starting to encapsulate us again in its warmth and my skin tingled with the sensations of it. Bella began to unbutton my shirt as she kissed her way to my heart and back up to the other side of my neck.

"Oh, God…Bella, that feels…so good." I shivered as I became instantly aroused. I slid my other hand down her back until I grasped her firm ass, pulling her closer to me. Bella's knees slid to either side of my hips and she let out a deep growl as her hands fisted my shirt. With my hand cradled against the back of her neck, I tilted Bella's head up to until her mouth was inches from own. I couldn't wait any longer as I pulled her to me, tasting her – savoring her, as I took her bottom lop between mine. I gently thrust my hips up against her again to show Bella that I wanted her, seeking friction for my building need. My mind started spinning as her tongue slipped into my mouth and delicately played against my own. I became aggressive and pulled her to me harder, felling as if I couldn't get close enough. I felt selfish taking what I wanted from her but she was driving me insane. I slid my hand off her neck and gently worked my fingers down her throat and over to her shoulder, causing the strap of her dress to fall down her arm. I inched my fingers lightly across Bella's chest as I moved to kiss and suck gently at her neck. She moaned aloud and dropped her head back as I palmed her covered breast.

Bella's hands went into my hair, pulling my head back from her neck as her lips attacked mine. A deep groan escaped my lips as she ground herself against my hardened erection. I wanted to remove the clothes in our way and have my way with her on the couch. Her kisses became heavier as they left my mouth and trailed across my jaw. Bella's hand went under my neck baring my throat to her as a low his escaped her lips. I felt a quick scratch across my skin. I sharply inhaled my breath from the sting. Bella froze for just a moment before she gave two quick gasps - the second more terrifying than the first – and was gone. My eyes shot open as soon as our bodies lost contact and focused on her hunched over form by the fireplace. Her back was to me and she was gripping the mantle on the hearth as if her life depended on it. "Bella…"

"Too much," she gasped.

"Bella?" I started to get up from the couch as she threw her free hand up toward me, warning me to stop.

"Please, just give me a minute." I sat quietly on the couch as I watched her slowly relax. I put my hand to my neck to feel where the pain had been. My eyes widened in understanding. I pulled my hand back and saw no trace of blood but had felt a raised scratch on my neck. Bella had accidently scratched me with her teeth. I had to make this right – quick! Bella's head fell forward and she let go of the mantle. She slowly turned to me as she smoothed her hands over her dress and gave me a weary smile.

"You OK?" I asked and she slowly nodded. She walked back over to the couch and took her seat next to me again. "You know it was an accident?" Bella nodded again. "I'm not mad." I tried to get her to look at me. "You shouldn't be either." She still wouldn't look at me.

"I think sharing with you what happened to me took away some of my resolve," Bella said as she wrung her hands in her lap, her voice a little raspy. I reached for her hand and took it in my own, trying to show her that I understood. "It's just that, sharing what happened to me is hard. Opening up like that, just…letting go." She paused as she looked down at our clasped hands, "There's really no excuse – I should be stronger."

"Bella, love, it's alright, really. No blood, no foul." I said, trying to ease her conscience.

"How can you say that? I almost…Don't you have any self preservation?" Bella shot back. I thought about what she was saying and knew that she meant she almost killed me, but for some reason, it didn't even matter.

"When it comes to you, no, I guess I don't," I shrugged. "Bella, I know this is hard for you, I understand that. I want to be with you, for the rest of our lives if you will have me. There isn't going to be anyone else for me, you are it." I could tell Bella was getting ready to protest as she started to shake her head but I cut her off before she could speak."Yes, I know how you feel about it. You think it's wrong, against God, nature, whatever. I fucking get it. I don't want to argue about that now." I pulled her to me and held her close as I laid us back on the couch.

"This life is hard, Edward. I adapted easier than most, but it is still a struggle for me." Bella laid her head on my chest, the smell of her hair assaulting my senses. "Before I met you, I caught your scent…it almost drove me mad. If it wasn't for Jasper and Alice," she paused taking in a ragged breath, "I might have ruined us all, right there, in the mall that first day."

"But you didn't," I interjected.

"But I almost did. You…you called to me. Your blood was….And then when I saw you, talked to you, I thought I was going to lose my mind! I had heard of love at first sight, read about it millions of times, but never experienced it firsthand." I couldn't help but squeeze her as she said that.

"It was for me too, Bella," I whispered my admittance as she squeezed me back. We lay there for a while just enjoying the closeness. Despite the mountain before us, everything was perfect in that moment. We were in love and if I were to have my way, we would be together for all of eternity. I smiled to myself as I reached up, pulling the pen from Bella's hair and began running my fingers through her silky locks. Images filtered through my mind of Bella running barefoot across the sandy beach that was near her home. I imaged her laughing as she ran, looking back at me as I chased her down the shore line. I could see the sun gleaming off her tanned human skin. I thought about meeting Charlie. Did she have his eyes when she was human? Does she have her mother's smile?

"Edward?" Bella asked, breaking my reverie.

"Hmm?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"I was just wondering…whatever happened to Charlie?" I asked and instantly regretted the question when I felt Bella's body go rigid.

"I don't know," she answered. "I never went back. I just thought it was better that way."

"So, all of this time, Charlie thinks you are just…what? Missing?" I asked. Bella just nodded against my chest. "How old is Charlie now?"

"He should be in his mid-sixties," she said.

"Hmm…" I lay there for a moment when it hit me – A brilliant idea! "Let's go to Forks!" I announced.

"What? No…I can't…no way. Not after all of this time. It would be too hard! Charlie wouldn't understand," Bella stammered. "Edward, have you lost your mind?" She pulled herself up to look at me.

"No, I am dead serious." I smiled. "If you can sneak in and see me, you can sneak in and see Charlie."

"I don't know." Bella shook her head as she sat up. "What if something goes wrong? What if he sees me? It's too risky."

"Come on, it's brilliant. You know you would feel better if saw him." I said, trying to convince her.

"What if he's…dead?" She whispered, not looking at my eyes. I reached into my pocket and wiggled out my phone. I did a quick search for Charlie Swan in Forks, Washington, and found a news story posted a week ago about him investigating the deaths of some hikers in the area.

"See, he's alive and well," I said, showing Bella the news report. She took the phone greedily in her hands and read the story. Suddenly she shoved the phone in my face.

"That's my dad! That's Charlie!" She exclaimed as my eyes began to focus on the image on the screen. I could see Bella's resemblance in the grey-haired man. He looked tired yet official.

"See." I smiled.

"But what if…"

"Bella," I interrupted, "you need this." I watched her for a moment as she thought it over. I knew she was weighing out the pros and cons. I hoped that she would be convinced. After all this time and all of this pain and regret, maybe some peace would settle her mind and her heart.

Slowly, she lifted her golden brown eyes to mine. "Can we leave tonight? Like now?" she asked.

"Sure." I smiled, stroking her back, happy that she agreed. I blinked and she was gone. "What the…." I paused to look around the empty room.

"I'm upstairs – in my room." I faintly heard her call out. It was going to take some time to get use to her warp speed. I hopped off the couch and headed upstairs where I found Bella in her room. She was already dressed in blue jeans and a long sleeve sweater. She smiled at me as I entered and sat on the bed to put on my socks and shoes. I could clearly see she was happy. She was humming as she put up her hair up in a ponytail.

"I think it's about a three and a half hour drive to Forks from here. Maybe we could drive up, see Charlie and then get a room or something?" I suggested as I slipped into my jacket.

"It won't take me that long to get there; besides, I don't sleep," Bella answered nonchalantly as she tied her boots.

"What? Wait, you don't sleep as in insomnia?"

"No, I don't sleep as in _ever,_" she answered as if it were no big deal, as she hopped up and checked herself in the mirror. I just stood there, slack-jawed, trying to wrap my mind around it. Bella stepped over to me, rocked up on her toes, and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. "Come on, Romeo," she mused as she tugged on my arm.

Once outside, I pulled my keys out of my pocket and looked over at Bella who was standing there grinning with her hand out in front of her. I hesitated for a moment as I looked from my keys, to my car, and back to Bella. She cocked her head sideways and quirked her eyebrow.

"Problems?" she asked.

"Um…no," I lied as I rubbed my hand through my hair. I had never let anyone drive my baby before. _But this was Bella_, I reasoned with myself. I loved her more than the silly car and this was important. I dropped my keys into her outstretched palm. She snatched them so fast, I wasn't sure they were even in her hand.

"Ya know, you are a bad liar." I looked up and she was no longer in front of me but was already opening up the driver's side door. Bella threw her head back and let out an evil chuckle that sent chills down my spine.

"Fuck me," I mumbled as I grabbed the door handle. Bella was already revving the engine; I barely had time to shut the door before she took off. "Seat belts! Seat belts!" I yelled as I was trying to snap mine in place. We were at the end of the drive by the time I had my belt clicked. I looked up just as she was stopping at the main road. My stomach churned from all the swerving she did down the driveway. Bella just looked and me and grinned. I gave her a nervous smile as I grabbed the "Oh Shit" handle and closed my eyes.

"Relax Honey." she patted my leg. "I was just messing with you." I opened one eye and looked at her smiling face.

"Ha, ha…very funny." I let go of the handle as Bella eased out of the driveway. By the time we hit the interstate, we holding hands and talking about life Forks. I didn't say it out loud, but I was saying a little prayer that this trip wouldn't turn out to be a nightmare.

**A/N:** I will do my best to not let 3+ months go by before I update again. Yes, I do know where the story is going. Yes, it will get finished. :) I do appreciate everyone who has added this to their faves or story updates. This story has had 10,543 hits since it started! Imagine if all of those people reviewed! Hint...hint! ;)


	14. Chapter 14 Vampires have rotten tempers

To anyone who is still reading this, I am sorry for the delay. It has been a rough year and I don't see it getting any better. Huge thanks to all of you who have put up with me, read, put this story on alert, and especially to those who have left reviews. I appreciate every one of you! To answer your question, yes, I have every intention of completing this story. There is one more chapter left and an Epi. I also have something special planned for the Epi and hope that I can pull it off.

There are no words to say how thankful I am to Rags88 for her amazing beta skills. She is also a fantastic writer and you can find her works here www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/1875176/rags88. I FLOVE her and if you aren't reading her stories, I highly recommend that you do.

I also want to congratulate another dear friend of mine, Carol Oates. Her book just got published and I promise you, it is well worth the read! Check out "Shades of Atlantis" published by Omnific. You can find the link on my profile page.

Okay, I know, quit stalling!

When we last left Edward and Bella, they were on their way to Forks…

"Cry, little sister - Thou shall not fall  
Come to your brother - Thou shall not die  
Unchain me, sister - Thou shall not fear  
Love is with your brother - Thou shall not kill"

"Cry Little Sister" ~ Gerard McMann

* * *

"Vampires have such a rotten temper"

I knew that, once I made the decision to go see Charlie, I didn't have long to leave the house before the phone would start ringing. Alice would be watching out for me, monitoring my decisions closely, just in case. Once she saw my future and the choice that I made, she would call to either support me or try to talk me out of it. I was, however, pretty determined after I saw Charlie on Edward's phone. I couldn't help it, I had to see him. All of the repressed feelings I had tucked away hit me full force and I was going – damn the consequences.

The house phone started ringing as soon as I closed the front door to the house. There was no reason to go back in and answer it; I wasn't going to change my mind. I was glad I hadn't replaced my cell phone yet. Technology is so overrated. I knew if my family really needed to reach me, if Alice saw something catastrophic, they would be able to track me down.

Teasing Edward was fun but I couldn't keep it up for long. I could tell by his racing heart and the change in his scent that he was starting to panic, but we had a good laugh once he realized I was just messing with him. As we drove, we talked more about my life in Forks. I had not talked about my past in so long it felt invigorating to finally let it all out. It made me feel…human. However, being closed up in the car with Edward, the heat stirring the air, and his scent, made it a little uncomfortable too. It was a just another constant reminder of what I was. I was handling the temptation, and it was a lot easier, but being in such close quarters, I didn't want to take any chances. I cracked my window open, just to be on the safe side. While I loved the way Edward smelled, he appealed to me in every way, good…and bad. I didn't want to take the chance that my bloodlust would over power me. The burn in my throat was contained for now and I wanted to keep it that way. I stole a glance at Edward who was covering a yawn as he rubbed his face.

"I'm not boring you, am I?" I asked as I watched him stifle another yawn.

"Not at all," he gave me a tired smiled. "I am still tired from my trip. I haven't slept much in the past few days and the wine and dinner kind of made me sleepy." He squeezed the hand he was holding on the console between us as he rubbed his eyes with other one. "I either need sleep or need coffee and lots of it."

"Go to sleep. I promise you, I've got this," I said as I let go of his hand and ran my hand through his hair. Edward closed his eyes for a second, leaning into my touch as he smiled.

"I hate to sleep while you're driving," he admitted as he yawned again.

"Why? Because you think you need to keep me awake?" I said sarcastically as I shot a sideways glance at him. He shook his head and chuckled.

"I guess you are right," he leaned across the console to give me a quick kiss on the cheek. "I still can't believe you don't have to sleep," he said shaking his head as he slid back down in his seat. I felt his eyes upon me, I turned to see his lazy smile as he said, "I love you, baby."

"I love you too," I smiled back at him as reclined his seat back. Edward folded his arms across his chest as he crossed his ankles and within no time, he was softly snoring. It was shocking to me that he fell asleep that fast. He must have been exhausted. I started to feel a little guilty about suggesting we travel tonight until I saw the exit signs for Sequim, Washington. We were about thirty minutes away from Port Angeles, which meant we were less than half way to Forks! I couldn't stop grinning. I was almost home.

Now that Edward was asleep, I decided a little music was in order and I reached over to turn on the radio. After searching a little, I finally settled on the Season's After's cover of "Cry Little Sister". It was a remake of one of my favorite songs from "The Lost Boys" soundtrack. The original was better in my book, but the cover was just as haunting and felt just as needy. It reminded me of being in college and how "alive" I felt after I saw the movie in the theater. How ironic that a movie about vampires would stir human emotions and fond memories. I was so in love with the idea of vampires and immortality, the romanticism of it all. However, that was before vampires were real, before they'd hunted me and I actually became one. My life was just getting started when my darkest wish came true and I was turned into a vampire.

I shifted in my seat thinking about being careful about what you wish for and glanced at Edward sleeping in the seat next to me. A smile crested the corner of my mouth and I had to fight myself to put my eyes back on the road. In that moment I was reminded that if I had not been changed, I wouldn't have met Edward. I missed my human life and the possibilities that future would hold, but that was not my life anymore. My life was here and now, in this car with Edward. All doubt I had fell away as I tuned out the music and focused on the soft sounds of Edward's heart beating.

I glanced down at the clock. It was almost midnight. It would be nearly two in the morning when we arrived, provided Charlie still lived there. He wouldn't be hard to find if he didn't. He was the Chief of Police, if anything; he would be one of the easiest people to locate in the small town.

My mind started to wonder again as I curved around on the 101. I worried about how all of this would play out. What would I say to Charlie? Would I even let him see me? Would just seeing him be enough after all of this time? What if he remarried? I secretly hoped that he did. Charlie needed someone in his life to take care of him. Edward shifted in his sleep, breaking my concentration. I glanced at him, his face was relaxed and his hair had fallen across his brow. He was so beautiful, so peaceful. I smiled to myself as I returned my focus to the road and I let my mind continue to wonder.

Port Angeles came and went, but when the headlights of the car lit up the sign that read "The City of Forks Welcome You", I could barely contain my excitement. Nothing in the town had changed. I drove by the police department where my dad worked, the high school where I graduated, and the hospital where I used to be on a first name basis with all the staff. An overwhelming sense of nostalgia flooded over me as I relished in how good it felt to be home after all this time.

With a smile on my lips and bated breath, I turned down my street and slowed as I pulled in front of my childhood home. I noticed the squad car was there but there weren't any other vehicles, even the boat was gone, that is if Charlie still had the boat. However, it was the sight of my old Chevy truck sitting in driveway that was like a flag waving bright and true against the white background of the house. I never thought I would see it again, but more than that, I was shocked that Charlie kept it. It made me feel good, like he kept a piece of me even though I was gone.

Killing the engine, I stole another glanced at Edward who was still peacefully sleeping and then back at my old house. I decided it would be best to let him sleep because I really needed to be alone while I did this regardless if Charlie was home or not. I was nervous, scared, but excited all at the same time. Actually, to say I was overwhelmed would be an understatement at this point. I wasn't quite sure what I would say to Charlie but I knew I would figure it out.

Leaning over the seat, I kissed Edward softly on the cheek before I opened the car door and set foot on the marsh like front yard. Misty rain was heavy in the air. Somehow I had forgotten how much it rained here. There were no lights on in the house and I listened for the sound of anyone on the inside. I heard nothing, not even a heartbeat. I slowly walked up to the tree in front of the porch and smiled as I thought about all the times my father had chased me around it. I placed my hand on the tree feeling the cold, soggy bark underneath my fingertips. Deep, heaving breaths came forward as I leaned into the tree, my forehead meeting its rain soaked surface. My soul felt as though it was cracking open as the quiet, tearless sobs welled up from my chest. The rain began to fall harder, as if Forks knew I couldn't cry tears for myself so it would weep for me, welcoming me home after all of these years.

I drew in a few calming breaths trying to regain my composure. Now was not the time to breakdown. I finally pulled myself away from the tree and made my way around my old home, listening for sounds from inside the house. There was nothing but the hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen. I came back around to the front door and listened for a brief moment more before I started feeling along the trim of the doorway. We used to keep a spare key hidden in a little built in compartment over the front door. Charlie would never go for leaving the key on the ledge or under the flowerpot but he always wanted to leave a key, just in case I had forgotten mine some day. My fingers felt the little door of the compartment and pushed in. The key was still there. I couldn't help but smile as I held the small brass key in my hand.

I stood on the front porch and removed my boots and my jacket so I wouldn't get water or mud on the inside of the house. Charlie would definitely notice. I shook the rain out of my hair and quickly dried it on the inside of my jacket. I dropped my jacket next to my boots on the front porch and turned toward the door. _Here goes nothing_, I thought to myself.

I unlocked the door and slipped inside the house, closing the door behind me as I stuffed the key in my pocket. The rain was hitting the sides of the house, cutting through the silence of the empty rooms like a softy melody. Many nights I had fallen asleep listening to that very same sound. I inhaled deeply though my nose as I took in the slightly musky scent of the old wooden floors, Charlie's cologne, gun oil, and a hint of beer. I knew Charlie wasn't home but I was still careful not to make much noise. I took another deep breath through my nose, welcoming the familiar scents as my eyes scanned the bottom floor of my old home. Nothing had changed. Everything was just as I remembered it. I moved forward, quietly going from room to room as all kinds of emotions began bubbling to the surface.

I felt happiness as I saw the warm yellow of the kitchen cabinets, the soft faded leather of Charlie's chair in the den, and the pictures of us on the mantel. I missed it, all of it. I went through all of the rooms on the first floor, taking it all in. Ghosts of my past were slipping through my mind as if they had just happened yesterday. I couldn't believe I was finally home.

Once I was back in the hallway, I paused at the bottom of the stairs rubbing my hand on the smooth surface of the old wooden banister. I became overwrought with excitement and longing for this life to be real again. I wanted Christmases and birthdays and doldrums of daily life in this small town.

I slowly began my ascent up the stairs, still being cautious, not because I was afraid Charlie was there, because I knew he wasn't, but because I wanted to savor this return home. It had been so long since I had been in this house. With each step it became harder to make myself remember that my time here was limited. But I was here now and I wanted to make sure I recommitted ever creak in the floor, every familiar scent, every imperfection in the paint to memory. Ultimately, that would be all I would have to take with me.

When I reached the top of the stairs, I turned to Charlie's room. The bed was a tussled mess and there were clothes scattered around the room. A small chuckle escaped my lips as I shook my head. "Typical Charlie," I mused. I closed my eyes and took in a deep lung full of air, pulling my father's scent to me. A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth, his scent was the strongest here and I could almost feel the warmth of his arms around me. I cast another gaze across the room and started to enter, but stopped myself. My dad was still a cop and if anything was out of place here, he would know it. As much as it pained me, I backed out of the room and turned back into the hallway.

Once my eyes landed the closed door on the other side of the hallway, the one that led to my room, my body locked into place. I swallowed heavily as I listened to the rain hit the roof, my eyes never leaving my door. It was ironic how I had spent my teenage years trying to get out of this house, out of that room, out of Forks, and now, here I stood, desperately wanting back in to this house, that room, and this life again. I was so stupid back them. I should have never left in the first place.

I inched forward, my hand reaching for the doorknob. The need to be inside that room was now overpowering me. I knew I couldn't stay, but for a moment, I could pretend. I needed this, needed to feel this. The cool metal of the doorknob was in my hand and I swallowed thickly.

_Okay, I can do this. Just remember where everything is and make sure it looks the same when you leave_, I thought to myself. Realizing I was tensed up, I tried to relax my body by rolling my shoulders and popping my neck. It didn't help my nerves, but I couldn't take the anticipation any longer. I twisted the knob as I closed my eyes and held my breath. The door opened with a quiet _whoosh._ I stepped inside my old doorway and slowly opened my eyes.

Everything hit me at once and my body swayed from the assault of emotions that took me over. I was rarely, if ever, unsteady on my feet, but I felt as if I might collapse on the floor. My hand flew to the door's frame as I tried to steady myself. My room was just as I remembered it, nothing had changed. The bed was made with the purple and black bedspread Charlie had purchased for me as a surprise when I turned seventeen. The Christmas lights were still strung up on the wall, just as they were when I left along with a few paintings I did when I was a child. Faded pictures of my old friends were still pinned up on the corkboard across the room; even my old rocking chair was still in the corner.

I went through the room, seeing and touching everything. The room seemed to welcome me back after all these years. It was as if my very soul still existed here and I could feel it all around me. It was definitely a bittersweet experience. I paused as I came to my desk, my fingertips lightly caressing the dark wood thinking of the countless hours I would sit in this very spot doing homework, writing, or reading books. At the corner of the desk, there were several worn notebooks stacked neatly against the wall, held in place by wooden bookends. Being curious, I picked one up and flipped it open to the first page. An audible gasped slipped out of my mouth as the shock of what was in the notebook stung my heart. Nothing could have prepared me for what was contained in those bound sheets of paper.

There, on the pages, in Charlie's handwriting, were letters to me. Pages and pages of letters written like journal entries. I dropped the notebook I was holding on the desk as if my hands had been burnt. I slowly lifted my eyes from the handwritten pages and to the other notebooks stacked on the desk. There twenty-three more notebooks of various sizes between the bookends and one lying on the desk under the one I had dropped. I lurched forward, grabbing for the other notebooks, they were all the same, stacked in date order.

"My God," I whispered in the quiet room. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. _There had to be twenty years of letters here, _I thought as I reached down and picked up the notebook with the earliest year. Upon opening the notebook to the first page, I found that the first entry was May 13, 1991, exactly one year, five months and fourteen days after I disappeared – after I was turned.

My hands began to shake a little as I stared at the words on the page. I knew I shouldn't read what Charlie had written, but I couldn't help it. I inhaled and released a deep breath trying to remain calm as I began with the first entry:

May 13, 1991

Bells,

Well, the therapist said it would be good for me to maybe keep a journal of some sort to help me deal with all of this. I'm not in to all of that girly stuff so I finally agreed to writing letters – it doesn't sound as flowery. It still isn't any easier even though I am writing and not talking. You know I never was one much for words. Anyway, you've been gone for over a year now and they still don't have a break in your case. No leads, no clues, nothing. I feel kinda helpless here Bells and I don't know what to do. You just disappeared into thin air. I refuse to believe that you're not coming home even though I know that's what everyone is thinking. I just want to believe you are out there, waiting to be found. I know you are alive. I can't let myself think anything else. Hope is all I have right now.

Well, that's enough of that. I guess I just have one more thing to say and that's I miss you Bells. It sure is lonely here without you.

Love always,

Dad

Without warning, the sobs ripped through my chest, breaking through the silence of the room. I closed the notebook and held it to my chest as my shoulders shook. "I'm here dad," I whispered against the silence. "I'm here and I miss you too." I was gasping for breaths as I braced myself against the desk trying to keep myself from falling to the floor. This was more than I could handle, too much pain, too much sadness. I couldn't take it all in. The thought of Charlie living all of those years alone without me, it killed me and I caused it all.

I silently sobbed as I sat down in my desk chair. I felt so helpless and it took me a while to calm myself down. I had to keep telling myself that Charlie was still alive and even though he was hurting, he was still living his life. That was the most important part.

After flipping through a few of the notebooks, I decided to put all the books back on the shelf in date order except for the one that was already out on the desk. I flipped it open finding that its latest entry was from yesterday. According to Charlie's most recent "letter" to me, he had left with Billy Black on a two day fishing tournament. The letter was upbeat and funny, and I couldn't help but laugh at Charlie's jokes about how Billy's wolf howling would end up scaring all the fish away. This gave me all the answers I needed. I knew what I had to do.

I closed the notebook with a sad and forlorn feeling in my heart. I was starting to feel grateful that Charlie wasn't home and really selfish for coming here. It had been twenty years since I had disappeared and Charlie had learned to cope with it. Coming back now, would only cause him more heartache, especially once he discovered what I was. I couldn't do that to him. I wouldn't do that to him.

"What was I thinking?" I shook my head as I took another glance around my old room. It would crush him if I showed up now and revealed myself for what I was. In this case, Charlie didn't need to know. "You could have given him a heart attack. You had no business doing this to him. He's human, to him you're…you're a monster!"I berated myself. I inhaled deeply as my I became more set in my resolve. This would be the last time I would ever touch my old life again. It hurt me, but this is how it had to be, Charlie's sake.

The rain had slacked off outside, but I could still hear the wind. Glancing at the window, I was startled to see the dim light coming through the curtains signaling that dawn was approaching. I knew I needed to leave before the neighbors woke up and saw the strange car parked outside of Charlie's house. The whole Fork's Police squad would be here in two minutes flat. Also, Edward would be waking up soon and I wanted to get back on the road before he had the chance to try and talk me into staying. Remembering that I had Edward in my life now took some of the pain away. He would make it easier to let this life go. Just thinking of him made me feel at peace. I would love him for as long as he would have me.

As I turned to leave, feeling satisfied that I had left everything seemingly untouched; a jar sitting on my old nightstand caught my eye. I ghosted across the room to the table beside my bed. The jar was filled with stones that Charlie and I had collected together during one of our trips to First Beach in La Push. I carefully reached in the glass jar and pulled out a smooth dark stone with white marbled streaks running through it that reminded me of lightening. I rubbed the rock between my thumb and forefinger, remembering that day on the beach as if it were yesterday. The smooth texture against my skin relaxed me and it was then that I made the decision to take the stone with me. I slipped it in my front pocket next to the key, satisfied that Charlie would not be able to detect that a stone was missing and walked back to the open doorway.

The light coming from the widow was now a dark blue and I knew I had to hurry. I stole one last look into my previous life before I shut the door to it, forever. Then I proceed to retrace my steps, making sure nothing was out of place and there was no water on the floor. I paused by the front door before I went out because Charlie's police jacket was hanging on the hook attached to the wall by the door. Somehow I had missed it when I had come in which surprised me. I reached up, fisting the stiff, dark fabric in my hands and pulled the jacket to me. Charlie's scent was all over it and I couldn't help but smile as a seemingly warm sensation of familiarity filled my body again.

I hugged the jacket to my chest as I closed my eyes and whispered softly, "I love you, dad." I knew I was saying goodbye and I finally felt I was able to let go. There was silence but I wasn't afraid. I was ready and it had to be done. With a new found strength, I put Charlie's coat back on the hook and stepped out onto the front porch, locking the door behind me. Pulling the key out of my pocket, I put it back in its secret compartment making sure it was left just as I found it. _Charlie will never know_, I thought as I quickly put my jacket and shoes on.

Just as I stood to step off the front porch, I inhaled through my nose to take in the dampness in the air one last time. The moist air was not the only scent I picked up on. My hair on my skin stood on end as I was assaulted by a familiar scent. It was one I knew well, it was a vampire, but not one I recognized. A low growl rumbled through my chest. I leapt from the porch to the ground and flew half way across the yard only to stop short, my feet sliding a little in the wet Earth as I came to a halt. Edward was still asleep in the car and everything was still, but something wasn't right, something felt off. I felt a presence behind me and knew it was the other vampire. My spine stiffened as I growled again, preparing to spin around and fight if needed.

"Uh…uh…uh…not so fast," the voice whispered next to my ear. My eyes closed as a chill went down my spine. I would know that voice anywhere – James. My skin prickled with a mixture of fear and anger. I didn't know which emotion was stronger at this point until I thought about Edward in the car. Fear.

A small gasp passed my lips as my eyes opened and focused on Edward in the car. My body tensed as I started to move forward. I had to get to him, protect him. Before my muscles could propel me forward, James grabbed me around my waist.

"Don't even think about it," he hissed as my body slammed back in to his. I started to struggle when I caught another scent and movement out of the corner of my eye. A flash of red ghosted across the yard and stopped by the car. A shiver ran through me as I came to the realization that the thing I was seeing was James's mate, Victoria. She turned to look at me as a devilish smile crossed her features. Fear prickled up my spine as Victoria opened the passenger side door and yanked Edward up to his feet.

"What the hell?" Edward called out, startled as he was pulled through the air and slammed face first against the side of the car. Victoria had his arms locked behind his back with one arm and clutching his face with her other hand.

"Please…don't," I begged as James began to move in front of me. His face had dirt smeared across it and his clothes were grungy. His hair was tied back with loose strands hanging on the sides of his face. The eyes were what I remembered the most, the burning red eyes of my attacker. My gaze shifted from him to Victoria and her flaming red, leaf ridden hair waving wildly down her back. It was like a bright beacon in the pale early morning light. I glanced at Edward, feeling remorse for involving him. If he died, I would have to find a way to end my own life. I couldn't live without him. I looked back at James and tried hide the emotions I was feeling. It wasn't easy because my worst nightmares were coming to life.

"Bella?" Edward called out to me causing my heart to break even further. I wanted to take him away from this, make him safe, but there was no way to do that. I was out numbered and Victoria literally held my life in her hands.

"Awww…Bella," Victoria taunted as she threw her head back, her manically laughter filling the air. She pushed Edward further into the side of the car causing him to yell out in pain.

"Naughty girl," James tsked as he shook his head, "consorting with the little human."

"What do you want?" I seethed as I looked between James and Victoria. If I could just get Edward away from them, make sure he would not be harmed I knew I could kill them both. I could feel it, the anger boiling inside me; it would be the catalyst for their destruction. But one false move at the wrong time and Edward could die. My dilemma was apparent and stomach churned at the thought of making a fatal mistake.

"Hmm…what do I want?" James smirked as he ran his soiled fingers across his chin.

"I know what I want," Victoria cooed seductively as she licked the side of Edward's face. Rage shot through my body and I could see myself snapping her neck. Edward tried to jerk out of her grasp, but to no avail.

"Patience!" James hissed at Victoria, "You'll have your moment," then he turned back to me with a small smile on his lips. "You see, Isabella, I want…" he paused as his smile turned in to that of sheer of hated, "revenge."

I didn't understand what he meant and I was sure the look on my face made that apparent. "Revenge? Revenge for what?" I questioned.

"Against the Cullens of course," James answered as if it were the most oblivious thing in the world. He began to pace in front of me again as he explained. "You see, it's bad enough that they embarrassed me and took my prey from me twenty years ago, but to track **me** down and tell **me **that I can't come near their city to hunt?" He stopped in front of me and shook his head, "That simply will not do! Nobody tells me what to do!" he seethed. "Nobody!"

"I don't know where they are," I lied as I squared my shoulders in defiance.

James eyes flashed with an angry fury as an evil sneer pulled across his features, he looked like the devil himself. He was insane which made him dangerous and he knew that I had just lied to him. "Well that's the best part," he began as he began is pacing again. "You see, I learned everything I needed to know about the Cullens and their pathetic "vegetarian" existence. My friend Laurent left us to stay with your extended family. He told me all about the Cullens' new family member and how she was saved from two monstrous vampires," he taunted faking pity in his voice. "I guess you can see how this piqued my interest." James glanced back at Victoria and I chanced a glance at Edward. He was still pinned to the car. He was straining to see me out of the corner of his eye. Victoria held him but she was paying more attention to the man in front of me. James snapped his fingers in my face to regain my attention. He looked displeased, but continued on. "Let's just say that once I found out you were still alive, I found out everything about you, about Charlie, even your poor mother, Renee." James gave a dark chuckle.

The rage in me threatened to bubble to the surface. It was getting harder to contain it. A low guttural grow came deep within me as I started to go into attack mode. James quirked his eyebrow at me as if he was challenging me to move. I had to hold on a little longer, Edward's life depended on it. _Not yet_, I told myself.

Seeing that I was under control, James continued with his story, "The Cullens came to talk and I hoped you would be with them however, given our history together, I understand why you didn't come." James paused as he grabbed my chin in his hand, "I have to say I was hurt and a little disappointed that you didn't want to see me." I jerked my face from his grip wishing I could just get my hands on him. "It did throw a wrench in my plans so I stalled. But then I heard the little fortune teller tell the good doctor you were on your way to Forks, well, my plans changed." He smiled at me once more, "It made more sense to come here and kill you and then pick off the Cullens one by one as they tried to find you in this Godforsaken shithole."

"Okay, fine, you have me. That's what you really want isn't? To finish me off so you don't look like an idiot? You can have me, I won't fight, just let Edward go and don't go after the Cullens," I tried to negotiate for everyone's safety. It started with me, let it end with me.

"Bella! No!" Edward yelled trying to struggle against his captor once again. "You don't know what…" Victoria jerked Edward to the right and I gasped as I heard a sickening "pop". Edward yelled out in pain as his shoulder took on an odd shape. I knew his shoulder had to be dislocated.

I instantly lunged forward again as James caught my arm, swinging me around until we were face to face. "Another step and it won't be his shoulder," he threatened. I watched, helpless as Victoria spun Edward around to face her. She gave a sharp blow to his shoulder, popping it back into place. Edward yelled out once more as he began to slump over. I clenched my jaw, but knew I couldn't go to him.

"I just love to make grown men scream," Victoria mused as he pushed her body into Edward's. He was breathing heavy and sweat was starting to roll down his face, the pain evident on his face. He raised his head as his eyes found mine. I wanted to go to him, but knew I couldn't. Edward whispered, "I love you."

I panicked knowing he was about to do something reckless. "No! Edward, don't!" I yelled as Edward smiled at me. He turned to Victoria and spat in her face. Victoria snarled as her lips pulled away from her teeth, ready to attack. She yanked Edward's head back by his hair, baring his throat to her. My body tensed as I prepared to take on two vampires.

"Not yet!" James commanded.

Edward gave Victoria a cocky grin, "I guess we now who wears the pants."

Victoria swung Edward and around and tossed him to the ground, knocking the wind out of him. He was gasping for air and coughing as Victoria straddled him, pinning his body to the ground. I knew she wouldn't be controlled much longer. She was literally salivating over him.

I spring forward, trying to get to Edward, but James caught me by the neck with his hand. He had me lifted off the ground as his fingers started to squeeze. I clutched at his arm, trying to find relief from the pain. I couldn't die, not yet, not until I knew Edward was safe. I was clinging to James's arm, trying to relieve the pressure on my neck as my feet dangled off the ground.

"I suggest you keep yourself under control. One word from me and he dies," James snarled as I looked from him to Edward. I slowly nodded letting him know I would comply with his wishes.

"We're out of time!" I heard Victoria shout. James looked over his should and sniffed the air. He cursed under his breath as he looked back up at me. I could tell he was torn by what to do. I knew he didn't want to give up, but his survival instincts had kicked in.

"Perhaps another time then," He said and threw me across the yard.

I landed on my back, hard, but was to my feet within a fraction of a second from hitting the ground. I leapt across the yard to the car. The door was still open and Edward's scent was strong but he was gone. They had taken him.

"Bella!" I heard Alice call out. I turned toward her voice in hopes that she had intercepted Edward and he was safe. All I saw was Alice and Jasper as they came to a stop on the other side of the car. Edward was nowhere to be seen. Instantly, my chest constricted and I stared gasping for air I didn't need. My world was rapidly closing in around me.

"They…," I paused, the words too painful to utter.

"They what…who?" Jasper asked, without doubt feeling my distress as my head started to spin. I felt a shot of calm come from him, but it wasn't enough to stave off my panic.

"They…James…Victoria, they have Edward." I rasped out as my hand clutched at my chest grabbing my heart. Emmett and Rosalie appeared in the yard at that point and Emmett moved to my side to catch me as I collapsed against him. He held me tight in his arms trying to console me.

"Bella, you really should have replaced your phone," Alice scolded. "We tried to call and warn you before you left." I instantly felt guilty for ignoring the phone when I left the house.

"We'll get him back," Emmett soothed. I nodded into his chest feeling more comfort from him than anything Jasper tried to send my way. Emmett was always there, he always protected me, saved me. He gave me hope.

"They didn't go far," Alice announced and we all turned to her as Carlisle and Esme joined our group. Alice's eyes were glazed over. She was seeing something. "There's a clearing – in the woods, in springtime there are beautiful purple flowers, but now they are all dead. There's a path with a small log cabin that sits at the edge of the clearing."

"It sounds like Charlie's hunting cabin," I said as I pulled out of Emmett's arms.

"You know where they are going?" Jasper asked as Alice blinked out of her trance. I nodded.

"How long?" Carlisle asked Alice as he glanced around the neighborhood. A light flicked on in a house across the street.

"We don't have much time before…," Alice paused as she turned to look at me, a pained look fell across her features.

My legs started to shake as they began to give out from underneath me. Emmett caught me before I went down. I knew what Alice had seen. They were going to kill Edward. I felt more waves of calm ebb through me. I looked at my family and knew if Edward could be saved, they would help me.

"Bella, I'm sorry, but we need to move," Carlisle said gently touching my arm. I knew he was right. I could hear the people in the house across the street moving around. Carlisle turned to Emmett, "Esme and Rose will take Edward's car to our house. They will get everything prepared." I felt Emmett nod against my head. What Carlisle was saying didn't make sense. Why would Esme and Rose go all the way home?

"Can you stand?" Emmett asked me. The words sounded disjointed and hollow as if they were traveling down a long tunnel. I couldn't believe this was happening. I tested my strength and found that I could, in fact, stand. I nodded again.

"We need to move, now!" Alice exclaimed.

I clinched my fists to my sides and let the anger I felt override the fear and panic. This is what I needed. I need be strong and fight in order to save Edward. Weakness was not an option. A low rumble resonated through my chest as I crouched down and sprang forward, my muscles pushing me through the woods. The branches were hitting my face, some bending, some breaking, but in no way slowing me down.

I could feel Emmett, Alice, Jasper, and Carlisle behind me, but I didn't worry about them trying to keep up. I became a force moving through the forest, leaving an obvious trail as to where I had been. I pushed myself harder and faster through the woods, jumping logs and across the creeks. The wind was making a heavy whirling noise in my ears the faster I went. I crossed Edward's scent several times and it further infuriated me that was laced with James's and Victoria's. I could tell they had been traveling in a zigzag pattern trying to throw us off their tracks, but I knew where they were going. Not far from the cabin, I picked up on another scent. The aroma of coffee, mocha, and spice in its raw state, it was Edward's blood. It was just a small trace, but it enraged me just the same.

I couldn't help the growl that erupted from my chest as I burst through the clearing. I was several minutes ahead of the rest of my family but I didn't care. My eyes immediately fell on James who was crouched in the middle of the meadow with Victoria hovering over him.

The smell of Edward's blood was stronger which only further pushed my rage. I wasn't sure how badly he was injured but I knew I had to remove the threat before I could help him. I took James by surprise, hitting him the side and knocking him off his feet. We rolled a few times on the ground fighting for dominance. I kicked James off of me, and jump up as he flew through the air. I leapt forward, as James rolled over on all fours trying to get up. I landed on his back, pinning him face down in the dirt with my knees.

I pulled James head back by his hair lifting is face off the ground. James started mumbling, it sounded like begging. I didn't care because his life meant nothing to me. All that matter was Edward. Leaning forward, putting my other hand under his chin, and without hesitation, I twisted his head sideways and then pulled back with all of my strength, ripping his head from his neck. I sat back on James's body, feeling relieved as I threw his head away from his still form.

A loud shriek came from behind me. I jumped up and spun around just as Victoria lunged forward. I could see Edward's blood on her shirt. My vision went completely red as she neared me. I jumped up in the air, flipping over Victoria as I grabbed a fist full of her hair. Victoria screamed with anger as she slammed to the ground. She jumped to her feet and spun around to face me.

Victoria shifted on her feet as she stole a pain filled glance at her mate's decapitated body. Her eyes shifted to mine as she bared her teeth in a hiss and whipped around. At first I thought she was going to flee, but then I realized she was heading for Edward. I shot forward, catching up to Victoria just before she reached Edward's body. I knew I had to make my next move count. I leapt up, latching on to Victoria's back. She tried to grab at me and spun in circles trying to sling me off her back. I curled one arm around her neck and slipped another one around her head. I used my feet to stand on her hips for leverage. A sharp pull to the left and her neck cracked. I used all of my strength to push off her body while pulling her head with me. She let out a cry before I jumped off of her taking her head with me.

I landed on my back with Victoria's head clutched to my chest. The rest of her body fell backwards coming to rest at my feet. I picked myself off the ground as I tossed Victoria's head away from her body. The rest of my family reached the clearing as I took in a released a deep breath. It was finally over.

"Damn, Bella!" Emmett exclaimed as he approached, surveying the damage. "You took 'em both out!" He looked a little shocked as he nodded in approval. Then he turned to me and said, "That's hot!"

"Emmett!" Alice exclaimed as I turned to look back at Edward. I couldn't hear anything and it frightened me.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked placing his hand on my shoulder. I cautiously looked at him and closed my eyes as I listened for the one thing that would save my life. And then, there it was, the steady push and pull of blood slipping through the chambers of Edward's heart. My eyes popped open and Carlisle gave me a reassuring nod as we both ran toward Edward.

Emmett and Jasper worked on separating the limbs from the two decapitated vampires while Alice started the fire. If you didn't separate the head and limbs from the body and burn them, the pieces of the vampire would start to pull back together, thus become whole again and very much alive. Once pulled apart and burned, there was no coming back.

Carlisle knelt down beside Edward and began an examination. "He has a lot of scratches and some bruises," He said looking and Edward's exposed skin. Carlisle then felt around Edward's head, torso, and limbs. "He has a broken arm and maybe a rib or two out of place. He might have some cracked ribs, but I won't know for sure until I get him back to the house."

"Back to the house?" I questioned knowing that I was not about to let Edward make the trip back to Seattle.

"We own a house not far from here," Carlisle stated not looking up as he continued to examine Edward. "We've had it since the early 1900's." My mouth fell open as I looked at Carlisle in shock.

"And I wasn't told this because…" I hedged as Carlisle took off his jacket and shirt. He didn't answer me right away as he began to create a sling for Edward's arm with his shirt. Once he was finished, he stood and looked down at me.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I thought it was for the best," he said. "We come here from time to time to vacation. We also watched out for Charlie," he admitted.

I stood and looked at him not knowing what to think. "All this time…," I started.

"Bella," Carlisle grabbed both of my shoulders. "Alice knew James and Victoria were checking up on Charlie. We had to protect him and you. Not telling you kept you safe." Carlisle smiled at me apologetically.

A million things were racing through my head and I wasn't sure if I felt angry, betrayed, thankful, or relieved. Carlisle gave my shoulders a tight squeeze as Edward shifter and softly moaned. I looked down to see him wince in pain. Right now, Edward was my main concern, the rest could wait.

"Emmett, Alice, Jasper!" Carlisle called as he walked around me to go talk to the others. Edward moaned again and his head moved from side to side as if he were having a bad dream.

I crouched down to brush the hair off his forehead as the sun broke through the clouds. Edward's eyes tightened as I moved to block the offending light from his eyes. He relaxed again as I leaned forward to kiss his cheek. Colorful spectrums of refracted light danced across his face before the sun ducked back behind a cloud. My lips touched the damp warmth of his skin. He was perspiring from the direct sunlight. I pulled away as Edward began to become more restless. I tried to calm him by whispering words of love and assurance in his ear.

Edward's head lulled to the side, his legs started to move slowly his heels digging in to the soft ground. Beads of sweat began to pool across his skin and roll down the side of his face. With the sleeve of my jacket, I wiped the perspiration from his skin. I looked up to see the rest of my family. Emmett was making his way toward Carlisle who was still talking to Alice and Jasper. They all glanced my way and turned back toward each other, continuing their quiet conversation.

"Hot…heat…" Edward mumbled, my attention focused back on him as I touched his hand. "Cold…burn…pain…," He whispered as his struggles became more apparent. He was in pain and needed to get out of this field.

"Carlisle!" I yelled, looking away from Edward. "He's waking up!"

Emmett was at my side as the others made their way over. I stood as he reached down and scooped Edward up in his arms. Carlisle put his arm around my shoulders.

"Emmett is going to carry Edward to the house since he is the strongest. Emmett can contain Edward if he gets too bad." Carlisle and Emmett exchanged looks before Carlisle continued. "The rest of us are going to run ahead and prepare." I nodded as I watched Jasper and Alice take off.

"You have my life you your hands big brother," I said as I looked up at Emmett. I took Edward's hand as Emmett gave me a half hearted smile. "Please be careful."

"No worries," Emmett said as I lightly squeezed Edward's hand and took off running with Carlisle.

It didn't take us long to get to the house. We breeched the tree line into a large clearing. The most magnificent white house stood on a beautifully landscaped lawn. It was a two story mansion with huge white columns and a large front porch. It reminded me of "Tara", from "Gone with the Wind". A smile crested my lips as I paused to take it all in.

Carlisle stopped beside me. "Welcome Home Bella," he smiled as he motioned toward the house. I nodded as we both continued forward.

The inside of the house was just as beautiful on the inside as it was on the outside but there was no time to tour the house, there were things that needed to be done in preparation for Edward's arrival. So, I instantly went to work helping the rest of my family set the house up and get the exam room ready. I kept looking at Alice, trying to get some reassurance, but she wouldn't look at me. It seemed as though she was avoiding me. I couldn't quite figure out why. Was because I had killed two of our kind, easily and without remorse? She had to know that I had no choice.

Later, I caught her staring at me. Her expression seemed sad, almost as if she felt sorry about something. She immediately looked away and busied herself with her work. The silence from her, from everyone was killing me. No one was saying anything. I couldn't handle it any longer. _Something is going on…and where in the hell is Emmett!_ I had to break the silence.

"Shouldn't they be here by now?" I blurted out. Everyone froze and looked at Alice and then back at me. "What is it?" I demanded. I stepped forward causing Alice to jump. She looked down and shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Bella," she whispered. "I…there was no way to prevent it." I looked at her and then at the other members of my family. They all looked…remorseful? Edward.

"No!" I gasped as both hands flew up to my mouth. "No, please God, no!" I shook my head as I started to back away. That's what they weren't telling me, that's why Emmett wasn't here. Edward was dead. _It can't be!_

"Jasper," Carlisle signaled and I felt an overdose of calm slam into my body.

"Stop, please! I don't want to live if he is dead!' I begged as I felt myself shutting down.

"Bella, honey," Esme pulled me into a side hug. "It's not what you think." I looked up at her smiling face as she pushed the hair off my cheeks. She let me go and grabbed both of my hands in her. I didn't understand. Esme opened her mouth to speak, but stopped and turned her head toward the front door. I furrowed my brow in confusion as I, too, looked at the door. That's when I heard it, Edward bellowing out in pain. It was faint at first, but it was rapidly getting louder.

I took off out of the basement exam room and flew up the stairs to the front door. As soon as I pulled the door open, Emmett cleared the tree line. He was fighting to keep Edward's flaying form tight in his arms. The gut wrenching noises that Edward was making almost brought me too my knees.

"He's a fighter," Emmett said as he approached the steps. "I almost didn't make it here with him. The little shit wouldn't keep still." Edward let out a deep guttural yell as he writhed against Emmett's chest. I moved out of the doorway to let them both in.

"He was fine when I left him…he was fine. I don't understand." I muttered in disbelief as I closed the door behind me.

"Emmett, downstairs," Carlisle calmly commanded from the other end of the room as he and Esme turned to follow Emmett. Jasper and Alice also disappeared down the stairs but not before I caught the same look on Alice's face, sadness. I started to go after them when Rosalie stepped into my path. Edward's desperate cries made me feral. I snarled at her in warning.

"Bella, please," she sighed, "there's nothing you can do."

"The blood wasn't just from the lacerations, was it," I said, not needing an answer. Rosalie shook her head, confirming my fears. I back down in my stance as understanding flooded over me. Something was happening to Edward, something I couldn't help. It was now up to him to fight this battle. "He's changing, isn't he?" I asked feeling defeated.

Rose pursed her lips and hesitantly gave a single nod. We both glanced toward the door as Edward's tortuous screams became longer and deeper. I took another step toward the door and Rose shifted to block me again. I remembered the pain, the burning and the loneliness that I felt when I was changing. I clutched my chest as I remembered my hearts last few beats.

"Bella, there's really nothing you can do." Rose's demeanor changed, the cold exterior melted away. She almost seemed as though she cared. "Jasper will calm him, Emmett will hold him still, Alice will see any problems while his is transitioning, and Esme and Carlisle will do everything they can to make him comfortable. It's too much for you to handle," she paused and gave a soft smile, "trust me, I know." Rose knew all too well, she had been through this very thing with Emmett. I needed to get myself together so I could be there when Edward woke up. He screamed out once again as someone moved to shut and lock the door.

Rose took my hand in hers and placed my iPod in my hand. "Here, take this," she said as she closed my hand around the device. "Edward is in the best of hands," she smiled as she gave my hand a squeeze.

I gave her a weak smile as I pulled away from her. For a moment, I saw compassion in Rose's eyes. When she realized she had completely let her wall down, she quickly steeled herself. "Now go," she pointed toward the front door. I turned to leave, but wheeled around and within two strides I drew Rose into a big hug. To my amazement, she hugged me back. I pulled back from my sister as Edward's cries waffled through the basement door. Turned once again toward the door, I didn't stop, I didn't look back and I knew I couldn't return for at least two days. I put my earbuds in my ears before I took off running and hit play.

"…And if I only could; Make a deal with God; And get him to swap our places…"

* * *

Thanks again for taking the time to read! As per usual, the links to the music listed in this chapter can be found on my profile page. LOVES!


	15. Chapter 15: Initiation's over

**A/N: **I know it has been a while and for that I am truly sorry. To say life has been crazy/complicated would be putting it mildly. I am extremely happy to finally have this work completed and I hope everyone will forgive me. There will be an Epilogue, but I plan to post it separately because, let's face it, I really, really want to mark this story as complete! I want to thank all of my friends for the encouragement and give a huge thanks to hottygurl7 for her amazing beta work on this chapter. You can find a link to her stories on my profile page. I hope you will njoy this ending. This is how I would have done it if I would have written Twilight. Loves!

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Twilight or any of its characters… I just like to play with them!**

_My Shangri-Las  
I can't forget  
Why you were mine  
I need you now_

"Cry Little Sister" ~ Gerard McMann

* * *

**Initiation's over. Time to join the club!**

From the moment I realized what was happening, I knew this might be my only shot. The argument of me being changed into a vampire had been shut down by Bella before the surface was ever scratched; so when a vampire yanked me out of my car, I quickly started formulating a plan.

According to Bella's story, a bite was all that was needed. The transition sounded painful, but the end result was worth the pain. I was hoping if I provoked the red head - Victoria - that she would bite me, thus changing me into a vampire.

Red heads usually had tempers so I thought it would be fairly easy. The timing, however, had to be precise, when James and Bella weren't looking, and, of course, I needed to make sure she didn't kill me.

I whispered things to Victoria, enticing her - and for a moment, I thought I had her; but James stopped her. It was only obvious that if Victoria went against James's wishes, there would be a fight and Bella might have a chance to free us, but not before she bit me.

That was what I was counting on at least. I didn't want to think about things going badly. I couldn't think about that now. Bella had always been so adamant about not changing me, but I wanted this, I wanted to become a vampire.

My plan, however, was flawed. You can't anticipate the enemy's move if you don't know exactly who or what you are dealing with. Bella tried to bargain for everyone's freedom with her own life, but I wouldn't let that happen.

I made an attempt to try and fight, trying to bring the attention back to me. I was quickly reminded how human I was as my shoulder became dislodged from its socket. I yelled out as I felt the pain shoot across the joint.

Waves of nausea moved through my stomach, and I swallowed thickly to keep the bile from rising in my throat. Sweat began to bead on my forehead as I was spun around. I slowly raised my head to look up in to the blood red eyes of my attacker. There was quick, sharp blow to the front of my shoulder, followed by another loud pop and knee buckling pain.

I slumped ever so slightly as my breaths came in heavy gasps between clenched teeth. I knew Victoria had popped my shoulder back into place and I felt some relief, but not much.

When all was said and done, I wasn't sure if the pain had spurred me on or my quest to become a vampire, but I cast one last glance to Bella, committing her face to memory. I whispered my words of love to her and turned back to Victoria just as a Bella's voice rang out begging me to stop.

Unable to move anything else, I mustered up all the strength I could and spat in Victoria's face. I braced myself for what would come next and my efforts were almost rewarded, but James stopped her once again.

Within moments, I was whisked off the ground; the world around me was a blur of greens and browns as I flew upside down. I felt a shoulder pressing against my gut, making it difficult to breathe. I braced my hands against a feminine waist and pulled my body to the side surprising my capture. Victoria dropped me on the forest floor. I tumbled several feet coming to a stop against a log.

All of the air expelled out of my body as my back smacked against the log with a hard thud. Pain ensued within moments of my landing. Tiny white flashes of light popped behind my eyes, and the earth tilted on its axis. I fought to take in large gulps of air as my lungs struggled to expand and receive it.

I tried to move, but could only roll over until I was flat on my back, I coughed to clear my throat. My right side was throbbing with pain and the forest was still spinning. I continued to fight for air; every breath was as if a knife was twisting in my side. This was definitely not part of the plan.

I heard James curse out loud before he appeared before me. He grabbed me by my shirt and the trees swirled before me once more as he flung me across his back. The pain began to wrap around my ribs as James took off running. My arms dangled over my head, while my shirt and jacket slid down to my shoulder blades. I felt my blood rushing to my head, causing it to ache. The branches were whipping at my sides as James zigzagged across the forest floor. I fell in and out of consciousness as it became more and more difficult for me to breathe.

Just when I thought I couldn't hang on any longer, James came to a stop. I hit the ground, this time my head smacked against something hard. Stabbing pain shot out across the back of my skull, crackling and splintering and it moved up my head.

My eyes instantly slammed shut tight against the onslaught of pain. My mind shut down and I slipped over the precipice, falling in a downward spiral into an endless sea of nothing. The darkness was suffocating, consuming me as if it were trying to breathe itself into my lungs, weaving itself into the fiber of my being.

There was nothing to see, nothing to grasp, only the murky air that surrounded me. There was no sense of time or direction; I wasn't able to see my hand pass in front of my face. It was as if I was stuck in a thick fog on a moonless night.

Even though I couldn't see anything, I could definitely hear whispering. It sounded like an intense argument, but in low hushed tones. The disembodied voices mixed in with the void that surrounded me were very unsettling. They seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at the same time, however they abruptly ended before I could make any sense of it all.

The vast nothingness began to strain my mind, making me feel as though I was going mad. There had to be something out there, something I could cling to, something to get me through this insanity - before the vortex of blank space pulled me so far in that I would never crawl out.

That's when I heard it…breathing, deep and steady. I could hear it as if my ears were underwater in a quiet bath. I started concentrating on every breath, my intake and release of air being the only thing that would keep me grounded. In…out…in…out….

"Edward?"

The soft sound of my name being called confused me. I blinked as tiny specks of light began to sparkle and dance before my eyes.

"Edward?" I heard my name being called again from a voice that I vaguely recognized, but could not place. The voice seemed hollow and far away.

I realized I could feel the ground beneath me as the specks of light spread to become hazy images and bright colorful flashes. The color began to form images. The images merged together to forming sun filled meadows with purple flowers, tall trees, and blue skies dotted with soft white clouds. There was a gentle song of childhoods past playing on the breeze, one I remembered fondly, it was the one I used to sing with my mother.

I felt the ground shift below me and I turned my head to see my mother smiling back at me.

"Mom?" I sat up quickly making sure my eyes never lost contact.

I sat back on my heels and looked at her in wonderment. _Was this really happening?_ I looked around at the meadow and the forest around it. I felt the slight breeze on my face as I took a deep breath of clean air. _Am I dreaming? _I wondered as I took it all in.

It had to be a dream and yet this dream was so real, so much more real than the last time I had dreamt of my mother.

"My sweet boy," she smiled back as she took my hands in hers. I could feel her skin, warm against my fingers, her perfume more fragrant than the blooming of springtime's flowers.

"You're here," I smiled.

I was so happy to see her again. Her smile, her mere presence, everything about her made me feel happy and safe. I couldn't believe it and yet, here she was. My mind was trying to process it, analyze the possibilities. It couldn't be so, and yet it had to be real if I could feel her hands and their warmth.

_If this is real…_ I began to question myself as a frown pulled across my features. My mother looked concerned as she furrowed her brow.

I took a deep breath before I asked my next question. "Am I dead?"

My mother chuckled and shook her head. "No, son, you are not dead."

I had to be missing something. I remembered the confrontation, but not much after that. Surely I didn't fall asleep, maybe it was all over and we won. I glanced around the meadow once more, looking at the blooming flowers and lush green of the forest foliage.

I felt so good, like everything was perfect. I wondered if this meant that Bella was here, too. My eyes searched the tree line for her, but she wasn't anywhere to be found.

_Wh__at was it about this time that was so different from the last?_ "Then how…?"

"We don't have much time," she whispered as she looked around.

I started to protest but she didn't allow me to speak. A chill blew through the air and the skies began to darken. The grass turned brown as the flowers wilted and died off their stems. "Edward, this is the last time we will see each other."

"No…" I whispered brokenly but she quickly silenced me like a mother would hush an upset child.

"You're getting ready to go where I can't follow." She smiled. "Bella will have to be the one to watch over you now."

I looked into her eyes as snow began to swirl around us. Within the green pools of her eyes and the gentle wrinkles of her skin as she smiled, the puzzle pieces began to lock into place. I nodded in understanding as though I could read her thoughts. My mother was telling me that I was going to be a vampire.

"I love you, Mom." I tried to smile back at her as I spoke to let her know that I would be strong. Bella was what I wanted - even though it was hard to let go of my mother. She was so sick and frail when she died; to see her vibrant and happy filled my heart with joy. I knew she would be alright.

"I love you, too. But right now, you have to focus on Bella." She leaned forward and kissed my cheek. "Now lie down, Edward."

As soon as my body was flat against the ground I felt a sharp sting on my wrist. I yelled out, grabbing at the pain with my other hand. I looked toward my mother, but she was no longer there.

A subtle movement off to the side of me got my attention, and I turned my head to see Bella kneel down beside me. The pain in my wrist was momentarily forgotten as Bella's fingers ghosted over my face. The cool brush of her skin felt like heaven on my heated flesh. She was so breathtakingly beautiful, hovering over me with the snow swirling around her - catching in her hair and lashes.

I closed my eyes as she kissed my lips. "Promise me you'll come back to me," she whispered against my mouth and I slowly nodded. Bella then curled in to my side as I put my arms around her. The snow continued to fall and the biting pain in my wrist began to burn. The cold ground and Bella's body helped cool the blaze, but it didn't help for long. I became restless as the pain slowly traveled up my forearm. The fire was ruthless and the contrast between the heat and ice was almost too much to handle. My stomach began to churn and my throat went dry; my skin was wet with perspiration.

"Hot…heat…," I rasped, trying to form sentences, but only descriptive words would come out of my mouth. "Cold…burn…pain…."

When I heard Bella shout, I tried to open my eyes but I couldn't force them open. And even though the burning had made it's way up my shoulder, and was excruciating, I didn't make a sound. It was as if I was caught between dreaming and being awake. Even when I felt myself being hoisted off the ground and bent against my body's will, I could do nothing to stop it.

"You have my life in your hands big brother," I heard Bella say and felt her cool grip in my burning hand. "Be careful."

"No worries," I heard Emmett's voice reply back as Bella squeezed my hand then let it go.

I shook my head against the chest that held me, and fought against screaming from the pain. I finally got my eyes open as I became fully aware and looked up at Emmett.

"You look like shit," he said.

I couldn't answer him as the burn had spread across my chest and up my throat. My body started locking up and I began to squirm in Emmett's grip as I moaned with the pain.

"The venom is spreading," he stated matter-of-factly. "Your body is dying and rapidly going into rigor. You're gonna be screaming before long. The sooner we can get you to Carlisle and injected with more venom, the better shot you have. On the third day, it will be over."

I shivered and quickly nodded as sweat poured from my body.

Emmett started to run. Flames began to lick and conflagrate my brain as the inferno worked its way into my head. I tried to focus on Bella as my mother had suggested, but thinking proved to be too much. I could see her face behind my eyes as the image became engulfed by the fire.

The stabbing shards of pain rooted itself deep in the middle of my head as my whole face felt as though it had been incinerated. All the pressure building up in my skull made hearing virtually impossible and I could no longer see anything. The throbbing felt as though hot rail spikes were being sledge hammered into my brain. I couldn't contain it any longer, my whole body jerked as I threw my head back and screamed.

We didn't get far before my muscles began to spasm and I twisted against Emmett's iron-clad grip, trying to find relief. I didn't want to fight, I didn't want to scream, but the pain was unlike anything I had ever experienced. Searing liquid heat was working its way down my back and my spine began to stiffen and freeze. My body was convulsing and I had no control over it as Emmett struggled not to drop me.

I had no idea when we reached our destination or how much time had passed when I was laid flat against a table, my jacket and shirt torn away. I felt the snap of rubber on the arm that wasn't burning. There were a few smacks on the crease of that same arm, a prick, and then a warm, fuzzy, tingly sensation began racing up my vein as the elastic was released from my skin.

The parts of my body not yet affected by the fire began feeling heavy and numb, however, in the other parts the burning seemed to intensify as if it knew it were being restricted. It was a battle in my body, scorching acid that boiled in my veins and the heavy lifeless weight of what was left.

My yells had become muted by the strain on my vocal cords. My throat was so tired and dry that there were no more audible sounds, and my jaws had been locked together by the rigor mortis. Tears fell down the sides of my face, the only indication that I was still suffering, other than my clutched fist on the one side of my body.

The incineration continued, but at a much slower pace. The numbness had slowed the spreading of the pain, the weak part of me was happy about that, but the other part of me just wanted it over. Constant numbness on one side, and trying to fight the burn on the other - took me to edge of insanity as the two continued to war with each other. I wanted to beg, plead with someone to do something, but I couldn't move to help myself. For a fleeting moment, I quietly wished for death.

I felt a quick blow to the chest and the air escaped my lungs. My heart plummeted out of control, beating a hard, unsteady rhythm as it began to internally combust. My body fought for the sharp intake of breath that it finally pulled through my nose. Cool air filled my chest as my torso became engulfed in searing heat. The inferno rapidly spread throughout my body like a wild fire. I was powerless to do anything and could barely breathe, my whole body felt consumed by flames.

How long I lived in hell, I wasn't sure. For every pain-staking minute that went by, I was sure it would be the last, that I wouldn't live through the next one, but I did. My heart continued to pound hard against my chest, every so often it stammered, but still it thumped just the same. The ringing in my ears began to subside and I felt my jaw relax. I burned still on the inside, but my mind became clearer. I could hear someone moving around me and could make out bits and pieces of a seemingly one-sided conversation. I tried to focus on the words that were being said, but they were scattered and discombobulated.

_Aware…. Soon…. _The words popped into my brain almost like static on a transistor radio.

_Bella…._

Then there were new words, my own…guilt and shame. No matter what I went through, Bella was the end result and I had promised her, regardless if it was real or not when it happened. She had endured all of this and I would do the same to be with her forever. It was what I wanted. I felt like a coward and I resolved that I would never show such weakness again. I would show Bella, promise her, that I would love her every minute of our eternity together. I would make myself worthy of her love.

I lay there for awhile contemplating everything as my mind became clearer. I wasn't sure what I became aware of first; the fact that my body had relaxed and was no longer rigid from the rigor - or the fact that I was no longer burning in my toes or the top of my head.

I knew my incineration was coming to an end, and for that I was thankful. The relief continued to move throughout my body, extinguishing the flames as it went. It was a slow process, but it was progress nonetheless.

Once my head became free from pain, the conversations I was hearing became easier to discern. I still didn't understand everything I heard, but I did hear Bella's name ring loud and true through my mind once more before it all went quiet again. I couldn't wait for this to be over. The pain was drawing up from my extremities and concentrating in my chest. While it felt good to have my arms, legs, and head pain free, the blaze in my torso burned with ten times the intensity.

I concentrated all of my energy on remaining still and calm, even though the center of my being felt as if it would turn to ash. My heart began to beat harder in my chest and my breathing became labored and heavy.

The heat drew quickly to the center of my chest where it burned with the heat of a thousand suns against my heart. Its chambers were pumping exceedingly fast and felt as though it were ready to explode. I could hear it pounding in my ears and my veins vibrated with each beat. I desperately gasped for air as my heart gave a tight and painful squeeze. The concentrated flames wrapped around the arresting muscle and extinguished itself just as everything went silent. I lay there, listening, waiting, not breathing. All of my fear was gone.

"Is he…is he alright?" My sweet Bella's voice broke the silence.

I could hardly contain the smile that was threatening to give me away, I couldn't wait another minute to see her. My eyes fluttered open and I gazed up at her worried face. She looked like a beautiful angel. If I had died, she would be my heaven.

I journeyed though hell and back, all for her, all for the love of Bella. I gave her a lopsided grin letting her know I was better than alright. She smiled back at me, relief evident in her face. I reached up and pulled her lips to mine.

I maybe dead…but I had never felt so _alive_.

**A/A/N:** there were several songs that I listened to for motivation. As usual, I have them listed on my profile page. Until the Epi… MWAH!


	16. Epilogue

A/N – Yes, I know it has been awhile. Yes, I am very sorry. Yes, this is the epilogue (finally). And no, it is not beta'd so please forgive me.

"I know what you want

I know what you need

Better than you do

I know why you came

I promise you"

"Beauty has her way" ~Mummy Calls

I came this close to being called Moonbeam

Edward and I lay curled up in each other's arms enjoying the early morning hours of solitude before our day began. He had been gone for a week to another store opening and I had been working on another novel. I hated when he was gone, but his travel did gave me the time I needed to write. Edward pulled me tighter to him as my hand gently rubbed across his bare chest. Things were good now and I couldn't help but marvel at how far we had come in two years.

When Edward had gone through the transition of becoming a vampire, I had to consider what would happen if he didn't make it through the change. Just thinking about how he could have died brought me physical pain, and I was eternally thankful to whatever held the key to our lives that he had survived. He had come back to me and we would live together, forever -but not without sacrifice.

Even though Edward's love for me was strong, he had a hard time overcoming his bloodlust. He started off with the vegetarian lifestyle, only feeding off of animals, but struggled with the constant fight against his natural instincts to feed on human blood. Once he had changed and was adjusting to his new life, it didn't take us long to discover that, Edward had a gift. He was able to hear the thoughts of everyone around him, well, everyone but me. So, not only was he fighting for control of his thirst, a war raged within him because he was not able to have peace inside his own mind to harness the control.

After three months of struggling, Edward lost the battle against his thirst and eventually succumbed to the raw hunger that only human blood can satiate. It happened one night while he was out hunting with Carlisle and Esme; he caught the scent of two men who were camping in the forest. He instantly changed the course he was on and had drained both men before Carlisle and Esme were able to reach him to stop him. Carlisle insisted on burying the bodies. He sent Edward home with Esme with the request that Jasper and Emmett came back out with shovels. The three of them dug a hole deep enough for the camper's bodies and all the camping gear. Carlisle said a few words for the dead before they left to come home.

Once Esme and Edward came back from the hunting trip, Edward told me what had happened. Anger and remorse marred his features. I held him until he calmed himself and helped him pull off his bloodied clothes. I set out clean clothes for him and kissed Edward before I then went down the hall to start the shower for him. I came out of the bathroom; towel in hand, to find Alice standing in my room. Edward, full of shame –shame for what he had done and not able to have full ascendancy over the beast that had emerged, took his clothes and ran. I was devastated and felt completely responsible on so many different levels. I couldn't help but blame myself for Edward's slip even though the whole family agreed it wasn't my fault. However, if it were not for me and my selfishness to keep Edward in my life, none of this would have happened in the first place.

It took us several months to unwind the wild goose chase Edward sent us on. Alice had a hard time focusing in on him because he wasn't making conscience decisions. His mind was a constant flicker of where he had been and what he had done -but never fully focused on where he actually was. Eventually, he stopped running and Alice got a clear fix on him. We found him in the basement of an old warehouse in Port Angeles. He was in the corner cowering in an upright fetal position. Edward's hands were clasped on his head and was sobbing deeply with several bodies scattered across the floor. Edward heard us approach and tried to bury his face in his knees, encasing his head with his arms. I went to him, knowing his guilt and wanting nothing more than to console him, but I couldn't even get him to look at me.

"I…I'm sorry…so, so sorry," he mumbled and kept repeating "I'm sorry" over and over. I tried to quiet him and pulled him against my body. He was resistant at first and I know it was because he was ashamed. "Make it stop!" he sobbed as he finally looked at me, blood filled tears streaking down his face, his hands pulling at the hair on hair on his head. His eyes were a deep crimson; blood was stained on his mouth, hands and clothes. He looked fragile and frightened and my heart broke for him as I clutched him to my chest. I felt my very being surround him as I wrapped my arms around him to soothe him – protect him.

Edward's body tensed and I thought he was going to pull away from me, but he didn't. Instead, he turned to me, molding his body to mine, clinging to me as if he were a frightened child. The tension in his body completely melted away as his sobs became silenced. He whispered that his mind was finally quiet. It was then that we discovered that I, too, had a gift. I was able to shield Edward from the outside world. I could keep him from hearing all the thoughts of those around him. I could give him peace which in turn gave him control.

Over the next few months, we all worked with Edward to help him master his powerful bloodlust. Carlisle brought in bags of blood from the hospital, mixed it with animal blood, and fed it to Edward. Every couple of days, Carlisle was reducing the amount of human blood and was able to wean Edward off human blood altogether.

Edward became stronger. Within less than the year, he was in full control. He was able to hunt for animals without being swayed by any humans in the area. He thought he was ready for his first test. He wanted to go to the Roasted Seed.

A few days after Edward was changed he called Erin. Edward lied to her and told her that he was taking some time off to travel and asked her if she wanted partial ownership in the company. Erin questioned his decision to leave. She was even snippy about her inquiry as to whether I was going with him to travel and why he was backing away from something he loved so much. Edward handled it in the best way that he could and eventually, she agreed to the partnership. Edward would be the founder, president and CEO; Erin would be the Vice President of Operations. Edward handled his part via phone and computer and Erin would handle the daily operations at the store. I was able to forgive Erin for what she did and never told Edward what happened with the letter because in the end, there was no point.

Edward's first trip back to the Roasted Seed went well and after being back in the place he loved so much, he came up with a plan to grow his business. He worked hard and with a lot of time and a little patience, he was able to turn the Roasted Seed from a Seattle coffee shop into a national franchise. There was at least one in every state and Bella's Dream was one of their signature coffees.

We had moved to upstate New York to get away from our old lives and bad memories. Esme had found a gorgeous mansion on beautiful sprawling lawns surrounded by forests that were filled with plenty of wildlife. The house was large enough for each couple to have their own wing, which made things nice for all vampires involved. You need your privacy and you don't want to hear your family members having sex down the hall.

"What are you thinking?" Edward whispered as he kissed the top of my head bringing me back to the present.

"About how proud I am of you," I smiled against his chest.

"Oh really," he mused as he rolled me on my back just as there was a knock at the bedroom door.

"Pictures in one hour!" Alice yelled through the door. Edward's head dropped to my shoulder.

"And here I was enjoying the quiet," he sighed as he kissed my collarbone. I threaded my fingers through his hair enjoying him for a few more seconds before our day went crazy. Edward was being honored tonight as the Fortune 500's Entrepreneur of the Year. There was a reception at the Rainbow Room in New York City. Several magazines were coming to the house for interviews and pictures. Alice was on top of her game and had our wardrobes all picked out. I was in hell.

The first dress I loved. It was a simple long black dress that crossed in the front with silver along the waist. It had a long slit in the front and Alice paired it with some really high black stack-toe heels. Alice worked on my hair while I thought about tonight. I knew Edward was working on something big, but he wouldn't let me in on what it was. He had been secretive and it was making me uneasy. I knew Alice would know what was going on, but she wouldn't tell me. It was frustrating. I had come home several times and heard him at the piano, but he would stop as soon as he sensed I was around.

The first photo shoot wasn't bad. Edward and I had a little fun, but mostly did serious poses. Our interview went well and once we were finished with the first magazine, we were whisked off to change by Alice. The next magazine would be at the house shortly to set up.

I slipped out of my dress and I thought about our interview. The woman that asked the questions seemed completely enamored by Edward. I was used to it by now, so it didn't really bother me. What did bother me was when she asked Edward if we had any plans to get married. He was all too quick to answer that there were no plans. I had thought about marriage, but it never really bothered me that we hadn't done it yet. I was already tied to Edward in every way possible without being married to him. I didn't need a silly piece of paper to make it official. Right?

Things between Edward and I were good. We were close and talked about everything, but sometimes I felt like he enjoyed my gift, and the peace it brought him, more than he did me. I shook my head at the thought as I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Alice appeared behind me as she began messing with my hair. I bit my lip as I thought about the question I wanted to ask her.

Alice, seeing that I was struggling with something in my mind, set the brush down and looked at me through the mirror. "What is it Bella?" she asked. My eyes rose to meet hers in the reflection. I didn't quite know how to ask and wasn't sure if I really wanted to know the answer.

"Edward and I…well, we are…we're okay, right?" I asked, as I continued to worry my bottom lip between my teeth, afraid of what her answer would be.

"Bella, honestly, I can't believe you are asking me that." She huffed. Alice's head tipped to the side as her hand went to her hip.

"Just answer the question, Alice." I pressed trying to keep my courage, my body language giving my uncertainty away.

"Oh Bella, silly girl, things are better than okay!" Alice smiled back at me brightly as she turned me by my shoulders to face her.

"It's just that, well, things have been…" I paused as I cast my eyes to the floor not wanting to say the words aloud. I didn't want to admit to my best friend and sister that I couldn't remember the last time I had been intimate with my mate. What I feared most was that I was just being kept around for medicinal purposes and that Edward had already grown tired of me.

"Trust me," Alice said as I returned my gaze to her face. "I know these things!" she smiled as she tapped her forehead with her finger. I smiled back at her, wrinkling my nose as I bumped her hip with my shoulder. I turned back to face the mirror as Alice finished my hair. I felt somewhat better, but what if Alice was just trying to appease me. "There…perfect," Alice smiled. I looked up but couldn't tell a difference. I smiled and nodded as I stood. Alice grabbed me in a quick hug and then disappeared through the doorway.

I turned to look at myself in the mirror. The dress was black organza draped over champagne colored satin, tight to the knees and then ballooned out to the floor with a wide strap over the left shoulder. I turned to the side and smoothed the fabric across my stomach. No matter which way I looked at the dress, it was awkward and bulky. I absolutely hated it. I shrugged my shoulders and turned on my heel making my way back down stairs in the black gown that reminded me of a garbage bag.

"Wow, you look…."

"Like crap!" I finished Edward's sentence as I gave him a death glare. He chuckled as he pulled me to him.

"You look amazing," he whispered as he gently ran his finger down the side of my face. I felt entranced by his gaze. His eyes, though no longer green, still captivated me. I swallowed hard as I tried to turn. Edward's hand gently cupped the side of my face, his thumb lightly grazing my jaw as he kissed my cheek. It was then that I heard the camera's shutter and I saw Edward's head turn as a low growl emitted from his chest.

"Edward?" I cautioned as I turned back toward him and touched his chest to calm him.

"Let's go," he whispered as he grabbed my hand and took off running across the lawn. My dress was bulky and cumbersome and Edward seemed to feel my struggle with it. He suddenly stopped as he lifted me up in his arms and ran to the stairs that led to the side garden.

"I can handle it," I laughed as I bounced in his arms. "I can walk…I swear!"

"I don't think we are being followed," Edward whispered as he set me on the ground and looked back toward the house.

"Why are you whispering?" I asked as Edward turned his focus to me. He pulled me to him once more and kissed me lightly on the lips. He pulled back and looked deep into my eyes.

"Not here," he whispered and he turned grabbing my hand once more as he led me down the stone garden stairs.

"What are you doing?" I asked, but he didn't answer. He just continued to descend the stairs. "Where are we going?" Still -nothing but silence.

When we reached the edge of the garden, Edward stopped suddenly by a large, curved stone wall that was the balcony of the upper gardens. He turned to me and took a deep breath. "I know things have been crazy," he began as he held my hand in his. "But I want you to know that I have always loved you." I held my breath as I placed my free hand on my hip and I nervously shifted from one foot to the other. I swallowed thickly as he continued. "Now I know that I let you down in the beginning…"

"Edward, don't," I interrupted as I shook my head. I didn't want to think about those dark times.

"No, I need to say this, Bella. Please." I looked up into his pleading eyes and nodded cautiously. Edward took another deep breath and continued. "I know I didn't live up to my end of the deal when I was first changed and I hope that you will give me the opportunity to live out my existence, however long it may be, making it up to you." With that, Edward dropped to his knee and I didn't quite know what to do.

"Edward, get up. What are you doing?" I whispered as I heard a noise coming from behind me.

"Bella," Edward tugged on my hand.

"I think someone is coming," I whispered louder

"Bella," Edward tugged a little harder finally gaining my attention. He smiled brightly at me and I felt the butterflies rise again in my stomach. "Isabella Swan," my smile faded as I realized what was happening. Edward produced a black velvet box from his pocket, "I want to spend every day of eternity making you happy. I love you with everything that I am. You are the best part of me and without you I am nothing. Will you marry me?"

My eyes went from Edward's eyes to the open box and then back to Edward again. I was almost rendered speechless...almost. A huge smile fell across my lips. All the worry that I had felt about our relationship instantly melted away. This was everything I had hoped for. "Yes!" I blurted out. Edward was instantly relieved as he took the ring and placed it on my finger, sealing it in its place with a kiss. He stood and placed a searing kiss on my lips.

"It's about time!" Alice appeared with Jasper from the garden's hedges. Edward stepped back smiling. She suddenly squealed as she ran toward me to look at the ring. Edward stepped back smiling as I took a good look at the ring on my left hand. It was absolutely gorgeous. I had never seen anything like it. I later learned it was flawless pear shaped white diamond with a rose colored diamond in the center. The diamonds were set in platinum and surrounded by an additional round brilliant diamonds. I later learned that the ring was nearly fourteen carats all together and was one of a kind. I didn't even want to think about the cost.

The rest of the day was a blur. I let Alice dress me up and didn't complain once. I was on an Edward induced euphoric high. Nothing could knock me down.

That night was amazing. Edward surprised me with a new song he had written and performed it at the party. It was so beautiful and it filled my heart with happiness to hear it. Edward and I danced, every so often, he would whisper lyrics in my ear making me smile. Our whole family seemed happy and complete.

There were a lot of people at the event and Edward handled himself well. I am sure feeding the night before help, but nevertheless, he was in complete control. There were people I knew swirling around the dance floor and some people I'd never seen before. I caught sight of Erin in the crowd and we nodded at each other. Our differences had long since been settled -especially now that she had met and married Jacob Black. They were expecting their first child next year. Erin even asked Edward and me to be the godparents. Everything was right with the world.

I looked across the room and saw my father standing next to Carlisle and Esme. My father's new wife, Sue Clearwater, was on his arm. I smiled at him and gave a little wave. He waved back and the pulled at the collar of his dress shirt. I could help but giggle a little.

My dad and I reunited. I was able to convince Charlie that Bella had gotten pregnant and that's why she disappeared and that I was Charlie's long lost granddaughter. I hated lying to him, but this was the easiest way for me to see my father without spinning an unbelievable story. I told him that Bella had died during childbirth. How Carlisle had found my mother in labor and delivered me, only knowing that the woman in labor's name was Isabella. Once Bella died, and no way to find any family, the state let Carlisle and Esme adopt me – naming me after my mother. As I got older, I explained, Carlisle agreed to help me find any blood relatives. That's how we discovered Bella's past and found Charlie. Charlie didn't ask too many questions, but I could tell the story gave him closure.

Charlie and I talked every week and visited each other often. I called him on the way to the party to let him in on my news. I could tell "grandpa" Charlie was a tad choked up. I was just happy to have my dad back in my life in whatever way I could. Charlie even agreed to help Carlisle walk me down the aisle in on the big day.

That night, after the party was over, Edward and I celebrated our engagement in the privacy of our penthouse suite. All the fears and doubts that I had melted away as he claimed my body while whispering my name against my skin. My life had changed so much since I meet Edward. He taught me how to live again and gave me the strength to step outside of the life I was hiding in. He also taught to not be so afraid, but more importantly, Edward taught me how to love.

**Final note:** Thank you so much for reading. I did not intend for this story to take so long for me to complete. It has been a crazy ride. Unfortunately, the opportunity to do the special thing I wanted to do for my readers has passed. I do appreciate every review and story/author favorite and follow. Thank you all for reading


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